jksully

Strange aint it Steve, I remember my wedding day, it was only in a registry office not a church or nothing special, had two witnesses and that was it, my mate and her sister.

We were both crying and everyone thought it was because one of us had changed our mind, it was becuase we were both so happy!

Did your xgf tell lies? I mean even when things were going good.. My wife said a few weeks ago about the neighbours daughter, she said she had spoken to her about the daughter not being in school and remarked it was wrong and she should attend school not skip it..

I talked with the neighbour not 30 minutes ago, first time we chatted, turns out this daughter who my wife spoke to is.... 19 yrs old and left school years ago.

Another neighbour my wife knows her nephew.. my wife Kelly said his name was ned.. his name is Peter.. I mentioned to her that Kelly knew him and I called him ned.. she looked at me strange and said his name is peter!

One time she went missing after she attended a hospital appointment to check our son while still pregnant.. fast forward 5 days and she came back told me she had lost A baby.. she said it was twins and lost one.. I rang the hospital they said all was fine...

Many many many things like this happened.. I though all was fine. Infact she told me she had cancer when she was 18 and could not have kids.. (we were together back then) fast forward to the first night we spent together 3 or 4 years ago? and again first night we spent.. said she had cancer! and could still not have kids.. dont know how she thought that as she already had a daughter to a "jon" or punter! a few years before.. and she has 2 kids with me.. must be a miricle! I wont go there with the 15 times she said she had been raped..

Oh so today I did go looking and bumped into her mate, she said she had seen her and looked rough but kelly my wife told her she had only been gone a week! its now two weeks!

Then another so called "friend" had told her kelly had turned up at his door crying.. he then rang her friend all upset wanting to talk about MY WIFE.. If I find him I am gonna give him a good kicking.. its people like him who cause trouble.. SHE IS MY WIFE.. he is just some dirty sad little person who needs to pay for sex.. what business is it of his about MY WIFE.. little ****.. always people stick thier nose in.. if they had a life of there own.. THEY ARE THE CODIES..

Anyways this friend of my wife said what I had thought.. She is punishing me cos she thinks I dont do enough with the kids.. yer right.. nowt to do with drugs is it.. the friend is an addict and a prostitute and even she said dont let her walk over you.. anyways she is gonna talk to her.. tell her how I feel. She is not seeing another man.. staying with a couple a few miles away, but I know the exact spot where she does her touting.. its only like 5 mins walk from home..

I have told kelly before "actions speak louder than words" I see words no action but she aint bothered when I say that.. she just picks on my bad things and blames me for everything.. she does not understand the stress it takes and the energy and how I tread on egg shells around her..

I am getting into the mind set of, if she comes back fine, if not her lose not mine.. I am sure I will have bad days but I can see good things without her being here.. a few nieghbours.. hmm 5 to be exact have all said if i need any support they will be here if I need them.. i didnt know how to react to that.. i am very suspicious of other people.. never had a supportive friend or partner or family..

I can see that even if she returns.. what actions does she need to perform?? I know from past times, all is well for a few weeks/months then slowly she falls back into the addict side of her.. the lies deceit etc.. I dont want that..

jksully

(sorry for this double post)

Elaine
kelly
Marie
Margi
Kelly

They are the names of all the women I have lived with and had a relationship with in order of first to last. there is a pattern here that I only just realised but its wierd..

Elaine.. crack and heroin drug user and prostitute. good looking fun to be with.. great in bed!
She lived next door but one to me when I had my first flat/apartment.. so I only met her cos she was a neighbour.. not through paying for sex.. her husband was in jail for assualting a police officer.. all was fine til her husband got out of jail! I got dropped real quick.. ok so she used me for sex! no complaints.. but I had feelings for her.. she had feelings for her addictions!

Kelly... crack user and prostitute.. I met her through another addict I was 18 she 17, never met through paying for sex yet 2nd relationship with a prostitute, both fell in love at first sight! left her afgter 4 years as she would not stop drugs.. broke my heart

Marie.. pot smoker and part time prostitute.. I met her in mental hospital.. one of the six times I have spent time in them places. She was a real fruit loop... I left her cos the pot made her have split personalies.. never really loved her just a substitute for wife kelly split after 2 years.. I could not stand the sight of her! didnt even like her.. ever!

Margi.. the safe option.. boring.. no drugs no nothing.. she was an affair, already married but was bored with her husband.. she had a miscarriage was told could not have kids due to etopic pregnancy.. gets pregnant by me! leaves husband I move in with her.. I had my own place.. but I was working 100 odd hours a week by that point to keep busy.. plus I worked to drink.. drunk on the job.. slept at work.. was a good job..

Now I never actually fancied her.. didnt really have nothing in common.. but she was safe.. never gonna leave me.. you get the idea... we grew apart.. I left before she did with the kids.. wow women scorned and all that! turned into a pysco! came to my house once.. drunk as a skunk with a big kitchen knife and tried to stab me! chased me all over my house lol..

