hopeful0323

Feeling a little blue today. Its Halloween and I am super excited to take my little ones trick or treating tonight! But it is the first Holiday we will not be spending with AXBF. He called me three time this morning but I did not answer. I was not willing to allow him to ruin my day. Also, he was calling for one of three things: he neededmoney, he needed a ride somewhere or he wanted to come trick or treating with me and the girls (which also is not happening). I am pretty sure he is using again, all the signs are there but I have decided not to have contact with him for now, at least. One day at a time. But feeling sad that we cannot share the joy of watching our 18 month old daughter at her first experience with trick or treating, or our 6 year old's excitment running form house to house, as she does every year! He is losing out big time! But it will probably be a long time before he realizes that, if he ever does. I am just going to try to shove the saddness aside and enjoy the night with my girls.

useyourwords

I am so sorry, Hopeful, but good job for being strong and not answering even on a day when you are feeling especially vulnerable! Your AXBF is not missing out on this because of you, but because of his own actions. And for your girls it will be the best thing to share this day with YOU, not with someone who is using -- so way to be a great mom!! I know that doesn't make it any easier when we wish we could share moments . . . . Stay strong and enjoy trick or treating! And let us know what your little ones are dressing up as!

hopeful0323

My 18 month old is dressing up as a flower and my 6 year old is dressing up as a vampire cheerleader, it should be lots of fun!!

steve1840

that sounds like a lot of fun, i hope you havea good time

outtolunch

It's his choices that cause his losses.

Addiction don't care about anything beyond being sustained.

Vicious cycle.

You are handling things in a responsible and mature manner.

useyourwords

haha a vampire cheerleader-- I love it!!!! And I am sure your little one will be an adorable flower! Enjoy your girls and your night!

hopeful0323

So AXBF left message on my phone today. Apparently he is very upset that I did not include him in the trick or treating extravaganza last night. This is coming from the person who only attempts to contact his children once a week, if even. He does not financially or emotionally support them pretty much ever. And now all the sudden, because its a holiday, he cares?? He has me feeling so guilty and I just can't seem to shake it. Its taking everything in me not to call him back and tell him what an idiot he is. He's upset?? Really?? I am upset because I am supporting and caring for two small children ON MY OWN without his, or anyone else's help. I'm tired from working 40 hours a week and stressing about money and bills, while he lacks any responsibility at all. Sorry for the ranting,just needed to get this out!

Justlizzyd

Please choose to not feel guilty. His actions and attitude just show how far off he is from any type of recovery IMHO. Just let this be a reminder of why he is an X. Don't allow this situation to ruin what I am sure was a great time with your kids!

useyourwords

his actions, his consequences! you did the best possible thing for you and your kids -- be proud that you stood your ground!

hello-kitty

Don't own his problems. There's nothing you can do to change the situation that he has created for himself. He's just doing what addicts do - blaming others and not accepting responsibility for his life choices.

You are protecting your children's emotional wellbeing and stability. Good for you. And good for them.

Windblown

Hey Hopeful you sound really good. Holidays are very difficult for me too. I know that it is part of the addict's MO to use guilt to get what they want. Don't get conned. Keep talking about it here so you can get sane suggestions. Ever seen that bumper sticker that says "Screw Guilt?" Hey if it were only that easy.

Got any pics of your children in costume?

Things will get better.

Windblown

Yep...me too anvil! No parents...just a crowd of kids...the older ones kept up with the little ones.

addictionwife

HI, Hopeful, I am very new to this, all of it, and I just wanted to tell you that I hope I can be as strong as you for the times I have ahead of me. Good job, and feel very proud of what a good Mom you are!