The damage. My old friend.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 178
The damage. My old friend.
I struggled over whether to post this as I probably know there is not much I can do, but I am so troubled over my old friend. She was really more like a sister. We grew up together, shared everything together. She got into drugs in our early 20s, and I met my ex through her. He is now dead because he also had addiction probems.
We were all so close. I never liked drugs though, they were only ever a casual party thing for me when I was young. They took over my friend's life, and my ex's also.
She became very abusive to me when he was really sick. I still don't totally understand except that I think she felt rejected by me because I did not have the energy to try to help her as well as him. Anyway it all escalated to the point where I cut her off - after she told me she didn't think she had long to go and I wasn't welcome at her funeral )-: (that was after the funeral of my ex)
I ran into someone who had recently seen her and told me that she is enormous, and that her arms were covered in needle marks.
I am in so much grief! I don't think I'll ever get over what happened to my ex, and now her too. I know I can't change it, but I feel like this dagger is hanging over my head waiting to drop, waiting for the phone call that I dread, and she is alive now and in trouble and I'm doing nothing. )-:
And I know too that there probably isn't anything I can do. I can't handle drugs, I can't handle her abuse. I've tried to explain my feelings to her so many times. She calls me hard and cold, she says I've got a mental problem. She hurts me in the way that only someone who's been that close to you can hurt you.
But still... it seems unreal to me that someone so close to me is so very sick and I am doing.....nothing.
I am just needing to say it. I know nobody has the answer. I just feel so sad. I'll never be able to not love her. It's always going to hurt. It's unbearable.
I hate drugs, I really do. They've taken so much from me )-:
We were all so close. I never liked drugs though, they were only ever a casual party thing for me when I was young. They took over my friend's life, and my ex's also.
She became very abusive to me when he was really sick. I still don't totally understand except that I think she felt rejected by me because I did not have the energy to try to help her as well as him. Anyway it all escalated to the point where I cut her off - after she told me she didn't think she had long to go and I wasn't welcome at her funeral )-: (that was after the funeral of my ex)
I ran into someone who had recently seen her and told me that she is enormous, and that her arms were covered in needle marks.
I am in so much grief! I don't think I'll ever get over what happened to my ex, and now her too. I know I can't change it, but I feel like this dagger is hanging over my head waiting to drop, waiting for the phone call that I dread, and she is alive now and in trouble and I'm doing nothing. )-:
And I know too that there probably isn't anything I can do. I can't handle drugs, I can't handle her abuse. I've tried to explain my feelings to her so many times. She calls me hard and cold, she says I've got a mental problem. She hurts me in the way that only someone who's been that close to you can hurt you.
But still... it seems unreal to me that someone so close to me is so very sick and I am doing.....nothing.
I am just needing to say it. I know nobody has the answer. I just feel so sad. I'll never be able to not love her. It's always going to hurt. It's unbearable.
I hate drugs, I really do. They've taken so much from me )-:
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((milo88)))
Addiction stinks. It takes away our loved ones, and leaves scars in our hearts..
Remember when she is being cold and heartless, it's the disease speaking, not the friend you use to love and care for. But it still hurts.
Hugs.......
Addiction stinks. It takes away our loved ones, and leaves scars in our hearts..
Remember when she is being cold and heartless, it's the disease speaking, not the friend you use to love and care for. But it still hurts.
Hugs.......
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