Codependent addict :(
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
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hey cynical one...who are you talking about? who is the WE that is self-righteous, perfectly hypocritical, and going into a meltdown? is this someone that is practicing recovery? who is talking ad nauseum about an addict? who has their panties in a bunch?
go to the other side of this board, see if you find anyone in the substance abuse forum name calling and shaming other members of the community. see if you find someone else using the "we" in a generalized shaming sense. if they are dealing with difficulties of withdrawal are they told that they are not in recovery but that they are an addict and a hypocrite?
go to the other side of this board, see if you find anyone in the substance abuse forum name calling and shaming other members of the community. see if you find someone else using the "we" in a generalized shaming sense. if they are dealing with difficulties of withdrawal are they told that they are not in recovery but that they are an addict and a hypocrite?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
and Kelly, you're not "able to admit to being a codependent right now" but hey, why not write and opinionated post and title it "codependent addict" and then pick at other peoples suffering, learning, struggling and growth. If someone decides to practice a little self focus/self care by simply going to get their nails done you can pick on them for it...and compare it to a crack relapse. yes. your experience, strength and hope is astounding...
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 445
I match up to many of the codie characteristics but not all. *I actually*think that most of these behaviors are fine if they are kept in normal healthy levels.*
But when my BF relapsed and his addiction became part of my life; I went wildly codependent for a good month. *I ate, drank, slept thinking about his DOC, how to help him, I snooped through all his stuff, looked at his phone.....I would have looked at FB but neither of us use that....but all the small stuff I mentioned earlier - I did. That is why I feel I can say 'we' when I talk about codependents as a collective group.
But at some point, I stopped all if that and my life went back to normal activity at least 98%.
Now, I worry about my BF in a general sense. **I just trust him to handle this. I may get hurt but that's a risk I have accepted. I treat him normal.*
So what I really think to be true is that I'm a recovering codependent. *
But I worry that I could relapse; worry that I would (although I don't know to what degree) if he suffers his own relapse from the cocaine.*
And then of course there are changes to the status quo coming up ....that may affect my trust level and codependency issues
Does that make sense? *
I do seek clarity......but I can't find it cause you guys go to war and get all my threads locked.*
Oy
But when my BF relapsed and his addiction became part of my life; I went wildly codependent for a good month. *I ate, drank, slept thinking about his DOC, how to help him, I snooped through all his stuff, looked at his phone.....I would have looked at FB but neither of us use that....but all the small stuff I mentioned earlier - I did. That is why I feel I can say 'we' when I talk about codependents as a collective group.
But at some point, I stopped all if that and my life went back to normal activity at least 98%.
Now, I worry about my BF in a general sense. **I just trust him to handle this. I may get hurt but that's a risk I have accepted. I treat him normal.*
So what I really think to be true is that I'm a recovering codependent. *
But I worry that I could relapse; worry that I would (although I don't know to what degree) if he suffers his own relapse from the cocaine.*
And then of course there are changes to the status quo coming up ....that may affect my trust level and codependency issues
Does that make sense? *
I do seek clarity......but I can't find it cause you guys go to war and get all my threads locked.*
Oy
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Kelley))) - I can only tell you my experience. As far as the "I trust him to handle this"...I eventually realized that the only thing I trusted "him" to do was make me not trust him.
It took me my own addiction, coming here, before I realized I was a codie. Whether you are, or not, you will figure it out. I remember reading "codie no more" and all kinds of books and I just could not answer my own questions. We're talking more than 20 years, for me. I wore out TWO copies of codie no more, highlighters, you name it and I still didn't understand.
What I learned was that I figure things out when I'm meant to. Yes, I do believe in HP, I am NOT happy that I had to become an A to figure it all out, but then I don't regret it either...I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for figuring out things the hard way.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It took me my own addiction, coming here, before I realized I was a codie. Whether you are, or not, you will figure it out. I remember reading "codie no more" and all kinds of books and I just could not answer my own questions. We're talking more than 20 years, for me. I wore out TWO copies of codie no more, highlighters, you name it and I still didn't understand.
