jksully

Hi all.. I think this is the right place to post this??

My wife who I love very very much and the mother to our 2 young kids went out on monday 23rd aug and I have not seen her since. She is 32 I have known her since she was 17.. we were together for a few years then I left becuase of her addiction and her refusal to get help..

fast forward 3 years ago I found her and we got back together now we are married and have two wonderful kids and a nice home. she is/was stable on a methadone prescription but the past 5/6 months has been using at home every now and again and its got more and more frequent.. I knew it was wrong to allow this to happen but I knew she would of gone and done it anyway..

She went out on that day to get drugs (brown and white) and never returned.. no phone calls no facebook contact no anything.. I reported her missing (got shed loads of abuse from police...) Social services were brought in promising the usual help (got naff all except nasty looks and empty promises)

When she left there was no indication she was not coming back.. she went out with money and the clothes on her back nothing else not even her keys or phone..

This has happened lots of times over the years but this time is different she has told the police she wants no contact with me or the kids.. (kids are with me at home) I have moved heaven and earth for her to help her I have given up contact with my kids from a previous relationship, given up my friends.. moved house 3 times I have done everything I can do and still she does this.. I have had addiction problems myself.. but that was 12 years ago thats how we met originally. But I have not had any problems in over 10 years thank god.. I seem to be able to take it or leave it.. I dont know why..

I know in past times she does what she does and then a few days later she realises what shes done and feels guilty and ashamed at what she has done and thats why she took longer to come back as she has little confidence at these times and is mixed up and will think I will eiher not want her or something like that..

I have supported her through thick and thin, tolerated a LOT of stuff that really should of put an end to the marriage.. but I have loved her since I was 18 and took a long time to find her and get her back.. when she is stable she is THE most best lovery person in my world she is perfect to me and do not want to lose her.. plus this is killing my kids, son is 2yrs daughter 5months, she has suffered a LOT in her childhood (abuse) and not much better as an adult. She has recently been diagnosed post natal depression.

I cannot take the thieving the lies the scheming the false empty promises..

She has been addicted since she was 17 and now 32. longest she has gone completely clean no methadone no nothing was maybe 2 years..

Funny thing is to look at her you would never know.. she aint your typical looking addict.. she doesnt even look her age.. dont know how she does it lol.. but on the inside.. when she is like this, she is pure evil hateful spiteful.

If I write down everything she has done to hurt me then on paper it looks like I am being taken for a ******** and I should bin her.. I dont know what to do..

When she left this time she had all the money on her and left me with nothing (not the first time) not even enough to buy the baby some baby milk.. I cannot undestand it.. we have a lovely home, nice gardens nice things she has brand new laptops new plasma tv can have new clothes whenever she wants we share the finances (well she does can be a bit controlling) I do the housework with her and the cooking.. she does more with the kids but my medication I am on fecks me I could sleep through a nuclear blast and would not wake up.. I take kids park to give her a break etc
basically I do everything I can.. and still she does this..

it seems like she has a mental dependance on drugs.. even when she did subatex and was completely clean she lasted less than a week before relapse..

What should I do? I can only take so much and I am that close to cracking up.. the kids are crying for their mum.. not sleeping.. she was spotted by a neighbour walking virually past my road the evening she went missing..

I dont know if she has met someone else (nothing to say she has) or is just staying with other users (who will be using her) you know the way they prefer to take drugs with others?

Confused dot com!

(sorry for the long post I have tried posting this in other forums but not like this type they dont understand.. I asked on a staffy dog forum they seemed more interested in me looking after the dog than the kids.. I have got
rid of the dog (my dog he was me best mate gutted) couldnt walk him with the pram)
thanks

nerdygirl

jksully,
You're definitely in the right place. I personally am not in a program like Al-anon or narcanon, but they may be helpful for you.

What is your wife's drug of choice?

I think the first thing you should do is read the sticky notes at the top of the forum. They have a lot of information that will help you. Second, you have to understand this isn't about you. You didn't make her an addict. Your words or actions don't cause her to use. She lies and steals and manipulates because she's an addict. That's what addicts do. She has no control over what she does while in active addiction. It's very difficult to not take her actions personally.

As far as what you should do, well, that depends. What do YOU want? She doesn't want to be with you right now. Any amount of chasing, begging, pleading, crying etc isn't going to bring her back. My advice is to let her go. She is responsible for herself. She's an adult and has to take responsibility for her actions. I'm not sure what the laws are in your area, but you may want to consider obtaining legal advice. She has abandoned you, your home and your children.

