Message from my son: very disturbing
part time member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
My heart bleeds for you and my prayers are with you. My nephew (28) was lost last Saturday. We don't know if it was accidental or not. Such a waste...I hope it is different for you and your son.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
I am losing my sanity. My heart is saying he is gone. Please pray for peace for our family.
I am mourning him with no proof he is gone except for an iron weight I felt this morning when I woke up.
I love him and would cut my arm off if that would help.
I need your prayers.
TT
I am mourning him with no proof he is gone except for an iron weight I felt this morning when I woke up.
I love him and would cut my arm off if that would help.
I need your prayers.
TT
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
I am praying for you Teresa. There's a quote I saw the last time I was tortured by what might be going on with my son
""If you focus on the worst case scenario—and it happens—then you’ve lived it twice. "
No matter how difficult it is, try to move your mind away from JJ right now. I don't know what you do for yourself that might distract you- take a walk, clean out that cluttered closet you've been meaning to get to for years, go to a movie with one of your other children, brew yourself a cup of tea. Just take one little step away - it should help move you closer to serenity.
""If you focus on the worst case scenario—and it happens—then you’ve lived it twice. "
No matter how difficult it is, try to move your mind away from JJ right now. I don't know what you do for yourself that might distract you- take a walk, clean out that cluttered closet you've been meaning to get to for years, go to a movie with one of your other children, brew yourself a cup of tea. Just take one little step away - it should help move you closer to serenity.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Dear Teresa -
Please lean on God, he will keep you strong.
Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I continue to pray for JJ and his loving family!
Please lean on God, he will keep you strong.
Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I continue to pray for JJ and his loving family!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
Teresa, hang in there. I know how hard it is to keep from going to that dark place, I do it often. I awoke this morning at 4am in a cold sweat just certain my son was dead. I drove myself crazy with my own thoughts of all the horrible things that could have happened and have been in a funk all day because of it. I did hear from his uncle who talked to him today so, for now, I know he's ok (yet for some reason my insides are still trembling).
I wanted to just lay in bed all day and have a pity party but I didn't. I forced myself up, walked the dog, did a little shopping then had lunch with a friend. It helped to get my mind off things for a while. Try to do something nice for yourself, even if it's just a cup if tea. There are lots of people praying for you and JJ. He's been in treatment before, he has some tools and knows where he can go for help. Trust that he's going to pull through this.
((hugs))
I wanted to just lay in bed all day and have a pity party but I didn't. I forced myself up, walked the dog, did a little shopping then had lunch with a friend. It helped to get my mind off things for a while. Try to do something nice for yourself, even if it's just a cup if tea. There are lots of people praying for you and JJ. He's been in treatment before, he has some tools and knows where he can go for help. Trust that he's going to pull through this.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
T
Our family has had the very unfortunate event of having the police show up at the door to tell us that there has been an accident......my Dad was dead.....it's a horrible thing to have happen. One day he was fine and wonderful and the next day he was a puddle of blood and gore on a small airport tarmac. The small aircraft he was piloting crashed during landing. I didn't expect it. The JOLT of it was unbelievable.
But what is really horrible is living a moment like that as though it has happened when it hasn't. Believe me, it's bad enough when it really does happen.....living and reliving the possibility of it happening is......unexplicable and unnecessary pain.
Hold on to your sanity. Know that if anything happens to JJ, you will be advised. Preparing yourself for it mentally will not lessen the impact if it should happen. I do understand.....my son is out there using and living a life that I cannot imagine. He has threatened suicide more times than I can count. For my own sanity, I've had to let go and let God. I love him but I can't save him.......I've tried.......and so have you tried with JJ.
I use to prepare myself mentally for my son's death so that I wouldn't feel that WHAM that I felt when we were told about my Dad's accident if/when the police showed up at my door to tell me that my son was gone. But what I found is that I was feeling that WHAM every single day in my mental preparation for something that had not happened yet. That WHAM.....that JOLT.......is not something we're suppose to feel everyday.
I hope you are able to let go of the fear and embrace faith. It is what gets me through each day.
You and JJ are in my prayers daily.
hugs from another Mom
ke
Our family has had the very unfortunate event of having the police show up at the door to tell us that there has been an accident......my Dad was dead.....it's a horrible thing to have happen. One day he was fine and wonderful and the next day he was a puddle of blood and gore on a small airport tarmac. The small aircraft he was piloting crashed during landing. I didn't expect it. The JOLT of it was unbelievable.