Kelly.. back together again.. was still a prostitute and now a heroin plus crack user.. she gave up prostitution soon as we got back together and gave up drugs soon after.. was on street bought methadone.. she did a 12 week home detox a few months after being together.. not soon after she starting the running away after that.. she is still on a methadone prescription..

Oh and erm.. ya I wasnt gonna mention this.. 12 months ago.. she was thinking I looked down on her for taking her methadone.. I didnt. so I...... got hooked on methadone so we were both equal.. ya dumb right?? she used to give me half of her daily methadone.. when she went the other week.. obviously I never had any! cos I got it off her! I had to go to a drug clinic to get my own script sorted.. I had to take the kids.. nasty places.. been there many times with the wife.. but first time for myself.. now they make me go to the chemist every single morning except weekends and make me take it in front of then.. it will be a few months till I get it to take home.. when I told the drug worker and doctor why I got hooked.. they said they had never heard of that before.. I got hooked on methadone for my wife and she still left! she just uses another excuse to say I look down on her.. SUPER COOL!

And yes I know the detox of methadone is hundred times harder than heroin! I got hooked on methadone and didnt even have any addiction problems.. go figure that.. I cant..

OK so the list of women.. See how they all but one have drugs/addiction issues.. BUT I never met them through thier "work"

I dont actively seek out addicts.. they were either neighbours or friends of friends.

Why is this? am I addicted to bad relationships????.. I dont like drama in my life.. I like peace and fun not heart ache and pain..

??????

OH I GOTTA ADD, ALL THE ABOVE WOMEN ALL GREW UP WITHOUT A FATHER.. THEY EITHER LEFT THEM AS A CHILD. GREW UP IN KIDS HOMES OR THEY DIED.. ALL OF THEM.. NOT 2 OR 3 ALL! I DIDNT KNOW THAT BEFORE WE GOT TOGETHER?? IS THAT A COINCIDENCE??? STRANGE.. ALL NO FATHERS ALL BUT ONE AN ADDICT ALL BUT ONE A PROSTITUTE BUT NEVER MET THROUGH PAYING FOR SEX.. I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT..

jksully

The first in the list.. I never changed her routine... she did what she did, I never asked her to change..

second in the list, I left her cos she would not give up addictions

third.. left her cos she was thick as pig **** and boring

fourth.. left her cos I dont know why I got with her.. same as above

fifth same as the second.. I dont believe I want to change her.. just want her to stop her bad ways.. not much to ask is it?? I never want to change people like women try to change men to thier ideal man.. if they aint ideal.. dont get with them in the first place.. accept for who they are.. my wife got back with me and made the decision to change... All I said is before we get back together I cannot take you going with other men for money.. I said she could take drugs that was fine. just not sleep around for money.. IF I WANTED TO CONTROL HER SHE WOULD BE HERE WOULD SHE NOT! NO SHE ISNT SO.. is it wrong to want to save my FAMILY.. not her my family.. she is a part of that.. if this was a case of growing apart or me or her finding someone else.. then fine go and stay gone.. that is not the case.. she is gone for a reason and using drugs to block it all out.. its a coping mechinism.. ok drugs are her thing but certain things led her to that.. not justified in anyway.. Sorry but just becuase someone is with an addict does mean mean A+B=C its not a cut and dried formula for every single case.. sure they all take drugs but for all different reason.. I should know I am speaking from both sides of the coin.. as an addict and as a person married to an active addict.. I am not a biblical saviour!

If you lost your cell phone or wallet or credit cards drivers license.. would you not try to retrieve it? Its not like I went to the other side of the world to look.. although I have moved heaven and earth previously lol..

I know its reached the point I gotta see action not words.. I get it..

And I didnt ask to be born into ****** social class.. that one certainly aint my fault! Aint my fault the world is based on systems of class.. princess Kate does not and did not grow up next door to me.. I need a winning lotto ticket to do as you say.. sorry!!

dollydo

Sully,

I must admit that your choice of partners are totally out of the box for me.

Your wife has prosituted herself b/4 during your marriage, she is a known addict and you have children with her...does not compute to me. And, on top of all that, you are taking your minor children to a methadone clinic because you are hooked on methadone.

In addition to all your bad choices you are now trying to hook up with another bimbo, for sex.

Your children so much better, unfortunately, they are the victims of your and your wives insanity.

