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Is this a massive cry for help? Suicide?

Old 02-17-2012, 12:37 AM
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Is this a massive cry for help? Suicide?

Most of my threads have been about the same person. I have been friends with her for about 15 years. We were extreme party animals with no shortage of participants. Things have changed.

I have not been hammered since July 2011 but I have had a couple of drinks occasionally and fought the urge to have more and that part has not been easy. Things are changing for the better for me and my friend is getting more bitter. She is drinking twice as much as I have known her to drink and there is a lot going against her such as schizophrenia and alcohol induced epilepsy, among the rest of the obvious stuff. I love her but have started to dislike her over the last few months.

Yesterday we talked on the phone and she said she wanted to leave her property and the rest of her inheritance to me in her will. She said she wanted no funeral service and didn't care how many wakes everyone had. She is only fifty. She considers me family, although she spends more time with the alkys than she does with me. She says she is happy with her life and is adamant that she will never try to reform herself whereas I am feeling better all the time.

She called me today (I let the msg go to voice) and she said it wasn't the booze talking yesterday. She had been building up the courage to ask me those things for a long time and could we talk about it. I don't want to talk about it.

I have been put in a quandary. The further I get to my goal the less I find her so attractive a prospect for my future. I love her but lately I have liked her less and notice that her company brings out the worst in me. I don't see her as family the way she sees me.

Also, my intuition suggests she is alluding to suicide and using the 'will thing' as way of saying HELP!
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Old 02-17-2012, 04:20 AM
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Sympathy, manipulation, a cry for help? I don't know... if your gut says you don't want to talk about the "will thing" then, don't... that's what a Will is for, right? I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation of having to re-evaluate your interaction your "family" friend. I hope that you find the strength to continue on your path of taking care of yourself and that this will serve as an example to your friend. Sending you strength and peace.
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:33 AM
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If she is talking about leaving her property to you that is often a very serious sign that she plans on suicide. She needs help ASAP.
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:41 AM
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Hmm, I think it's more manipulation than anything else. However she does need help absolutely.
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Old 02-17-2012, 07:40 AM
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Well, I have had those types of conversations with my dear friends...to let them know of my wishes in case I should pass w/o warning...that doesn't mean I am suicidal, it means I want my wishes known. On the other hand, I know you are concerned about this friend and have been for a very long time. I also know you wanted to distance yourself from her for a variety of reasons.

When you were on the phone with her, did you ever ask her why she was wanting to talk about those things? Did you ask her if she was having thoughts of suicide?

I think if I were you, I'd call a suicide hotline and ask for their guidance. My daughter is sometimes suicidal (and in treatment) -- we approach it directly and I ask her if she's been having thoughts. If the answer is yes, I ask if she has a plan in place. If she says yes, then it's time to either go to the hospital or ramp up her treatment plan. So, being in the position you are in, you have the opportunity to help determine what she needs, but I know you don't care to get very involved in an ongoing thing. So perhaps if you have that conversation with her, and determine that she is suicidal, then you call 911 and let them handle it.

She could just very well be thinking about these things in a practical way since she is 50 and living a pretty hard life! And she very well could be sensing your desire for distance and thinking this is a way to reel you in.

In any case, the highest priority would be to determine if she is suicidal and handle that as best you can.

That's just my $0.02 -- a different perspective for you to consider. I hope everything turns out alright. ((((Hugs))))
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Old 02-17-2012, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by ajnaT View Post
Most of my threads have been about the same person. I have been friends with her for about 15 years. We were extreme party animals with no shortage of participants. Things have changed.

I have not been hammered since July 2011 but I have had a couple of drinks occasionally and fought the urge to have more and that part has not been easy. Things are changing for the better for me and my friend is getting more bitter. She is drinking twice as much as I have known her to drink and there is a lot going against her such as schizophrenia and alcohol induced epilepsy, among the rest of the obvious stuff. I love her but have started to dislike her over the last few months.

Yesterday we talked on the phone and she said she wanted to leave her property and the rest of her inheritance to me in her will. She said she wanted no funeral service and didn't care how many wakes everyone had. She is only fifty. She considers me family, although she spends more time with the alkys than she does with me. She says she is happy with her life and is adamant that she will never try to reform herself whereas I am feeling better all the time.

She called me today (I let the msg go to voice) and she said it wasn't the booze talking yesterday. She had been building up the courage to ask me those things for a long time and could we talk about it. I don't want to talk about it.

I have been put in a quandary. The further I get to my goal the less I find her so attractive a prospect for my future. I love her but lately I have liked her less and notice that her company brings out the worst in me. I don't see her as family the way she sees me.

Also, my intuition suggests she is alluding to suicide and using the 'will thing' as way of saying HELP!
Has she ever alluded to taking her own life before?

If so, does she have a plan?
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Old 02-17-2012, 02:12 PM
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Not knowing her I would be cautious. I have also let my family know of my death wishes BUT I am not in her situation.

I think she wants to get things back to like they were before, you were best buds for 15 years and she has already told you she doesn't want changes in her life.

If your intuition is telling you otherwise then I think you should let someone able to help her know about the conversation.
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:46 PM
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Thanks to all for your input.

It was the experience of my father taking his own life that has piqued my suspicion about the situation. In my Dad's case, he sold everything he owned so we could pay for his funeral a month later. The difference is that my Dad was the happiest I had ever seen him in my 14 years and I really thought that the help and support he was getting was driving him onwards and upwards. It didn't take long for me to see the reason behind this happiness.

Helpme 33, I am sure she misses the old days and there are lots of people left in her camp who are wasted 'intellectuals'. Her fiftieth birthday was a curse from where I was viewing. I kept refusing drinks and bongs, having had sufficient.

ZOSO77, she has mentioned being suicidal but never has she talked about attempting it. I don't know if she has a plan.

All of you have the same thoughts as I have. She might be planning to take her own life and I feel that she is trying to manipulate me into staying bosom buddies with her which I know won't happen, especially not now, and I think she might know that as well.

Where I live, the mental health system is a bloody disgrace. People are turned away from emergency at the hospital in large numbers and quite a few have actioned their plans as a result. We have a notorious bridge in this city and a deep river to accommodate the irrevocably heartbroken. Our triage assessment team is now the local police, since our state government has axed jobs in every part of the public health system. It sucks that the police have to try and not treat a distressed, drunken person like a criminal instead of a person who needs medical help and TLC. They don't know how to negotiate with a psychotic drunk, only a drunk.

We have a phone service which is less than adequate for the number of people who are in need of an ear. The volunteers have to 'process' every caller within twenty minutes or nobody gets to talk. I can time it by my watch.

My friend has been sectioned in recent months when she was very drunk. How many times does this have to happen before a person takes stock of their inner disquiet?

tjp613, I have my own funeral plans and pay insurance for it. Nothing in my will, except that my niece will have a fabulous wardrobe to dive into. I didn't see the sense in discussing this Will plan because my friend was wasted. She was tipsy when she called and she was smashed at the end and planning to continue destroying herself after the call ended.

I will call the phone counselling tonight, if I can get in as weekends are very popular for the distressed, for obvious reasons to me. I will have a list of questions to ask.

(((())))
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