lostx

I don't know if I belong here. My husband has been using Marijuana for about 15 years. I was ok with it because I am the one who actually started him using. I did it for fun and could always stop. He continued. About 6 months ago he got his Medical Marijuana card and now feels like he is not doing anything wrong. I talk to some of my friends and they all shrug it off and say its just weed. Unfortunately Marijuana is widely accepted in California.

He said that he will not stop, is legal and I can accept it or leave. We have a 3 year daughter and do not want to take her daddy away. Is this really an addiction issue or just my issue? Am I just making this a bigger deal than it really is?

Chino

What bothers you about him using pot? Are their negative behaviors, financial consequences, etc?

lostx

He is continuously using. He smokes before work, at lunch, on the way home and when my 17 year old son is not home, in the evening too. Money has become an issue too. We are going through some financial issues and need to do less spending but his using is not helping. Last night I brought it up to him and after some time he finally admitted that he spends about $300 a month. I am estimating more like $400 minimum that I can track. He says he works hard and will spend the money the way he wants.

The part I am confused about is since he has a medical card and feels that it is ok. (he is diabetic). He said it just like someone who has a bad habit of smoking cigarettes or someone who drinks alcohol. Its a way to relax. Are we just on different paths in life now and it's just what I don't want in my life? Am I being selfish?

My 17 yr son does not know about his habit. I have become a pro at hiding and covering things up. I don't want him to ever find out.

keepinon

Would you be ok with your husband drinking in the morning, on his lunch break and in the car on the way home? That's alot of pot smoking. My son got his marajuana card..you can get it for ANYTHING in Ca.Alcohol is legal..does that make it ok to drink from morning till night?

lostx

I do see that point and sometimes I use that when I try to explain it to my husband but then he counters the response. I think I know the answers to my own questions but just feel so bad in wanting to break up the family over this. I keep thinking it would be ok if I can just accept it.

Chino

How can you have an intimate relationship with someone who is not there? When he's stoned he's checked out and it sounds like that is all the time. Nothing is real

kiki5711

how does he function all day high on pot? I mean, between being spaced out and constantly hungry how does he do it?

steve1840

i used to smoke pot. never all day, but usually ever night for extended periods of time. i never thought much of it for years, then it started to dawn on me that it is an addiction, albeit a subtle one perhaps. then i started dating a girl who did smoke throughout the day everyday and i could see it as an addiction with her. that made me see it all differently. i have friends in cali with cards and i really think for them it is an excuse to use wherever and whenever. i beleive some people can smoke recreationally like how some can drink a beer or two now and then, but i do beleive that anything that is used everyday is an addiction. i'm not judgemental, and have been around pot all my life, but i never accepted it when parents of young children smoked. to me there is something not right about daily use when raising kids.

lostx

At this point he needs it to function or to be happy. When he is not able to smoke as much he is very irritated, some times mean with is words, and tired. In the evenings when he is able to smoke he is always eating! It disgusts me. His sugar levels are all over the place. I know he does retain information or conversations that we have because he is always asking the same questions over and over. He does not cook or clean. Just sits there.

lostx

Thats how I looked at it too. I am totally not against smoking, but how it is abused. Living in SD, almost all of my friends smoke so its really hard for them to see my side.

lostx

Thanks for all your posts! I guess it comes down to that I am not 100% ready to blow his cover and leave him. I was considering getting some help for me to become a stronger person that way I can feel confident in my choices. Right now I feel that I can't do this on my own. Thanks!

keepinon

Go to an al or naranon meeting..you will learn about addiction and how to make boundaries for YOU. My daughter was actually dianosed with marajuana dependence..experts in the field DO think you can be addicted(she was an every day smoker from 14 on).I know it can keep you real immature and from being a full participant in life. You do not have to rush into anything,,alanon/naranon will not tell you to leave or stay..it's about how YOU want to live.

steve1840

not to tell anyone what to do, because i certainly don't listen well, but since he 'needs' it to be 'happy', maybe you could present to him that he shouldn't need anything to be happy. that it is possible to be happy without it and that his need for it is a bandaid for somethnig else. the gf i spoke of earlier is the one i mention here on the board. she had bee nsmoking for close to ten years when we met. like i said i did for even longer, but there was something different about her use. i didn't even smoke while we were together. i used to bring it up to her at times, but she just couldn't see it. we parted ways for a while (not over that) and during that time, she somehow recognized that she was addicted to pot and had basically been high for ten years and stopped smoking. undfortunately she graduated to much harder stuff and is still lost in addiction.

Kindeyes

This is a really important statement. Unfortunately, we have absolutely no control over the addicts in our lives (or anyone else for that matter). So the best thing we can do is help ourselves. That help can be found here on SR, through reading, and Alanon or Naranon meetings.

The most important thing you can do is take care of you first.

gentle hugs

outtolunch

If I were a betting person, I would wager a bet that your 17 year old knows.

Classic codependency is covering up for someone else.

lostx

I was considering going to a Alanon or Naranon meeting but I feel silly that my issue is just about marajuana when people are dealing with some serious drugs or drinking. Will people think that I am minimizing their "real" issues. Will I be accepted?

sailorjohn

I think so. While mj might not be as psychically addictive-if at all-as other drugs, the fact that he's stoned basically 24/7 is indicative of someone with a serious problem.

Alanon won't toss you out the door if it isn't an alcohol problem, btw.

endlesspatience

Sorry to be blunt here but bear in mind that smoking marijuana is a serious crime in most parts of the world, including large parts of the United States. Marijuana possession can lead to lengthy imprisonment in Europe. And there's a good reason it's treated seriously - because it's a serious, mind-altering drug, especially in its recently modified forms.

Is it a treatment for diabetes? No!!!! In fact, because it interferes with the appetite and digestive system, it is likely to make that problem worse. You say that your husband's blood sugar levels are being affected by his eating habits while under the influence of the drug. I am not surprised.

Marijuana may be techincally legal where you are. But as you've highlighted in your post, it's both addictive and dangerous.

Live

My daughter left her guy, the father of my grandson, because he would rather smoke than be a responsible, contributing partner and parent. It was one of the most difficult and wisest decisions she has had to make.

ZombieWife

This hit the nail on the head for me. It doesn't matter what the substance is. Is he using in moderation? or does he have to be high 24/7?