Tragedy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
There are no words to tell you how sorry I am for this tragedy. I can only imagine your pain, but hope you do find comfort in the fact he was trying to get on the right course.
Please know that I care. (((hug)))
Please know that I care. (((hug)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Up and onwards... :)
Posts: 274
Hi SeekingGrowth,
I was following your story with your son and cried out loud when I read of this terrible tragedy. As everyone has stated above, this was not your fault AT ALL.
I am so very sorry and am sending you some peaceful thoughts this eve.
I was following your story with your son and cried out loud when I read of this terrible tragedy. As everyone has stated above, this was not your fault AT ALL.
I am so very sorry and am sending you some peaceful thoughts this eve.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Up and onwards... :)
Posts: 274
SeekingGrowth, this just came to me ... again, I'm so very very sorry for the loss of your son in such a terrible and sad way...
...Who knows what happened in that house and the events that unfolded there. The girl escaped alive and if your son wasn't there, she'd probably be dead today if it was not for him.
I know it's not much comfort at a time like this, but I will forever remember your son as a hero. I truly believe he was.
Much love to you and your family and I hope you keep posting. We are all here for you!
Big Hugs!
...Who knows what happened in that house and the events that unfolded there. The girl escaped alive and if your son wasn't there, she'd probably be dead today if it was not for him.
I know it's not much comfort at a time like this, but I will forever remember your son as a hero. I truly believe he was.
Much love to you and your family and I hope you keep posting. We are all here for you!
Big Hugs!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
Posts: 452
I want to thank everyone who has posted a response to my thread for your outpouring of support, kindness, and love. I question whether I should have posted what I did, the day after my son's death, as it was so shocking and, given the subsequent news coverage of the event, kind of blew apart the anonymity that we are supposed to maintain on this site. His problems with addiction have not been discovered by the press, and I hope that it stays that way, as it would serve no purpose now for that information to get out to the general public. He would be horrified, embarrassed, and ashamed if the world at large knew these facts about him. Everyone who was close to him knew the truth.
I'm not sure if it matters, but my relationship with him was more complicated than the normal mother-son relationship. I never posted about that because it didn't seem relevant, and probably still is not, but given the blow to anonymity that my post and the press created, I feel that I should clarify. This boy was not actually my son. He was my youngest son's best friend for many years - we took him on vacations with us and he spent lots of time at our home. Two and a half years ago, his mother died and we took him in. I became his legal guardian. He had other relatives, including a father, but they all lived far away and were dealing with various issues of their own, and he wanted to stay in the area with his friends. He was in his senior year of high school when his mom died, and he wanted to finish school here.
His mother was the light of his life. In his mind, the rest of his world was miserable, abusive, and didn't understand him. He absolutely adored his mother; no other relationship even came close in terms of value and loving feelings. When she died, his world fell apart and he never recovered. It was at that point that he began messing around with opiates, and you all know the story after that.
I loved this kid like he was my own child, and treated him as my own child from the moment he moved in with us. I focused on him for the past 2-1/2 years to an extent that wasn't healthy for me. He had so many problems, was in such emotional pain, and I tried so hard to help him in every way I could think of, but nothing could pull him out of the emotional abyss in which he lived - except drugs. Of course we tried therapists, anti-depressants, lots of love ... he has been my obsession for a long time now. In our many conversations about his drug use, he often told me that drugs were the only thing that made him happy, and he asked me why I would want to take that away from him.
I referred to myself as his "bonus mom," and he referred to himself as my "bonus son." I am completely devastated, but take some comfort in knowing that he is with his true mom now ... the love of his life. The path he had ahead of him here was overwhelmingly difficult: Either pursuing recovery, which would have been so hard because he would have had to deal with all that pain and blackness inside - it would have taken him a very long time and lots of therapy just to approach normalcy, I think. Or he could have continued to do drugs, which was robbing him of his friends, family, me ... any kind of life. Both lousy choices. Now he is free. He is at peace. He's with his mom.
I'm not sure if it matters, but my relationship with him was more complicated than the normal mother-son relationship. I never posted about that because it didn't seem relevant, and probably still is not, but given the blow to anonymity that my post and the press created, I feel that I should clarify. This boy was not actually my son. He was my youngest son's best friend for many years - we took him on vacations with us and he spent lots of time at our home. Two and a half years ago, his mother died and we took him in. I became his legal guardian. He had other relatives, including a father, but they all lived far away and were dealing with various issues of their own, and he wanted to stay in the area with his friends. He was in his senior year of high school when his mom died, and he wanted to finish school here.
His mother was the light of his life. In his mind, the rest of his world was miserable, abusive, and didn't understand him. He absolutely adored his mother; no other relationship even came close in terms of value and loving feelings. When she died, his world fell apart and he never recovered. It was at that point that he began messing around with opiates, and you all know the story after that.