I don't know the laws where you live, however, here in the USA, someone probably would have already called child protection services to have those children removed from your home, and to me, that would be in the best interest of the children.

steve1840

james-

first off, my respects to anvilhead. she has given me great words ov er hthe past year. i spent the day reading my old thread and all her posts were right on. that is in no way to slight everyone else who was right on.

at least you are being honest here and giving a full picture.

the lies...man oh man the lies.

always. even before this all happened. when i met her, she talked about being stuck in this relationship with a crooked cop who was friends with the boyfriend she left and was violent etc etc. first red flag. 90 red flags later overthe next couple months i am still buying into everything. why is that? why 5 years later too?

it was maddening trying to keep up with the lies. the whole thing turned me into a shell of a person just trying to keep vigilant of her activities. my friend was wit ha girl who said she couldnt get pregnant due to a car accident. all her friends were prenant or had kids. wouldnt you know she was pregnant in a couple months. she's had 4 more kids by two other guys since then. she left her two youner boys with their dad to take up with some other guy about 800 miles away and has two more kids.

you know what? there are f'd up people in this world.

then there are many like us you are f'd up in our own way, but we dont want to cause harm to others. we go the opposite way and try to fix ourselves with love and caring. unfortunately the ones we hook on to dont care about us. we try and try and try. we put up with things we never thought we'd do. hell i did some stuff only becasue i was with her. stupid stuff. they will bring us down and we will feel good there being with them because at least we are together, but they leave in a flash with no regard for our feelings. it happend to me. it happened to you.

then they come back. andwe are so ready to beleive and its helter skelter . i climb to the top of the slide again.....

you see you do have a pattern and that is good. during one of the times me and the girl were apart i was in a relationship. that one was too good and boring for me, not even ona conscious level. maybe i had some turn on knowing how bad she was, which somehow made great in bed. i've now experienced enough that i do not hav eto settle for either extreme. i am not looking for the cool badass chick nor am i lookingofr the complete opposite. just someone i fit with and do not have to force fit.

i wasnt strong enough to jump off the roler coaster for good. i always got back on. so evenn though she left me for another vicitm perhaps, she did me a great favor, but i have ot protect myself against future contact.

in my opinion, your job is for your kids and from what you wrote you know that even though you may have messed up wit hthe methadone stuff. you can chalk that one up to being high on her. just likethe mistatkes i made and let my niece have to deal with, i was high on my love addiction. not happy high, just living like a zombie.
theONLY way it will get better for me is to have no contact, but it took me over a year to be ok with that. i hope it doesnt take you that long.

no i did not activly seek out the ones that were bad for me either, but something dep insiode draws us to them. there is a similarity we ssense. i havea 55 gallon fishtank with like 8 different kinds of fish. when i add put in the plastic bag with new neon tetras in it, the other neon tatra go right to the bag. the other kind barelty pay attention., is something wired in them, just like us. the difference is, we can resist our wiring andeven rewire altogether.

my last 4 gfs also either losta father or had bad childhoods. two of the girls were emotionally unavlaiable, the other two were good. its easy to get drawn to the bad ones. it may be pstchobabble or there may be something to it, but i know there is something connected between the lack of love and emotion in my house growing up, the fear, the verbal abuse, the walking on eggshells that led me to her.

i kind of knes it when we met. i sawa great sadness in her that matched my own and i thought togetherwe could have all the love we ever felt we missed our whole lives. that didnt work. due, take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids (i know you know that). dont stay down the the muck you were in with her it aint worth it one bit!

jksully

Oh so every single person with addictions should not have children?? Do you know me or seen my home have you?? No you have not. My home is the cleanest "on the block" I clean every single day.. EVERYDAY.. I am very house proud.. and MY kids are well looked after.. they are well fed clean clothes everyday bathed every other have routine eat decent food and have nice things and a father who tells them they love them ALL the time.. I do not show my bad weak emotions in front of them.. They are read to EVERYDAY.. they are good kids becuase I am a GOOD parent.. the child that is old enough to understand has good manners and respect.. he says please and thankyou.. goes to sleep when asked.. he is a happy child..

And for your information.. Childrens services are involved.. they are 100% happy for them to remain with me full time for ever and support me in my choice to be a single parent if I so wish.. so dont dare call me a bad parent I put my kids first before me.. my choices are MINE.. excuse me for loving a person who got raped and abused as a child and had no father figure.. excuse me for creating the family I wanted with the person I wanted..

Attack me for my wife and my choices.. but dont your dare talk about my kids.. you know nothing about them or me.. or my life.. what the **** are you doing on here if you are so perfect?? anyways..

My son went to sleep with a smile on his face after I told him I loved him and gave him a kiss. he went to sleep in his brand new bed with clean bedding in a room decorated better than my own full of things that make a child happy..

They only thing I want for my kids is to have a happy childhood unlike mine where I was beaten by a father who didnt want me.. and sexually abused by an older brother.. sorry I dont know your perfect vision of family life..

I will make damn sure they get a good education, good jobs, and stay the **** away from people like you.. and from addicts of all forms..

Ps this is England, United Kingdom.. NOT nazi Germany.. we dont take peoples kids away unless they are at harm.. my kids are not at risk..

dollydo

I am not going to get into a pzzzing contest with you. And, I certainly did not attack you or your children.