At the very least, read and post here. We'll be here for you!

Ann

Welcome, JK, glad you joined us and I am so sorry for your problems.

Sadly, most of us here recognize and connect with all you are sharing, our addicts are not bad people, they are sick people who we cannot help no matter what we do or don't do. All the love in the world won't save them, if it would not one of us would be here. Only they can help themselves when they are ready, and for many that takes years and years if they live that long. Some, perhaps like you, can set down the drug and be done with it, but many struggle for years. My son has been missing, lost in his addiction for 7 years now, and all i can do is say a prayer each morning and give his care to God.

You have children to protect and raise, this must be harder for you. Please keep those children safe.

Stick around, take a read of the "Sticky" posts at the top of this forum and you will see that you are not alone.

Again, welcome to SR, I will keep your family in my prayers.

Hugs

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR....you have found a wonderful place where we understand the pain, confusion and anxiety involved in loving someone addicted to drugs.

Unfortortunately, just like the addict, we often become so caught up in the disease. We do things and put up with things that no one should do or put up with. Personally, without doing drugs or drinking, I became as sick as the addict in my life (perhaps sicker). I was afflicted with Stage Four Codependence (there's no such thing as Stage Four Codependence--I just made that up lol). But I use the term to express how deeply codependent I was. At my lowest point, I was terminally codependent......THAT I mean quite literally. My codependence was KILLING ME. I use the term in past tense because I consider myself to be "in recovery".

You have so much on your plate with the little ones. You have been a good loving supportive spouse. Perhaps it's time to question whether continuing to put up with your wife's behavior and addiction is good for you, her, or the children.

I hope you stick around. Post. Rant. Read. Learn. And share your journey. We all learn from each other. It is possible to find serenity and joy whether our loved one continues to use or not.

gentle hugs
ke

jksully

thankyou for the replies it is really helping me in a way..

You know I replied to nerdy girls post, it took me AGES to write! like an hour and I dont see it! am gutted lol.. I put a LOT of thought and stuff into and its gone! I dont seem to be having much luck these days!

You know its soooo good to know poeple understand! I just wanna find this post I made, it was in reference to nerdy girls "its not about you" part of her reply.. I wonder if it will be cached??

Thankyou again.

Freedom1990

I've lost posts before because I hit preview to read it over, and then forgot to hit the post button. It's maddening when you spend a lot of time typing a response!

jksully

Whoop woop I found it.. my reply did not post due to time out.. I clicked back a few pages on a different window (I am so sorry for these mega posts.. I have been through this for years without any help from anyone especially from those in similar circumstances! so here goes,

Maybe I took this the wrong way? (not in a nasty way no offences taken) I know this is not about me? Its about her and her addictions but I thought this was also about me her and kids our family..

I know I should let her go.. I have no way of contacting her at all I have not seen nor spoke to her since she left..

her drugs of choice (as I mentioned) crack cocaine and heroin.

Is this international this forum? I am in Liverpool UK although I suppose addictions are no different no matter who or where you are.

What I want I cannot have can I ? I want my wife back and the kids want their mum back..

It all seems so final I cannot comprehend what has happened I just cannot take it all in, I know she is gone I know it is unlikely she is going to knock at the door anytime soon maybe never but I cannot still believe it, its like she is dead.. I wish there was a funeral or some sort of something ? at least that would give closure this is just?

The part about "this is not about you" meaning me I have been told this by a lot of different people.. Its not fair its not right.. I am not seeking attention BUT it seems she is free and clear to not live up to her responsiblities and can run away when the going gets tough, she can act like whatever she pleases but me.. its not about me.. I just have to stay at home and look after the kids she abandand.. I have to pick up the pieces she left behind.. its me the kids look to when they wake up screaming of a night becuase they are so messed up cos thier mum is not there like she should be.. but its not about me.. (i mean all that in a nice way not being nasty towards nerdy girl I know and understand its an addiction but this seems worse than say cancer. its an illness but there is nothing u can do is there.. your damned if u do and damned if u dont. at least with cancer or something its either treatable or terminal.. either way there is a clear path that you travel down and from there you move on to the next stage.. with drugs nothing is set out nothing is certain nothing can be done its all reactive not proactive

You know I could understand if she cheated and found someone else.. she is cheating on me with drugs.. its like she is having an affair.. with drugs instead of another man. I have taken drugs indeed I have, the same as her, although not for a good long time and I feel no need to take them either. I have been there done that.. but she still does not get it..

