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Old 11-22-2010, 03:19 AM
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Unhappy Opinions Please

When I first joined SR it was because of the drug use of my oldest son. He is dual diagnosis he abuses drugs and is schizoaffective. I received word yesterday that he has been transferred to the jail that had a hold on him. Meaning he will, likely be out soon.

I know we should take things one day at a time with that said in his case I am payee over his disability check I have had Social Security remove me several times and when he can not get an organization they start mailing them to me again.

He has so many felonies that I can only put him in motel rooms (the ones he has not been kicked out of yet)
I am trying to make some kind of plan in my head as what to do when he gets out. The doctors have told us for years he needs group home living. Yet, I can not force him.

I am in all honesty scared of him. He has never hit me but is verbally abusive when using.
I though of suggesting to him that he go to the local rescue mission the have a program there he could be in and have some where to stay as well. (He has been kicked out of there before)

I also thought of asking my doctor to write SS a letter stating I am not capable of handling his finances due to my own diagnosis. (We have same doctor and that is true)

He called me from the jail using someone’s phone card and pretty much tried to tell me what I am going to do. I have to set some boundaries with him like I have with my other two kids and my AH.

Just not sure to what extent I can do that under these circumstances. Would doubling up on meetings possibly be helpful?

Sorry so long I just am lost on this one. He always finds a way to get his drug so seems to me he should be ok without me having to handle his stuff.

Thanks for listening and any opinions would be truly appreciated

I wanted to add I have had five different officers ask me if I have life insurance on him because of their experiences with him, one time a man ran his truck through my sons motel room because he sold the man chopped up candle and passed it off as crack.
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Old 11-22-2010, 07:19 AM
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Hey Angie
I can certainly understand why you would have some anxiety in dealing with him. I can't remember how old you said he is or why you are payee for his disability checks. But it may be best for you to be permanently removed from the situation if you are afraid of him. No one should be forced to do something that they aren't comfortable doing. I suspect that anything I could think of, you've probably already tried but somehow, for your safety and security, it sounds like you need to do whatever you need to do to take care of you!

gentle hugs
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Old 11-22-2010, 08:37 AM
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I am so sorry about this situation Angie, and I can understand being afraid of your son.

My AD can be a rage-aholic, and it's frightening.

I have had to detach from her in every sense of the word.

Since SS mails you his checks despite you asking to be taken off as payee, I don't think it would hurt to have your doctor write a letter to SS.

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate right now.

Doubling up on Alanon meetings will certainly give you the added emotional support you need.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 11-22-2010, 08:44 AM
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Double meetings good.Is he trying to stay with you when he gets out?You didn't say that exactly, but I was getting a feeling....now that would be a not so hot idea.
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Old 11-22-2010, 10:30 AM
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KE, He is 25 he started hearing voices and seeing deamon type heads when he was six,
he also tested borderline MR, thus can not handle his own finances.

Thanks, Freedom

keepinon, No he isan't planning on staying here he has a trespassing here and is not allowed on this property if he shows up he goes to jail.

I just got a call from a friend of his that his court date is Dec.9th,
talk about "triggers" now I remember some
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Old 11-22-2010, 12:25 PM
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crazybabie, you dont necessarily need to be his guardian with SS, I believe
SS can appoint someone else or even their own people do it or some agency or even maybe the state mental illness agency can help. you should call SS and discuss other options.
do what you think is good for YOU.
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Old 11-22-2010, 08:38 PM
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Tam, I went to SS many times asking to be removed and they wouldn't saying I had to wait untill they found a payee. I later learned that was not true that if I didn't want to be payee I didn't have too. (so I thought)

The last time I went there I told them about me renting him a place and having the lights turned on etc... he stayed 2 days got 1/2 of the deposit and 1/2 of the rent back from the man.

At, that point SS said we should have removed you a long time ago this, is a drug case DUH what do they think I had ben saying.

They took me off as payee and stated he must have an organization. We have three here and all three have refused after, none took his check over they started mailing them to me again without my signing a paper saying I agree to be payee.
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Old 11-22-2010, 09:41 PM
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How frustrating and diffiult and heartbreaking..I am really sorry.
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