You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine.

Windmills

This is my first post, I'm more a lurker than a poster, so I'm not into all the psychobabble.. I noticed you're in Liverpool though, just wanted to ask if you're in touch with Addaction? What about reducing your methadone so you don't have to take the kids to the clinic? What dose are you on? My ABF has reduced from 90 to 35 and is waiting to go into the Kev White to detox. You probably know him in fact ha.
As for your wife, in my opinion your kids are better off in a stable single parent family rather than having their mum in and out of their lives. What will you teach your daughter when she's old enough to understand what mummy does for money? I don't want to offend you, just I have a daughter and I'd be gutted if her female role model was an active addict.
You say childrens services are involved, do they know about all these recent developments? They closed my case this week after 2 meetings on the grounds there was no concern for her welfare but that if my ABF started using I would move back to my mums with my daughter.

jksully

Hi windmills.. haha whats the chances of that then?? I am only on 15 mils a day. I had no other active addictive that led me to this methadone addiction..

I have heard of "addaction" I am at the DDU at 26 rodney st. ? its been called the lighthouse this and that.. Might even be be the place you talkin bout.

I have been given a "bridging" script, saw a doctor today, they have to see that I am "stable" for a few months.. I am on supervised then take home in a few weeks then straight onto subetex then its over.. worst mistake of my life to get addicted to it for no reason other than my wifes being paranoid! make no mistake I WILL come off this ****.. I have no mental attachement to it.. none at all.. some days I forgot to even take it... only when the aches and sweats happened I would remember! She would try and withhold the methadone to try and **** me off sometimes.. that didnt last as I said fine, I dont want it anyways and will do the rattle here and now.. that scared her lol..


I have to take the kids with me becuase.. I have no one else to look after them, not that I would leave them with anyone.. they are my kids, my responsiblilty.. I dont hang about turn up 2 mins before appointment they know my situation so they get me in and out soon as.. they let me wait in a private area so not all bad..

Yep stuff like when the kids are older.. thats a thought. You know the more I read here the more I realise she is no good for the kids and not good for my health one teeny tiny bit. I know I keep saying this but, even if she came back, whats gonna change?? it'll be a few weeks/months at most of things being normal, me not having to tread on eggshells then the nasty side of her will reappear and start to take all her crap out on me... I know I am not here to be her emotional punch bag..

I know me and the kids will be "better" off without her, I know things will always be calm and happy to a point.. it aint gonna be a fairytale, but at least I can raise the kids how I see fit, I can spend ALL the money on them and the house and make a nicer home without having to hand over x amount to her each payday, cos she is "stressed with the kids" funny how that only happens on pay day!

Childrens services are ONLY involved BECAUSE of recent events, and yes they are well aware of my recent addiction problems.. they still fully support me in being a single parent.. They are the ones who actually suggested and told me it is ok for me to be with the kids on my own..

They have been involved previously ONLY becuase of her past, she had a child taken away as she cannot cope on her own with kids.. they were involved only to make sure she stayed street drug clean and tested neg on her urine tests. When our daughter was born they did not even ask a question.. just kept the baby in for 3 days to make sure she was ok and not withdrawing from meth.. they were involved only when son was born they stayed in touch and had "core group meetings" till he was around erm 10 months old?? then discharged us as they have never had any concerns with neglect or abuse, just same now they have no concerns about me or kids, they have said they would be concerned if she comes back but will not take kids away as long as I am primary carer to kids..

They have already said If I do not want her back, I dont have to take her.. and the house and the kids anything else is mine.. they said if she doesnt come back and wants to see kids it will be supervised access through a contact centre.. providing I let her of course.. All them times she used them against me.. when she had her little "tropical" moments the old "get out you aint seein kids no more" trick would come out to play..

Its funny.. I wouldnt hand on heart deny her seeing her kids.. but she thought nothing about saying it to me.. and I have no doubts she would of followed it through... she would tell me to go..I would plead with her.. even say sorry sometimes even though I had done **** all wrong.. sometimes I would say fine, and pack a bag, and she would then get ready with kids to go out as "she did not want to be in a house where I used to live with her"

I could deny her and buzz off her, she would expect me to do that.. but I will not stoop to her level in the gutter.. she can sell herself all over crown st. she can do whatever she wants.. I am really starting NOT to care... Its a damn fecking shame though.. but out of my control now.. I do know that much..

You see IF she came back.. she would critisize me for anything cos she would see how well I have done keeping the house in check and the kids well cared for.. she will be expecting me to have gone nuts and not coped.. well her mate has seen me and the kids today..and seen the nice pretty dress with matching tights and matching hat the baby was wearing.. she commented on the new pram and how clean the kids looked.. infact she guessed who I was before we spoke (aint met her before) she that will get back to her.. she will learn that I can do fine without her.. maybe that will hit home I dont need her as much as I thought I did.. I thought I needed her to survive.. but I dont.. I can live and breathe without her.. all the things she did that made me happy she aint done in a long time anyways.. make me smile, make me laugh, make me feel wanted and needed and loved.. all them things.. not done in a long time..