IF she ever came back and say, she said sorry take me back.. what would you do? chances are it will happen again.. I know I should cut her off, but I want to save our family..

I will NOT let a tiny bag of powder cost me a wife and my kids a mother.. I understand all too well what drugs provide, I know the places they take you, I know what you have to do to get them, the social circles you mix in the life you lead, I know everything about an addicts life as I led that life for a while and chose not to as I wanted a chance at a normal life. Now I have that normal life, and the wife I always wanted.. that evil powder, that **** you put on the foil and smoke till your troubles go away, has taken it all away from me.. I know crack cocaine is the bestest nicest most wonderful feeling that is unlike anything else I know I took it.. but I prefer to have a normal productive life instead of stealing and deceiving and abusing myself and others, but she cannot see what see does to herself and others..

I know I take this all personnally.. its hard not to.. when the one you love makes promises.. swears on your kids lives it will never happen again, tells you over and over she loves you, yet leaves you for not another person, not becuase she does not love you no more, not through boredem all becuase of DRUGS..

I understand the effects of drugs I understand it all apart from her need for an addiction. That is THE one thing I cannot and maybe never will understand, ever.. and the stupid thing is she could of been anything she wanted, she has brains, really clever done very well at school. Such a waste of life.. And to think this situation she has placed us all in, it happens every hour of everyday to millions of other people all around the world.. Its enough to make you stop and think WHY, why are we made this way? how can we decsend from what? we came from fishies in the sea and evolved to do all this yet one tiny chemical/plant/leaf/poppy can destroy lives.. haha..

Hmm I dunno why but actualy writing this and knowing maybe someone is reading is helping me! thanks! and also its nice to speak to people who do not have pre conceived notions when drugs are mentioned!

take care all and sorry to hear about your son and his illness, he is very lucky to have a loving mother praying for him, I find the biggest obsticle is people assume your scum or not worthy of thier time. Your son is a very lucky person to have your thoughtfulness.

EDIT

soory for this extra bit but I need to understand this word "Codependence"

Codependency (or codependence, co-narcissism or inverted narcissism) is unhealthy love and a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[1] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships.[1] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and/or control patterns.[1] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.

So I realise I have ALWAYS put her needs before my own, and sometimes (its wrong I know) before the needs of the kids..

I have never let the kids go without to support her habit, indeed many a time she has begged me to buy her drugs or allow her to take them at home and I have refused knowing that she would run away and do it anyway. I have tried my best not to be an "enabler" I listen and help where I can but???

Freedom1990

No she can't. It's called denial, and as a long-term recovering addict, i can tell you that denial is absolutely essential in order to stay in active addiction.

I know that it feels that everything she does is to you and those kids, but it isn't personal. She's just doing what an active addict does-making empty promises, disappearing, disregarding anyone else's feelings.

Everything you have tried thus far has not worked as far as her staying clean long-term, so maybe it's time to start thinking and acting differently.

Find a Naranon or Alanon meeting near you and start attending for face-to-face support among those who understand.

Get the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and read it.

Keep posting here and venting whenever you need.

Start putting yourself and those kids first and foremost.

I know it's tough, but you will get through this.

Believe me when I say it will all catch up with her at some point. I just don't know when.

Sending you hugs of support!

jksully

Thanks for the support Freedom, can I ask,

All the years we were apart she still used when we got back together and got married she stopped using put this front up like she was doing ok I knew it was false to a degree, she did/does deep down want to be stable/better person, I am confused I understand all this "codependancy" stuff but have I enabled her with everything I have done to support and help her?

She was an outpatient in a treatment clinic, where she got her methadone prescription, I went with her, it was her choice I did not force her into going, she really (at the time) want to seek help, she basically said now that she had me and life looked brighter she had a reason to get better..

I dont know now haha..

I know the old saying "cruel to be kind" but she may well see this as final and think thats it I know longer want or need her??

Kindeyes

Yes. There are people from all over the world on this forum.