What I learned was that I figure things out when I'm meant to. Yes, I do believe in HP, I am NOT happy that I had to become an A to figure it all out, but then I don't regret it either...I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for figuring out things the hard way.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Originally Posted by KelleyF 
But I worry that I could relapse; worry that I would (although I don't know to what degree) if he suffers his own relapse from the cocaine.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Sorry this is highly improper; but yesterday a post was removed due to it's "attitude" - it was rephrased and reposted.. But one of the comments had me laughing, and it just came to mind when I read Cynicals quote on having "panties in a bunch" - apparently There is a though that I'm the type who doesnt wear panties..... So what's a bunching alternative ?
Sorry ..... This is meant in a joking context..... I don't get offended easily so I thought it was funny.
Quote by cynical:
We throw the label “addict” or even worse “my addict” around like it’s nothing, but then get our panties in a bunch if someone dares label us “codependent” and I’ve yet to hear “my codependent”.
Sorry ..... This is meant in a joking context..... I don't get offended easily so I thought it was funny.
Quote by cynical:
We throw the label “addict” or even worse “my addict” around like it’s nothing, but then get our panties in a bunch if someone dares label us “codependent” and I’ve yet to hear “my codependent”.
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Kelly
“We decide to escape our reality by getting our nails done, having a day of relaxation. *But to the drug addict, we say work harder; go to meetings everyday, be humble don't expect sympathy.”
LOL, my son had lots of “days of relaxation” living off everyone else.
I don’t think I escape reality by doing something kind for myself. For example, I went to the dog park with my little furry best bud, and bought myself a nice lunch. It was an escape in a way, but not from reality. I was finally allowing myself to have a nice pleasant day after a few weeks in a nightmare with my AS.
“Codies” are not always running off doing things for ourselves, and cutting ourselves slack while being hard on the addict. It is normally the opposite of that. We need to learn to issue tough love, and also take good care of ourselves. Many of us have not seen a nail salon in ages (addicts are expensive) and for some we are still getting our finances back in order even after we said no to paying for the addict-in the aftermath. We are usually people who are very hard on ourselves.
At this point I do not tell my AS to work harder or anything else, because I have no contact with him after 7 years of living with his addiction. In all that time, he has and still has my sympathy. I was always proud of, and hopeful for any little thing he did that was good for him.
Yes, we do have issues and our own recovery to work through as enablers of addicts, but there is a difference between the behavior of a codependent the behavior of an addict and the effects. They are two important, but very different - life changing journeys.
Take care
“We decide to escape our reality by getting our nails done, having a day of relaxation. *But to the drug addict, we say work harder; go to meetings everyday, be humble don't expect sympathy.”
LOL, my son had lots of “days of relaxation” living off everyone else.
I don’t think I escape reality by doing something kind for myself. For example, I went to the dog park with my little furry best bud, and bought myself a nice lunch. It was an escape in a way, but not from reality. I was finally allowing myself to have a nice pleasant day after a few weeks in a nightmare with my AS.
“Codies” are not always running off doing things for ourselves, and cutting ourselves slack while being hard on the addict. It is normally the opposite of that. We need to learn to issue tough love, and also take good care of ourselves. Many of us have not seen a nail salon in ages (addicts are expensive) and for some we are still getting our finances back in order even after we said no to paying for the addict-in the aftermath. We are usually people who are very hard on ourselves.
At this point I do not tell my AS to work harder or anything else, because I have no contact with him after 7 years of living with his addiction. In all that time, he has and still has my sympathy. I was always proud of, and hopeful for any little thing he did that was good for him.
Yes, we do have issues and our own recovery to work through as enablers of addicts, but there is a difference between the behavior of a codependent the behavior of an addict and the effects. They are two important, but very different - life changing journeys.
Take care
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Enough. The personal attacks are uncalled for and certainly no way to welcome the newcomers and show "our" recovery in action. I think this thread has gone beyond its intended purpose. lets move on.
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Originally Posted by bluebelle
It sounds to me like you are saying that whether or not you relapse with codependency is based on whether or not he chooses to take cocaine again.
I'm afraid it could cause it yes.
I'm also afraid that I may get nervous when he stops doing the blood tests; maybe in a few weeks. It's like a safety; removes worry.
That I guess is why I've been thinking about this more lately.
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