What the **** am I doing with her?? all she does is stress me out and hurt me and the kids.. plus she is a ******* lazy cow.. its like having a third kid in the house.. she has never cleaned an oven or cleaned a fridge in her poxy life.. even when she did hoover or mop it was half arsed.. EVERYONE who visits the house ALWAYS comments on the house they all say "how do u manage to keep the house clean with 2 kids" they look at her when they say that.. til I tell em its me who does it.. I am not as bad as I used to be with OCD lol.. in my house years ago.. I had a front room that looked like a show house lol.. no one was allowed in it or to sit on the 2k couch or touch owt.. no where near that bad.. the house is a home with toys in the lving room but clean!

When she would make breakfast she would leave the kitchen like a ******* bomb site.. you'd swear we got robbed.. all she did was make a cup of tea and some toast.. and when I did the cooking she would fuss about it.. I would make stuff from scratch.. ok not curdon blurr stuff or 5 star nosh.. but was cooked and nice n tasty.. she thought the world owed her a living for getting some burgers out the freezer and shoving them in the oven for 30 minutes.. in fact I am sure she thinks I owe her a living for simply giving birth! She never got the fact that she was not the first women to give birth to kids.. kids.. she often used the "your not the dad" trick as well..

You know I know her better than she knows herself.. as does she with me.. it was funny when she would start.. I used to go.. come on page 2 now.. tell me to f off back to the ex and stay there! page 3 was get out page 4 was dont want u near me.. She broke the door in the shed by ragging the pram out of it too hard.. of course the door broke itself didnt it so she says.. yer love the metal 300 quid shed I spent two days building just fell to bits on its own.. yer right love.. no worries..

You know she wanted a house with a garden.. so we got a house.. with a garden.. except in the summer she will not sit in the sun "cos it hurts my eyes"

Phew.. this feels good! if she was in front of me at the very minute I would connect my right foot with her coin slot operated backside and boot it back to the gutter where I found her. She put herself there time and time again for no good reason other than her and her past.. for ***** sake everyone has had a **** time at some point.. we dont all use that as an excuse to go shovel **** down our lungs and suck **** to get it! GET OVER IT WOMEN..

She is like that fat numpty from tv.. that matt lucas in "I AM THE ONLY GAY IN THE VILLAGE"!

The thought of her being with and doing stuff with some dirty smelly kerb crawling scum makes me feel sick.. she makes me feel sick.. dirty little skank.. If marrying me and having two kids with me aint good enough then do one love.. wasted too long on you as it is.. and love dont pay the bills and it aint making my world go around no more..

Windmills

That's what I've had to learn too. Whatever he does is out of my control it- I didn't cause it, I can't cure it etc. I tried fixing his addiction with love, I tried ultimatums, I tried making him hit bottom, I tried breaking the silence and telling people. He's on last chance saloon with me now. He was on Subutex a few years ago, that was fab for him and I think the longest time he's ever been clean (9-10 months).
It's bizarre how close you are, I'm L15 and from what you've said I'd guess you're L8?
You sound like you're doing a fantastic job with the kids. And you're right, I can tell from how our baby is that my boyfriends behaviour affects her, when hes using and being abusive to me then it makes her behave differently. So obviously it must effect your kids too, particularly the older one.
Kelly has to want to change, you can't do it for her, although I know how heartbreaking it is when so desperately want to hold your family together. The money she's spending on that **** though- what could that buy for you or the kids? I struggle with the mentality, I'm a good girl really- a few lines when I went on nights out before I was pregnant, that's it! I know you're in a better place to understand though which probably makes it harder for you- but at the same time, if you can get clean and stay clean then why can't she? I know she blames her bad childhood, but plenty of us grew up in abusive homes- heard the saying get bitter or get better? I can see what you're trying to do for your kids, but they'll be twice as happy with just one parent to love them than two who are at each others throats. Who knows, maybe in a year or two she'll be able to come to you and say she's been clean for a year and she's going to group etc etc. The help's out there if she looks for it, she needs to want it though xx

jksully

Thanks for the reply windmills, yer we must be pretty close! I am off Princess ave. Infact I gotta go the asda on smithdown later lol.. to spend the wonderful life changing 20 pound asda vouvcher social worker gave me.. He moaned all he had done for us.. I was like "HEY KIDS the social worker has give us this voucher woop woop life is great again!"