I loved this kid like he was my own child, and treated him as my own child from the moment he moved in with us. I focused on him for the past 2-1/2 years to an extent that wasn't healthy for me. He had so many problems, was in such emotional pain, and I tried so hard to help him in every way I could think of, but nothing could pull him out of the emotional abyss in which he lived - except drugs. Of course we tried therapists, anti-depressants, lots of love ... he has been my obsession for a long time now. In our many conversations about his drug use, he often told me that drugs were the only thing that made him happy, and he asked me why I would want to take that away from him.
I referred to myself as his "bonus mom," and he referred to himself as my "bonus son." I am completely devastated, but take some comfort in knowing that he is with his true mom now ... the love of his life. The path he had ahead of him here was overwhelmingly difficult: Either pursuing recovery, which would have been so hard because he would have had to deal with all that pain and blackness inside - it would have taken him a very long time and lots of therapy just to approach normalcy, I think. Or he could have continued to do drugs, which was robbing him of his friends, family, me ... any kind of life. Both lousy choices. Now he is free. He is at peace. He's with his mom.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 234
You are right Seeking it doesn't really matter. It doesn't change the love you had for him or the love he had for you. My husband and I used to have foster kids and one I was especially close to. When he was murdered I learned just how it felt to lose a child. Not one I gave birth to but my son nonetheless. I don't think his mother grieved any more than I did. He also had had his issues that I didn't want discovered or covered by the press. I felt to have those things brought up would somehow lessen him in death. He died protecting a teenage girl he didn't even know, just someone riding the same bus as him form an abusive man and was shot in the back for his efforts. He was a hero and I would have been devestated had his past been brought out. Thank God it never was. I continue to pray for everyone hurt by this senseless tragedy everyday.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The deeper truth to your story is both tragic and beautiful all at the same time. You truly were a bonus in his life and he in yours. You are so right.....there would be no useful purpose for the press to know of his struggles. I wouldn't put it past them to use it for simple sensationalism--it's how many of today's "journalists" roll (please note I said many and not all for anyone who is a journalist out there).
Thank you for sharing your pain and grief with us. The one thing that I have found with most people who have loved ones who are addicted, they share an understanding and empathy that others who haven't experienced addiction couldn't possibly relate to.
I'm so glad that he knew love in his life.....his mother's and his bonus mother's. You and all who were affected by this tragedy continue to be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Thank you for sharing your pain and grief with us. The one thing that I have found with most people who have loved ones who are addicted, they share an understanding and empathy that others who haven't experienced addiction couldn't possibly relate to.
I'm so glad that he knew love in his life.....his mother's and his bonus mother's. You and all who were affected by this tragedy continue to be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Joppa, Maryland
Posts: 61
I am adopted, and I totally understand that being a blood relative is not important when it comes to love. Your bonus son was lucky enough to have someone step in and be his bonus mom after he lost his mom. I wish there was something I could say that would help, but I am at a total loss of words. I burst into tears when I read your initial post, and I just couldn't believe it. I'm so glad you got to spend those four days with him. You will always remember that, and feel good about it. Hugs to you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My son, who is the addicted loved one in my life, is actually my foster-son, but I love him in my heart as if he were my own. I was never blessed with birth children, and I sometimes wonder if God was saving me for someone as special as my foster son. For all the heartache, I would not change a single day of my life with him. So I truly understand the love you feel for your son too. 
My prayers continue each day for you and all who loved your son, the woman who died as well and the dear girl who survived. May God bless each one of you.
And please know that anonymity is respected here. What is shared in these forums, stays in these forums.
Hugs
My prayers continue each day for you and all who loved your son, the woman who died as well and the dear girl who survived. May God bless each one of you.
And please know that anonymity is respected here. What is shared in these forums, stays in these forums.
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Truly an amazing story. Special prayers continue for this young man, his mother, and his 'bonus' mother. I'm also still praying for the young girl and hope that she has strong family support around her, too.
Last edited by Seren; 04-08-2012 at 04:52 PM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
SeekingGrowth,
Thank you for sharing here.
Even though I live nearby (in the giant Detroit metro area), I did not look at papers, watch the news or do anything to find out who you are or your son.
I don't know why, maybe because I hope if it were necessary someone would protect my privacy and anonymity if it came to this.
Yes, yes he is.
But, my offer to help in any way still stands. Anything to ease or lighten the load for you and yours.
Beth
Thank you for sharing here.
Even though I live nearby (in the giant Detroit metro area), I did not look at papers, watch the news or do anything to find out who you are or your son.
I don't know why, maybe because I hope if it were necessary someone would protect my privacy and anonymity if it came to this.
Now he is free. He is at peace. He's with his mom.
But, my offer to help in any way still stands. Anything to ease or lighten the load for you and yours.
Beth
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