Memories
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 12
Memories
My brain drifts down memory lane every time I find myself romanticizing my husband's so-called recovery and hopes he'll wake up.
He convinced everyone - prosecutors, detectives, parole officers, me -- with such passion about wanting to change, wanting to be sober.l We believed him. But I was rereading some old text messages and he was just lifeless, barely engaging and very flippant towards me. I was only useful if I brought home Burger King or some soda.
He always would latch onto some low life at NA and other recovering addicts explained to me that not everyone goes to NA for recovery. I nicknamed his meetings the Lonely Hearts Club. He'd spend hours with them -- some of them gave them their medications to take and bought him expensive clothes, they'd do anything for his attention it seemed.
I remember getting so angry at that. It wasn't fair. He would get so upset and scream that I wasn't an addict, that I was the farthest thing from an addict like being a strong sober happy person was the worst thing in the world. All the losers he'd associate with would look down at me because I wasn't like them, I didn't know what it was like to be an addict. They had some power over me, they knew my husband better. So sad.
I am so grateful not to be around all of that anymore. It is a horrible feeling to have someone try to thwart and manipulate against your good intentions and compassion because they are lonely and codependent. And it was even more depressing that my husband would choose them over me, but now in the light of day, I realize it had nothing to do with me and I am very proud I let my husband go. The prosecutors and parole officers gave me a return policy so I called them up and they took him back.
He convinced everyone - prosecutors, detectives, parole officers, me -- with such passion about wanting to change, wanting to be sober.l We believed him. But I was rereading some old text messages and he was just lifeless, barely engaging and very flippant towards me. I was only useful if I brought home Burger King or some soda.
He always would latch onto some low life at NA and other recovering addicts explained to me that not everyone goes to NA for recovery. I nicknamed his meetings the Lonely Hearts Club. He'd spend hours with them -- some of them gave them their medications to take and bought him expensive clothes, they'd do anything for his attention it seemed.
I remember getting so angry at that. It wasn't fair. He would get so upset and scream that I wasn't an addict, that I was the farthest thing from an addict like being a strong sober happy person was the worst thing in the world. All the losers he'd associate with would look down at me because I wasn't like them, I didn't know what it was like to be an addict. They had some power over me, they knew my husband better. So sad.
I am so grateful not to be around all of that anymore. It is a horrible feeling to have someone try to thwart and manipulate against your good intentions and compassion because they are lonely and codependent. And it was even more depressing that my husband would choose them over me, but now in the light of day, I realize it had nothing to do with me and I am very proud I let my husband go. The prosecutors and parole officers gave me a return policy so I called them up and they took him back.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 93
He would get so upset and scream that I wasn't an addict, that I was the farthest thing from an addict like being a strong sober happy person was the worst thing in the world.
I use to beat myself up NEVER because I wasn't and addict but because I felt that I was prosecuted for NOT being one. It makes you feel like the enemy. This world of addicts is twisted, far beyond any logic. We all have our own problems but I sure as heck don't put people down for not having walked in my shoes. I am actually glad that not everyone knows what life with an addict is like! I can see that from his point of view- he can't express himself let alone the hardship that he is faced with BUT that does not give him the right to scream at you for not being an addict and living your life loving yourself. We all deserve happiness but some just don't want it enough...
I use to beat myself up NEVER because I wasn't and addict but because I felt that I was prosecuted for NOT being one. It makes you feel like the enemy. This world of addicts is twisted, far beyond any logic. We all have our own problems but I sure as heck don't put people down for not having walked in my shoes. I am actually glad that not everyone knows what life with an addict is like! I can see that from his point of view- he can't express himself let alone the hardship that he is faced with BUT that does not give him the right to scream at you for not being an addict and living your life loving yourself. We all deserve happiness but some just don't want it enough...
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Your last line made me laugh so hard. I am sincerely happy for you - that you are free of the "insanity."
I have heard many "sad" stories about members of NA and the whole 13 stepping. As of yet, I have not had to experience it. My husband has surrounded himself with only men who have some long term recovery time...but you just never know.
But I have been told that "I don't understand, you're not an addict" My reply was - then maybe you need another addict as a wife or girlfriend who does understand. lol He hasn't said it again.
I have heard many "sad" stories about members of NA and the whole 13 stepping. As of yet, I have not had to experience it. My husband has surrounded himself with only men who have some long term recovery time...but you just never know.
But I have been told that "I don't understand, you're not an addict" My reply was - then maybe you need another addict as a wife or girlfriend who does understand. lol He hasn't said it again.
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