I too have done the same, thought I could fix it with love.. BUT I never tried to change who she is/was I just wanted her to be herself.. minus the drugs etc. She quit working the streets the day we got back together.. Her choice after I said I could and would not accept it if she was with me.. She agreed.. She tore up her sim card changed her number, stopped contact with her "regulars"
and changed from heroin/crack to methadone that we bought for her to come off heroin, she stayed like that for a while then did a home detox of methadone.. She did that ALL on her own.. One day she was taking her daily amount of meth and turned around and tipped it all downt he sink and said to me "thats it no more" and went through 12 weeks of pure pain.. that was all her doing not mine I did not ask.. All I did was carry her to the toilet/bath and cook food and help her when she was so sick she could not stand up...

That was the most strongest I have ever seen anyone act, all of their own desire to be clean so we could move forward..

The one thing that is constant in our lives together is OTHER PEOPLE sticking there noses in.. my ex, her ex, her no good mother.. and in perticular her "friend" who she met on the streets as a punter.. now that was 5 years ago and only happened once.. and he resented me coming on the scene as he
had "tried to save her years" his own worlds.. she has no feelings for him, just a tool to her when in need..

He tried to tell me how much he knows her better.. Well sorry matey you dont.. he was sooooo jelious of me that she loves me and that he could never have her.. lots of times he got angry and she told him either stay away or be a friend..

When we had kids.. he tried telling us how to raise our kids! he has no wife no kids no nothing.. just a sad existance.. so he tried to transfer his emotional attachments from MY wife to my son! he would send emails saying "i miss xxx" I said he is MY son your nothing..

He is an emotional leach.. he will never see my family again.. he was always buying her stuff.. one time she went missing.. he blamed me because I did not buy her enough stuff...

I countered that by telling him I dont need to buy her material things to make her happy, it is my love, ME that makes her happy.. he could never work that out..

I asked him a favour the other day to help get my wife back, I asked if your such a good friend of my wife, then help.. he would not as he "has his own problems" he goes from one illness to the next.. he is a codie! sad little ****.

Today I woke at 8am my son was watching tv in his room.. He is a good boy.. 19 months old and sleeps in a proper bed no dummy no bottle a beaker and only gets out of bed when he is told its ok.. he gave me a big smile and a kiss and hug.. I nearly cried with joy.. He has not been that happy for a long time.. she would shout and scream of a morning.. the kids would wake a 5-6am as she would get up at that time.. she would moan that I would not get up at stupid O'clock with her.. INFACT THAT IS THE REASON SHE HAS LEFT becuase she thinks I didnt do enough with the kids! I dont drink much I do not go the pub at all unless its as a family for something to eat! I never cheat.. I dont hit her.. I told her everysingle day 5 times a day I love her.. she used to tell me the same all the time too.. I would always comment on how good she looks.. tell her she looked nice today.. her hair looked good. always nice things to her.. she would do that "your just saying that cos you have to"

She has turned from a loving happy caring wife into this nasty horrible shadow of her former self.. and I know the build up to a relapse we have talked about triggers and although I can see it a mile enough she never realises at the time.. it just builds up to a point then explodes..

I know the kids are happier without her here when she is actively using..

ALL the arguements she caueses the tantrums.. the reasons she used were all BS.. it was all her taking her frustrations out on me and would never admit till days later.. Even then no sorry.. she would say "you should of known"

She takes no responsiblity for her actions..

Ok so I have told all her family through facebook.. all her friends what she has done.. I have taken ALL the pics of me n kids off her profile sent her a message telling her to NOT get in touch unless she shows actions not words and I or the kids will not be seeing her till she changes and means it.. then I deleted her off my friends list and blocked her.. that stops me checking all the time to see if she has go in touch.. I know she wont but I still kept checking! Not no more..

She can keep all her secret hotmail accounts, her shady ***** accounts and her fake facebook profiles that she is too thick to hide from me..

I WILL NOT TAKE HER BACK AS SHE IS.. SHE NEEDS TO CHANGE OR STAY OUT OF OUR LIVES..

You are negative, counter-productive, you are not with me, you are against me, you are bad for the health of the kids and no good for me in your currunt stay.. I doubt you will change.. I have loved you for 14 years.. that is more than enough for you to change.. I have no patience to wait a year or 2 for you to take your head out your arse.. I want the Kelly I married, I want her back NOW not next year, that aint gonna happen.. so this is goodbye, no second chances this time, I told you last time that if this happened again, then there would be no going back.. its over.. I love you.. but you hurt me and its turned nasty becuase you let it happen, and I stood by you and took it.. I watched you self destruct when you had no good reason to.. no one forced you to go back to the streets.. Your choice NEVER mine although you accused me of wanting you to go back there.. I am breaking this cycle!

NO MORE.. I cannot do this.. I cant even eat.. I have lost 2 stone in 2 weeks.. I might call slimmers world.. they would pay a fortune to find out how I managed it.. I feel sick at the thought of food..

BE GONE YOU EVIL *****.. AND STAY GONE TIL YOU GIVE ME MY WIFE BACK..