As Freedom suggested, the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is probably one of the most complete descriptions of the term codependence. Unfortunately, codependents also live in denial (I did) just as the addict does. The two (codependent and addict) begin a dance......the dance of addiction. And it continues until one of them decides they don't want to dance anymore. That is when healing can begin....at least for the one who quits dancing. And when one stops dancing, change will happen because the dynamic changes. I stopped dancing with my addicted son. He is still addicted, living in his car or on the streets or on the couch of other addicts. I don't know. Does it hurt? Sure it does. But with help from this forum, Alanon and Naranon meetings, and lots of reading, I am able to live my life and feel joy and serenity.

You are not alone. The world is full of people who, like you, love someone deeply who is addicted to drugs. And many of us are here on SR.....and we will walk with you.

gentle hugs
ke

jksully

I am so grateful to you all for the very kind words of support you are all giving and believe me, I have had none before now, social workers police officers friends/neighbours drug support workers etc etc none understand an addict or thier loved ones..

I cannot and will not put myself (or my kids) threw this no more, even if she came back and god himself said she will stay this time BUT drugs would still be in our lives I would hand on heart say no, no more.

But what I have quoted above, to me "the addict" and my beutiful wife Kelly, are two seperate people, one is kind loving caring understanding, a great wife and a great mother, the other is the addict, the sick and twisted person who stole all our money and left me and our kids with nothing not even enough money to buy electricity, not even enough to buy baby formula milk..

"let the addict go" period? (I am good at these American terms!) for good, enough if that meant I would never, ever see her again? is that not like say, if someone died and they wish just for one more day? Is it wrong for me to want the good times knowing I would have to take the bad?? I know I know what I have to do.. everyone I talk to and everything I read says an addiction is an illness, in my eyes (ok I am not thinking straight atm) I cant figure it.. let the sick person go?

She also hid a 10 thousand pound debt from me, not a credit card debt or something like that but a debt from when she had claimed erm social security benefits? do they have that over in the US? she claimed money from the gov when should not have.. 3 months ago she had a warrant for er bailffs to sieze stuff for unpaid court fines.. I had to pay cos they would of taken my things.. otherwise I would not of paid.. in the uk debts can be wiped like consumer/bank debts they cannot do anything but government fines they can enter your home and take anything they want.. it was 500 pound..

More and more I think the more I need her to stay out of my life and maybe she has done me a favour?? apart from the addict side of her, she suffers with mental health, she was abused as a child and had no father, he was murdered.. that is why she turned to drugs.. I know this all sounds horrible but again, when she is well and stable she is the nicest person I have ever met, not just to me but to others she has a caring nature, she even worked in a care home looking after old age people..

You know the thoughts I have had over the past 9 days range from dispair to happyness at no more trouble no more being shouted at (or the kids) to sadness to even thinking about hurting her and hurting myself... I know many here have experienced this all before, I have gone through her going away many times before but now feels like the last time somehow? inside me something is different, like this is the final time and a new chapter is beginning without my wife. strange feeling..

I knew when I got back with her that it would not be easy but I always beleived we would be together we have already been through soooooo much, hell and back 5 times over and survived... thats what hurts the most is she had money for her drugs and knew I was ok with her yet she still ran off anyway thats what has killed me inside.. she could do it at home with no judgements from me yet still did it?

Freedom1990

We know when we hit a point where we are sick and tired of being sick and tired. It sounds like perhaps you have reached that point in your life.

Those children deserve one loving stable parent, and she sure isn't it!

Her addiction will continue to progress until she either finds recovery, lands in jail, a mental institution, or dies. Those are the possible outcomes.

Kindeyes

Baby steps. No one (including the addict) can get into recovery in one big leap. It takes lots and lots of little baby steps strung together to make progress (along with a few backwards steps in my case...lol).

I muddled around in my enabling/codependent ways for many years before reaching my bottom. And when I thought I reached my bottom, I hit yet another bottom. And so I bumped along until my real bottom hit me. hard.

All of our addicts have that beautiful, vunerable, loving side to them. And that is the part of my son that I clung to. I KNEW what a wonderful person was inside of him. I KNEW that he was capable of great things. I KNEW that he was intelligent. I KNEW him better than anyone else. But quite honestly, I think he resented me for knowing all of that about him and resented me for always trying to show (and tell) him these things about himself. And I don't blame him. It is beyond annoying for someone to desperately want a person to be what they want them to be......and not accept them for who and what they are.

