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anxious and confused

Old 11-21-2011, 07:06 AM
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anxious and confused

On august 11 my divorce was final. My x defaulted on the divorce and signed the papers agreeing to 2 hours supervised visits. Since then he has seen my son 3 times. Always canceling or no callon no show. On friday he texted me asking for previous year tax returns. I asked him why, and he never responded. Im scared he is trying to take my son away. But in reality, I have everything documented and I know he has no money. He couldn't afford a lawyer. But, he is so secretive it makes me very uneasy he is up to something. I hate feeling so unsafe. I just worry about the safety. Of my son. He has creditors calling, barely can give me money, is still wearing the same shoes from years ago...he is more then likely is filing for bankruptcy. Why the secrecy?

I am just so confused. I know he is in pain because during his last visit my son didn't want anything to do with him. And of course he blames me. It was suggested to tell my son healing stories about his father so that he knows his father still loves him. I told my x I was doing this to help him feel better. And maybe his blame and anger towards me will subside.

I don't know. This is just so hard. Im so confused. I know he is an addict, but it is so hard to understand what he is thinking and feeling since he is so secretive and untrustworthy. No contact has been really hard for me. I am a codie. I just don't know what my x is up to, and it is so nerve wracking. I know he isn't clean. I know he doesn't have money. I know he is in pain that our son wants nothing to do with him. Why do I feel like he is all the sudden not an active addict? Like all the sudden he is going to pull himself together and poof, take my son. I don't want my son exposed to him and his degenerate friends.

Im so tired of the secrecy and distrust. I wish he would just act like an adult.

I know this disease is progressive. I am hoping he will disappear. And I will keep working on no contact.

Sigh. He is a thorn in my side!

thank you for listening. This site has been my sanity.
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pacificsunrise (12-28-2011)
Old 11-21-2011, 08:27 AM
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Detachment with Love. This sticky helps.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ment-love.html

SO hard!
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pacificsunrise (12-28-2011)
Old 11-21-2011, 11:17 AM
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he's probably just trying to get state financial aid or something. Does he have "something on you" that you are nervous about? if so look for an anonymous legal hotline and check in on your worries.
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pacificsunrise (12-28-2011)
Old 11-21-2011, 12:05 PM
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From the voice of someone who walked a very expensive and painful financial lesson with my ex husband - please consider speaking with your attorney before giving out any financial records ~ or at least removing your social security number and personal infomation (DOB) from them so that your ex can't borrow $$ in your name!

You may especially want to talk to your attorney if he files bankruptcy - as this may affect you if his debts were incurred during your marriage. Please know I'm not giving financial or legal advice - just know what happened to me and it wasn't PRETTY!!

As far as dealing with the issues between him and your son ~ that is always tough.

Prayers and good thoughts sent your way!

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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pacificsunrise (12-28-2011)
Old 11-21-2011, 01:04 PM
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no, he has nothing on me. I am just a worry wort by nature. He is really angry that his son doesn't want anything to do with him, and of course blames me. Its insane. And I don't understand his secrecy. There is no trust.

I think im just tired and stressed. I think I am just trying to figure out how to deal with an addict. And I think detaching with love is where I am heading. I have to just let go.

Each day I am healing more and more. But it is painful and confusing

Thanks for the comments. This site helps to put things in perspective.
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Old 11-21-2011, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by story74 View Post
And of course he blames me.

Addiction demands he protect and sustain it. Blaming you instead of taking responsibility is his way of protecting his addiction.

I wish he would just act like an adult.

Sounds like a hopeful fantasy.

I know this disease is progressive. I am hoping he will disappear. And I will keep working on no contact.
Just because he blames does not make it true.
You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.
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