( I also found out where she is staying.. its with a couple.. Its in Bootle where I grew up.. where we first lived together except she didnt like bootle so we had to move.. now she is living there.. what a **** take! opposite the train station.. but I wont be going there.. she can stay there getting tea and sympothies blaming me for all her problems)

laurie6781

It's good that you joined here. It's great that you have been venting about 'her' and the situation.

Now it's time to maybe work on you a lot.

Here is a list of the Alanon meetings in Liverpool. Check them out please for YOUR own peace and serenity:

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/meetings/search.html

See which one's allow children and see if you can find a person to help with the kids for about 2 hours so you can attend a meeting here and there (that includes 'travel' time as meetings are an hour).

This is for YOU not her. This is for YOU to help you 'figure out' YOU.

Please give Alanon a try (at least 6 different meetings) to see if they might help YOU.

Just as on this site, you will find folks who have gone through or are going through the same things as you are and will have Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) to share. And sometimes, "face to face" is the BEST.

Please give it a try.

Love and hugs,

Windmills

You sound stronger, that's good. You need to focus on your children and being the best father you can be to them, which is what you're doing, rather than be distracted and let them cone secondary to Kelly's addiction.
It'd be impossible to get the 'old her' her back immediately, it'd take work and patience and there'd be no guarantee she wouldn't relapse again. You can't change or influence her actions, all you can do is give up your front row seat to the drama.
I understand the feeling of being blamed for their actions, but it's not your fault, you can't make her take drugs the same way you cant stop her!

jksully

Thanks for the link, much appreciated.. although I dont think I am that strong yet to be talking about it all face to face, talking here seems not real? faceless? makes it seem like a story??

When the neighbours talk about her, it takes me all my strength not to break down in front of them..

I guess maybe one day things might be ok for now as people say the old kelly is gone.. may never return.. I guess I know how much I love her.. so I HAVE to be patient at the same time try and take it day by day..

I just still cannot accept it that she is gone.. a decade waiting and still all this ****.. I seem to be full of saying (and some ****!) on here..

It goes like set them free if they love you they will come back?? I didnt put it as nice as it should sound, but thats the jist of it..

I just hate the way she excluded me from it.. I mean I have taken drugs with her before so why the exclusion?? No no.. must not try to reason it.. wrong thing to do.. there is no sense just madness..

The whole part about her "hooking" again.. thats sorta nail in the coffin.. I aint cheated on her.. she sees it was work.. it aint.. another man all over my wife.. makes me feel sick.. Just that in itself is telling me to ditch the biatch..

I know for certain over time.. feelings will go away to the point I could see her in the street and just not give a damn.. That happened years ago after we split up.. she went looney tunes at me.. not seen her in months.. she blamed me for stuff I didnt even know about! I didnt even stop walking.. I will be that person again.. no choice have I.

That feeling of constant dread in the pit of my stomach.. it has all but gone. Even at night when the kids are in bed.. when I am in bed.. I dont really miss her.. I just think what I need to get done the following day..

Its wierd having talked about this so much.. never ever have I discussed all what I have before to this length, either face to face or over the internet. Its like I have took a step back and evaluated a few things.. Its like a freakin horror film.. I never realised how much this screwed me up..

Lastly.. I know poeple say, everyone has someone out there for them, soul mate if you will.. and just to even find that person is a miracle in itself.. so what are the chances of me finding her and losing her in such spectacular fashion.. Or is she not the one?? Always felt like it.. she said the same.. Everything was from both of us.. not just one sided on my part..

Sad thing she may well get better and get with someone else.. like a decade ago.. when in reality both of us wanted each other.. we were just to stupid to admit it.. but that is all if and buts and maybes, this is real life now.. I am not that stupid 18 yr old no more.. I have matured and grown up (a bit!) pity she aint but.. such is life!

take care all

James

(ps windmills I got caught in the rain on way back from asda lol.. hate that place much prefer the new tesco..)

Windmills

Ha I hate that Asda aswell, it's too full of students isn't it!
I think once you start talking, even online, it puts things in better perspective- especially when you see other people react in shock to things you grew to think of as normal.
In regard to the soul mate thing, maybe she was and maybe she wasn't. I'd go with not, I don't believe fate would leave us forever with people who will time and again put drugs first- even when they've been clean for months. I don't believe in soul mates much though, I don't know that there's 100% a great man out there for me, but I'm only 21 and I've got my daughter to concentrate on. My abf is still here, we're still trying to make it work, but something inside me is saying I'm basically done dealing with his abuse!

jksully

I guess I am too romantic then lol.. Yer that asda.. full of numpties. mainly old women with zimmers blocking the isle gassing away while I am fuming and muttering move it u old cow under my breathe.. I love having the pram.. I can barge through and am a perfect at ramming peoples ankles if they get in my way... PRAM RAGE!