Be patient with yourself. Baby steps. It all comes down to baby steps.

We learn to walk accepting life on life's terms before we can run with joy.

gentle hugs
ke

steve1840

hi jksully-

wow, man, i am sorry to read what you are going through. you did however find a good place to be. the people here know their s*** and have been helping me for over a year. over a year???? dont let that dissuade you. i was not ready for the changes i had to make and was stuck longer than i had to be, but things have been changing for the better, for me.

everyone here knows my story i am sure, but i am going to give you a brief version. feel free to pm me if you want to hear it all. my girlfriend, now ex, could be the american version of yours. much of what you wrote sounds the same. she is on both the brown and white, but primarily white now. i have known her 5 years or so. she is 31 now. a little while after we met she showed signs of use, fast forward 2.5 years, and use being apart a while, she progressed to the hard stuff. forward to last year, she was living on the streets in a BAD city, and living the life of a female addict. we werent together at the time, but when i heard, i went and found her. i did EVERYTHING i could to try to help her, or to allow her to help herself. foolishly, i got involved with her romantically again and all the old plans for our future together were on the table again. she was very very pretty, was going to be a chef, and didnt look the part, most of the time. but as much as she talked about getting clean, she was getting more and more consumed. exactly one year after she went to live on the streets and i took her in, she left to get clean. that lasted about 2-3 weeks then she went right back to it. left one house to live with another user 'friend' then left that place to go with another. basically i have not heard from her since friday. for me that was the best thing that could happen.

your situation is so much harder having kids involved. i wanted to comment that on you saying this is not about you but i disagree. this is about you! i let my whole situation be about my gf and her addiction; trying to keep her safe, keeping her from having to go to the streets, giving support, always being there. she turned my house and life upside down. stole from my niece, lied, cheated, everything, still i made it about her, but at the expense of me.

but this isnt just about you, its about your kids as well. like you, i cannot comprehend leaving kids behind, but thats what drugs can do and it sucks that we cant change it.

my gf didnt need anything. she had a place to stay, and anything else. she didnt have to work, but she took off anyway. i was to hell and back with her several times too and believed that we would grow together, but hte truth is, some people talk about growing but arent able to. i cant tell you what to do or anything, but i at least wanted to let you know you are not alone and that theri are other guys out there feeling the same. i can only say through my experience (but without kids involved) the best thing has been to have no contact even if it was only becasue she left, it still got better for me and it will for you it you let it. good lick and keep posting, it helps.

my gf also has mental issues i have come to believe. she also comes from a broken home and hada basically non-existent pill addicted father "raise" her. i alsways beleived if she would jsut go to therapy and maybe get meds she would be the great person i believed she could be. but even then, what if she didnt keep up w the meds? and does that really explain the bad behavior? a girl knows she is cheating whether she is on meds or not. i feel very bad for her, your wife, and all others suffering through this stuff.

jksully

Thats all sooo true its like you read my mind, is it a part of the addictive personality to have such a good side to them due you think? She always used to say to me that I deserved better than her, I could be with someone better looking better inside she would say.. Obviously to me there is no one else nothing or no one who is better she is everything to me.. but she always had a slight doubt about my feelings towards her.. and vice versa.

Obviously?? being a female and a drug abuser, its maybe obvious how she would/does support her habbit? She has/does? work as a erm, prostitute or sex worker or whatever politically correct term they use these days..
Many a time after a relapse she has returned and told me she had been raped.. even times during being stable she would say go out shopping and tell me she had been raped.. I dont know why she would say this, she had all my attention, and they were false claims, I had a police officer confirm it 100% truth her claim was fantasy.. she made up stuff like cancer pregnancy etc.

Before we got together if ANYONE ever cheated on me no matter what they would be gone quick as you like, now she does not see her "job" as cheating (she only ever did this during relapse/running away) and I forgave her many a time.. during arguements she would always have the same old ammunition to use, lame boring old stuff, I mention things one week she would admit or other weeks she denied it.. I think she told that many lies she could not keep up with them herself.. let alone spin a yarn to me..

I cannot believe I spent 14 YEARS loving this women, during the long time we were apart I met someone else and had a child with them and I still though of her EVERY SINGLE DAY.. I dont know why? we both fell in love with each other the second we saw each other.. over a decade we spent apart and when we talked for the first time, all them feelings came back.. I wish I had never met her, I wish she had never came to my home back in 1998 I wasted soo long on her.. I know some people can live a lifetime together were partners cheat and go for months at a time not seeing each other but that aint me.. i cannot do all that drama and trouble no more..

