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6 years ago today,

Old 10-31-2011, 01:12 PM
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6 years ago today,

I was released from the diversion center after having been locked up for almost 6 months. I'm posting this HERE as I recently realized that my addiction issues didn't end when I walked out those doors.

I thought I was done with the dope, and very well MAY have been done, but I didn't realize that I was just as addicted to people, fixing (or trying to) their problems, and drama every bit as much as I was addicted to crack.

Not every codie turns to drugs to deal with the feelings, I did. Long story short, my relapse started with my then best friend's husband dumping some crack on the table (she was at work). I didn't want to cause problems in THEIR relationship by telling her, was out of town, so I did what addicts do..smoked it with him. Didn't tell her about it for about a year.

I made some really bad decisions while on dope, but I made just as many as a codie. I lost myself, I actually hurt the people I was trying to help by enabling.

I initially came to this forum because I wanted to be reminded of how my actions had hurt my family, to never forget. I soon learned I had some serious codie issues and if I didn't work on those? I never WAS going to find me again.

Fast forward to today...my now ex-best friend? In jail again. Her husband? In prison. My XABF#3? Dead. My codie family? Still codie, but are much better at respecting my boundaries and very supportive. My friends today? The majority are in recovery and love me enough to give me a swift kick in the a$$ when I start sliding.

I am grateful to all of you who have taught me so much, been there for me through some pretty tough stuff, and show me there is life after addiction and codependency. I know I will still slip and slide into "codie land", I just have the tools to get back on track a lot faster.

I often read "work the recovery you wish they would". I can only add that we codies have to want recovery just as much as the A's do. Giving our loved ones the dignity to live their life as they choose? Really, really hard. However, if my family hadn't done that for me? I'd probably be in jail or dead, just like the people who I tried to shelter from their consequences.

Love to you all!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 10-31-2011, 01:46 PM
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I'm really glad you've been here Amy...and I'm glad to have walked beside you for part (most) of those 6 years

D
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Old 10-31-2011, 02:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect View Post
I can only add that we codies have to want recovery just as much as the A's do.
And it's the RA's such as yourself that taught me that, in straightforward language that I needed to hear.

Thank You
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Old 10-31-2011, 04:49 PM
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love ya' girl
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:30 AM
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(((Amy)))
I am so glad that you are here, guiding others in the gentle and encouraging way that is you. I love the way you deal with each day , bringing what it brings, with serenity, and grace. And how you always have your toolbox with you, for those more challenging times, and you share!
Much love,
chicory
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:38 AM
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When we take the hard lessons of the past and turn them into something we can share to help others, it turns them into a strangely wrapped gift.

Thank you for sharing your light with so many of us, Amy. You bring us hope, because you were able to put down the drugs and because, in spite of the bad times in your life, you were able to overcome them and move forward in a positive way.

You remind us all that we don't have to stay "stuck" and that together we can do what we cannot do alone. I am honoured to walk with you here.

Hugs
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Old 11-01-2011, 04:19 AM
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(((Amy))) What Ann said!

You are a shining light to so many people.....thank you!
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Old 11-01-2011, 05:18 AM
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((Amy))

Oh my sweet and precious friend - I don't know that I can ever express my gratitude to you ~

You have no idea how much your story, your life and your accomplishments renew my faith daily!! The fact that you are Honest Open and Willing renews my faith that someday my daughter will embrace the opportunity to allow that type of recovery in her life too.

You remind me of her so much - so beautiful, so smart, so loving and so caring for others!

Thank you for always sharing with us.

Also, thank you for always encouraging me thru my times of struggles and difficulties - you are a treasure in my heart!

PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 11-01-2011, 12:58 PM
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thanks for being here amy
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Old 11-02-2011, 03:55 AM
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Hi Amy, you have been such an inspiration to me over the past four years. You consistently renew my faith & hope. Thankyou for sharing your story, and guidance.
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Old 11-02-2011, 08:49 AM
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Amy, you rock. You just do.
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