But what is really horrible is living a moment like that as though it has happened when it hasn't. Believe me, it's bad enough when it really does happen.....living and reliving the possibility of it happening is......unexplicable and unnecessary pain.
Hold on to your sanity. Know that if anything happens to JJ, you will be advised. Preparing yourself for it mentally will not lessen the impact if it should happen. I do understand.....my son is out there using and living a life that I cannot imagine. He has threatened suicide more times than I can count. For my own sanity, I've had to let go and let God. I love him but I can't save him.......I've tried.......and so have you tried with JJ.
I use to prepare myself mentally for my son's death so that I wouldn't feel that WHAM that I felt when we were told about my Dad's accident if/when the police showed up at my door to tell me that my son was gone. But what I found is that I was feeling that WHAM every single day in my mental preparation for something that had not happened yet. That WHAM.....that JOLT.......is not something we're suppose to feel everyday.
I hope you are able to let go of the fear and embrace faith. It is what gets me through each day.
You and JJ are in my prayers daily.
hugs from another Mom
ke
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Thank you everyone. I can't focus. Everyone else in our family is at a birthday barbeque. I couldn't bring myself to attend and try to make like everything is okay with me. Today I am in full meltdown. I pray that God delivers this pain and anguish from me and I am so terrified of getting the call or knock on the door that seals my fear.
I take great comfort in all of your prayers and concern. I know I am not alone in this nightmare.
I take great comfort in all of your prayers and concern. I know I am not alone in this nightmare.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Teresa - When I ever I am full of anxiety or have a feeling of dispair, I repeat this scripture over and over until I find peace. I hope you too can find the same comfort.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
I do so pray that you hear good news from your son soon. The waiting for the unknown is draining. We all care and understand your fears.
I recently had an early morning text from my AS that said, "love you. Got right." Scolled down a few lines then " I ate...." and that's it. He knows I worry about this spiritual life, so you can imagine what I thought all day when I couldn't get in touch with him. Turns out it was sent to me in error and he meant to say "got ride". Went all day thinking he had taken his life as he has threatened to do countless times. I'm a worrier, too, and know better.
Have you heard the saying "Worrying does help...because nothing I ever worry about really happens!"
We are praying with you. You are so open and kind on your posts to others. ((hug))
I recently had an early morning text from my AS that said, "love you. Got right." Scolled down a few lines then " I ate...." and that's it. He knows I worry about this spiritual life, so you can imagine what I thought all day when I couldn't get in touch with him. Turns out it was sent to me in error and he meant to say "got ride". Went all day thinking he had taken his life as he has threatened to do countless times. I'm a worrier, too, and know better.
Have you heard the saying "Worrying does help...because nothing I ever worry about really happens!"
We are praying with you. You are so open and kind on your posts to others. ((hug))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Dear Teresa,
So many prayer warriors are lifting up you and your beloved JJ. We are with you. We moms feel your anguish and pray for your hurting son. May God grant you His peace and strength.
So many prayer warriors are lifting up you and your beloved JJ. We are with you. We moms feel your anguish and pray for your hurting son. May God grant you His peace and strength.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm sorry for all the worry you are feeling....Mr. HG and I know it will. There was a time when his son was completely out of contact for a little over 6 months. All we could do was pray that he was safe--that he was still alive.
At the moment, "Jr." is living and working in another state. He still makes poor choices regarding alcohol and drugs, but he's alive!
Many hugs and prayers for you, you JJ, and your whole family
At the moment, "Jr." is living and working in another state. He still makes poor choices regarding alcohol and drugs, but he's alive!
Many hugs and prayers for you, you JJ, and your whole family
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 128
I wake up this morning and pray that your son is safe and willing to seek help. I pray that his heart is open to recovery and that he knows God is with him. I know how impossible it is to think of yourself at a time like this. Your present situation is like one I lived through over a year ago. It was the moment I learned true surrender. And with that surrender I found the miracle of serenity. In that moment, as much as I loved my son, I knew God loved him more. And I was able to release him to God, willing to accept the outcome, knowing it would be okay.
My son is presently in recovery. There is always hope. We never have to let go of hope.
My son is presently in recovery. There is always hope. We never have to let go of hope.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