Patience...hmm I was never one for waiting for stuff to happen.. I am like a big kid on xmas eve.. cannot wait.. ever! and my mental state aint no were near it once was! I feel like stomping my feet lol.

peace!

jksully

Oh wow.. I edited my post and it said I cannot edit after 15 mins! haha.. and lost the added text!

Steve, thanks for the reply, its a bitch aint it.. I think kindeyes's signature is very apt,

There is no useful purpose in fearing that which you cannot control.

I think that is very true! Its funny in most other aspects of my life past and present I am calm and do actually think that it is not worth stressing over stuff I cannot control or infuence..

Jesus where is my lighter! I need to cut down smoking I must be smoking like 50 a day since this latest "episode!" I started eating properly today.. my jeans were falling off me! I am 6 ft and weigh 14 stone.. more like 13 and a half now.. lets see her call me fat ass now! haha.. gotta laugh or you will cry! thats my new moto..

steve1840

just read your lasts posts and that fits my situation to a T. working was not cheating and i accepted that. in a way i understood it to be mechanical and that there were no feelings involved, but i guess that is normalizing a bad situation. my gf....egf just sent a text. i'll post it on my thread.

hang in there it'll get better

jksully

Haha yer workin aint cheating.. sound like eatin aint cheatin but not as funny.. She admitted she did it once.. but when I asked questions she just kicked off and made a big list of BS of what I had done to justify it.. never cheated on her never.. I guess that says it all.. cant be with someone like that can you?

Ill check your thread out mate.

Greets

jksully

Wooowzors Steve, mate listen..

CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER! DO IT!

**** me steve I thought my wife was bad.. your gf makes my wife look like Mary Poppins.. The longer you spend apart WITHOUT contact the quicker the hold she has over you will release! I dont have that problem my estranged trouble and strife (wife) didnt take her phone..

You know what else helps? Sell her **** or break it. burn it! She took all the money so upto now I have sold,

All her rings! her charm bracelet.. I virtually gave that away.. I sold it on purpose for a 10th of its real value.. it feels GOOD lol.. I sold a camera! (had photos of her on it.. they may or may not be of her topless! Like I give a **** lol) erm and this antique silver locket... I know its worth a few hundred pounds but am saving that either for my daughter or to smash it with a hammer or place it in the road and let a car squash it flat.. then hand it over to her..

Now I have ALL her clothes.. All the best bits are going on ebay (I paid for them anyways!) and the rest I may or may or have a bonfire.. bonfire night here in the uk is not long now.. I can imagine she is wearing the clothes while they BURN!

I have been on this dating site.. it has instant messaging chat on it.. I have already got a nice women on there chatting away to me all night long and lives only like a few miles away.. now that there is some good revenge..

I think I am liking this a bit now.. I am just not looking forward if she makes contact cos she will talk all about me me me and how she feels and what she needs and how this is all my fault and it should be me who actually needs to say sorry..

There was a time when she went missing.. turned up at a "friends" house and actually told me she would not come home till I WENT TO AA! cos I had been drinking to cope with her going! THE CHEEK! a full blown relapse and becuase I drunk a bit it was me with the problem.. and this friend agreed! this was after I handed her 50 pound to score drugs! becuase she was rattling like an old persons dentures!

I am posting that cos when I write these things it reminds me of what a complete utter evil little vile piece of using abusing scum sucking cheating bitch *****.. I will have the last laugh.. your back in that gutter I found you.. Thankyou for giving me two wonderful kids... I will make sure they are raised NEVER to be like us.. Hopefully one day they will see daddy with a new partner and learn that men and women are meant to be nice to each other not putrid sick scheming users!

Thankyou!

steve1840

ha! great work. maybe i 'll take a trip to go to the bonfire. man- i wish i could stay fired up and angry. my stupid brain is wired to feel bad for her. dig that! i feel bad for her. anyway, i get what you are saying about enjoying it because i will enjoy my time again.

your woowzers really made me laugh. damn looks like me and my ex take the prizes for being the worst in our classes. yep 4 days n/c really helped. the text today wasnt a setback as much as a transition into me getting my s*** together again.