Tragedy
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
I am so very sorry for your tragic loss.
I have a friend who had a son younger than your son.
She let him spend the night at a friend's house one night.
A man escaped from a prison and found his way to the house where my friend's son was staying. He axed everyone in the house to death including my friend's son.
I am sure she thought if she had only said he couldn't spend the night with his friend that night that her son would be alive and safe today. If you take addiction out of the picture the circumstances are similar.
Your son had a place to live with his boss who was willing to look after him. He was just visiting his new girlfriend and this tragic event happened. It is no different than a normal person without addiction visiting a girlfriend and having the same tragic event occur. It is not different than my friend letting her son spend the night at his friend's house.
When we make our tough love decisions that are in our child's best interest we are willing to go through the terrible pain our decisions cause to give them the best chance they have to find recovery. Rescuing our children just allows them to repeat the same vicious circle of addiction they are trapped in. I rescued for 20 years and have the experience to prove that it did not help.
I just left my son stranded in another state knowing no one. He found is way to a state 3000 miles away from me. I left him out there. I can't describe the pain of doing that. I know the risk of him dying. He is now in a treatment program. It was his only choice.
Your son's death was completely separate from his addiction. Your choices and actions did not cause this. We take the same risk when we allow our teenagers to drive. Your son was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I am so sorry for your pain. It is not your fault.
Hugs and prayers.
MG
I have a friend who had a son younger than your son.
She let him spend the night at a friend's house one night.
A man escaped from a prison and found his way to the house where my friend's son was staying. He axed everyone in the house to death including my friend's son.
I am sure she thought if she had only said he couldn't spend the night with his friend that night that her son would be alive and safe today. If you take addiction out of the picture the circumstances are similar.
Your son had a place to live with his boss who was willing to look after him. He was just visiting his new girlfriend and this tragic event happened. It is no different than a normal person without addiction visiting a girlfriend and having the same tragic event occur. It is not different than my friend letting her son spend the night at his friend's house.
When we make our tough love decisions that are in our child's best interest we are willing to go through the terrible pain our decisions cause to give them the best chance they have to find recovery. Rescuing our children just allows them to repeat the same vicious circle of addiction they are trapped in. I rescued for 20 years and have the experience to prove that it did not help.
I just left my son stranded in another state knowing no one. He found is way to a state 3000 miles away from me. I left him out there. I can't describe the pain of doing that. I know the risk of him dying. He is now in a treatment program. It was his only choice.
Your son's death was completely separate from his addiction. Your choices and actions did not cause this. We take the same risk when we allow our teenagers to drive. Your son was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I am so sorry for your pain. It is not your fault.
Hugs and prayers.
MG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 159
My goodness - I am SO, SO, SO very sorry. I agree that you did not cause this.
Your strength in sharing is so admirable and I hope you find peace knowing that you had some special time bonding with your son.
I am so sorry - I wish I had better words and encouragement to share. I will pray for you and others involved in this tragedy.
Your strength in sharing is so admirable and I hope you find peace knowing that you had some special time bonding with your son.
I am so sorry - I wish I had better words and encouragement to share. I will pray for you and others involved in this tragedy.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Dear SeekingGrowth,
I am so sorry for your loss. This is such a tragedy. My heart is breaking for you and everyone involved.
I hope that you are surrounded by love & support and that you find the strength you need to make it through.
Prayers & Hugs,
db
I am so sorry for your loss. This is such a tragedy. My heart is breaking for you and everyone involved.
I hope that you are surrounded by love & support and that you find the strength you need to make it through.
Prayers & Hugs,
db
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
I am so very sorry that you have had to experience such a horrific loss. I can't begin to understand what you are going through, but please know that I do feel very badly for you. You have experienced one of the most horrible things that can ever happen to a parent. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Please know how very sorry I am, for you and all involved. My heart and prayers go out for you, today and in the troubling days to come. We are here if you want to talk, please know how very much we care.
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Dear SeekingGrowth,
I read this thread earlier today and was so shocked I could not respond. It has affected me deeply for reasons I know that you understand. I feel like the air has been sucked out of my lungs and it's a little hard to breathe. I really have no idea what this grief must feel like for you. I pray that angels will surround you for today and many days to come. I am very, very sorry for this horrible loss. Your precious child.
Please know that we all grieve with you and care about you very much.
-Terry
I read this thread earlier today and was so shocked I could not respond. It has affected me deeply for reasons I know that you understand. I feel like the air has been sucked out of my lungs and it's a little hard to breathe. I really have no idea what this grief must feel like for you. I pray that angels will surround you for today and many days to come. I am very, very sorry for this horrible loss. Your precious child.
Please know that we all grieve with you and care about you very much.
-Terry
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((SG)))))
I am so very very sorry that you are having to go through this.
Sending prayers for you, your family, and the family of the girl.
I do not believe that 'your sticking to your boundaries' did this to him. From what I have read it looks like she is a very talented young lady and she certainly is very very pretty. I can see why your son was drawn to her and to me shows that he was on the road to recovery. He was looking UP not down, and had his eyes on the brass ring. And from what I read, comments from those that know the girlfriend, that she is a pretty level headed young lady. Broke up with the exbf because he was 'too controlling.' That tells me that she thought pretty well of your son.
Again sending good thoughts and prayers to all of you, and asking her HP to guide her to some counseling for her own sanity.
We are here for you.
Love and hugs,
I am so very very sorry that you are having to go through this.
Sending prayers for you, your family, and the family of the girl.
I do not believe that 'your sticking to your boundaries' did this to him. From what I have read it looks like she is a very talented young lady and she certainly is very very pretty. I can see why your son was drawn to her and to me shows that he was on the road to recovery. He was looking UP not down, and had his eyes on the brass ring. And from what I read, comments from those that know the girlfriend, that she is a pretty level headed young lady. Broke up with the exbf because he was 'too controlling.' That tells me that she thought pretty well of your son.
Again sending good thoughts and prayers to all of you, and asking her HP to guide her to some counseling for her own sanity.
We are here for you.
Love and hugs,
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I meant to add, hoping that it may help in the future, but there are a number of mothers here who have lost their children too, and I hope you will come around when you feel a little better and maybe share with them too.
Again, my prayers go out for you and all who loved those who were victims of this terrible crime.
Hugs
Again, my prayers go out for you and all who loved those who were victims of this terrible crime.
Hugs
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