God 21.. thats a lot to deal with at that age.. you sound like you got your head screwed on though.. I am only! 32 but women these days (younger) seem to be a bit erm.. self centered and a tad immature. Good on you for taking your role seriously.. these days it seems more and more normal for women to put themselves first instead of thier kids..

I know at 21 all I could take care of is myself! and I didnt do a sterling job of that most of the time! I hope your fella appreciates what he has got! not many people stick with it..

I used to live off smithdown years ago.. opposite the dead people ( the cem) erm richardson street I think it was.. by the erm... mulliner pub? looks like its all gettin knocked down now.. I hated them old drafty 2 up 2 down houses.. and the tiny back yards.. did you grow up round there then?? I shared a house with a mate from work.. until I found out he fancied me! "wanted" me in cough that way haha.. maybe I should go that way.. not worked out with women so far!! (just kidding!)

Windmills

I doubt he does ha, he's normally telling me what a bitch etc I am. I'm pretty near the end of the line I think, I don't need him refusing to look after the baby and telling me I'm lazy when I've been running round after him all day. I get bad pram rage, my sisters well worse though and hers is like a massive white tank.
Yeah I'm from by picton road, don't know many people round here though as I've never really drank round here, they're all bad coke heads around the high street. Small world ey!
You sound a bit less lost tonight!

jksully

Think drugs are everywhere aint they.. no matter who or where you are.. I read that as "you seem a bit lost" had to check it lol..

Same here I dont know too many people.. well erm.. none at all really! well 1 if you include the girl next doors mother.. I can tell her anything! she forgets it 10 mins later!

Your partner does not seem to appreciate you too much from the sounds of it tbh.. I take it you have been through pretty much the same stuff then? Its good you are focused on your daughter, she is lucky to have a good mother.

Does she sleep ok for you?? How old is she?? my daughter is nearly ready to crawl.. she can turn over from front to back and over again.. she can roll around the room and can support her head.. should not be long before I have 2 to chase around! she is a good girl though.. always gives me big cheesey smiles!

Yip come to the conclusion now that her loss is my gain.. I 100000% over feeling sorry for her and 99.99999999% done with wanting to help.. things have settled down over the previous week.. had to get rid of my staffy and a few other things, buy a new (to me) pram and stuff. got money sorted.. I hope! wont know til monday.. Soon as tax credits go in bank in 2 weeks.. ordering new couches.. only been waiting 5 months for them.. but she had her "stress" on paydays.. so now I aint got her moaning or spitting her dummy out I can go out and buy wtf I want!

I am also gonna redecorate the living room.. she picked this fecking horrible black sparkly wall paper.. I hate it.. I was looking at it last night and thought.. that look cack.. then reaslised she aint her to moan or control.. so thats gettin done b4 xmas.. there is a shop opposite the new tesco.. park road discount or summit.. they do all the toys same as argos or wherever but u can pay off there and dont charge any more than other places do.. and I can finally get me lad the new liverpool kit, the 3rd strip.. she only been sayin to get it for 3 months.. he gets every kit soon as they come out usually..

Do you have a decent family?? someone to give u a break??

Windmills

Yeah, well we've only been together 3 years. He was taking heroin and coke when I met him, although I didn't know about the gear until 9 months down the line. He's been taking heroin and crack since he was 15.. He's 40 now. He's got clean and relapsed approx every 6 months since we met. Most recently he started taking coke at work which got way out of hand over about 5 or 6 months, so he was rarely coming home, when he did he was terrifying, it all came to a head last weekend when he came home off his cake, I asked him to leave as he was being threatening and running round with a knife saying he was going to go and find someone, he took 600ml of methadone in my living room and ran away when I phoned an ambulance. Phoned me 2 days later from Southport (where his heroin addict friends are) and said he was staying there to get clean, talked him into coming home and it turned out he'd been smoking that ****.. He's getting clean now, trying to get him into the Kev White. He's been a useless selfish nasty ***** still though. But he's sat next to me and I could swear he's nodding out. Aw I've just given you my life story in your thread!
My daughter is 15 months, she's fab, so funny. I refer to her as a baby still but I suppose she's not really any more!

jksully

Haha this place is like a tube of pringles.. once u post u cant stop..

Well at least he is actually there! thats something I suppose.. 40 is old to still be doing gear though.. or coke.. drugs are kids games.. thats why I got off them (apart from my little methadone tumble buts thats sorted)

I can relate to the knife part, the mania the running around out of control.. done it mysef (not with a knife though!) and had it done to me..

Southport.. full of bag heads that place.. last time we.. I gotta stop saying we.. its me now lol.. it was worse than town for them.. like rats.. fecking hate them.. always begging for stuff.. I always tell them to feck off and get a life.. I tell em I got 2 kids to look after a house and bills to pay... they shut up pretty quick..

I hope your fella gets his **** together.. you sound a good person.. another saying!

You dont miss what you got til its gone..

take care