Heightened anxiety

Old 11-19-2010, 06:52 AM
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Heightened anxiety

My son gets out of rehab tomorrow. I haven't talked with him since last week. I don't call him and he hasn't called me. I've enjoyed the serenity that I have experienced knowing that he's clean and sober while he's in treatment. But now that he's getting out tomorrow, I'm having a bit of a battle trying to keep that serene feeling.......anxiety keeps hitting me with these icky blows. I'll be feeling ok one minute and the next.......it feels like WHAM a wave of anxiety hits me and I have to struggle with it to get it back under control.

I'm trying very hard to live in today and not worry about tomorrow but I'm having a bit of a rough time doing that today. So......as I write this I'm asking myself....."Self, so what are you going to do about this anxiety? It belongs to you.....not to anybody else."

So I'm going to stop here......and go out on my eliptical and have a good cry and see if I can get rid of it.....just for today.

Thanks for "listening". It helps to admit it.

gentle hugs
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Old 11-19-2010, 07:10 AM
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(((Kindeyes)))

a good cry works wonders sometimes

I can relate to you, on a somewhat smaller scale, tho.

my son has been working, going in, on time, riding few miles on bicycle, etc.
doing the things he needs to do, in order to be here.
that includes no drinking.

but, he will get his first pay check soon. I get anxiety thinking of it.
i have been hands off of him- not doing anything for him that he can do for self.
I am kind of proud of it, and like the resulting improved relationship with son.


i am trying to find out what tools i have in my new little toolbox that i found here.
which one will help me not to try to control what he does?

i figure it is gonna be the "Let go, and let God" tool.

and maybe my new "boundary detector"?

i am looking in there for a big sock- to put in my mouth, instead of foot.

I wish i could find the "serenity pill", but i guess that
comes from doing all the above....

in the bottom of my tool box is a note, reminding me of all my new friends here,
who have said they are keeping us in prayer.

that reminds me to "Let go, and let God".
keeping you and your son in my prayers daily,
hugs,
chicory
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Old 11-19-2010, 07:28 AM
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good luck kindeyes, i am hoping for the best for you and your son.
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Old 11-19-2010, 07:41 AM
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Well Kindeyes..It IS scary when they get out..and I think it remains scary..I too struggle with not projecting into the future. I try to tell myself "Right now you are ok" and stay in the present but that my dear, is easier said then done!Do you know what his plans are?
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Old 11-19-2010, 07:55 AM
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Originally Posted by keepinon View Post
Do you know what his plans are?
That is probably a source of my anxiety. I taking a very different tact than I've ever taken before. Hands off. No planning. Letting his HP guide him.....and letting my HP guide me. But I'm a planner. I can have things scheduled and planned down to the inth degree so just not knowing is very uncomfortable for me.

I am leaving that decision to my adult son and his counselors (and of course his HP).
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Old 11-19-2010, 07:57 AM
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GOOD FOR YOU!! That is HUGE! Stressful,but so indicative of how well your recovery is going!
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Old 11-19-2010, 08:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
That is probably a source of my anxiety. I taking a very different tact than I've ever taken before. Hands off. No planning. Letting his HP guide him.....and letting my HP guide me. But I'm a planner. I can have things scheduled and planned down to the inth degree so just not knowing is very uncomfortable for me.

I am leaving that decision to my adult son and his counselors (and of course his HP).
Thats me too KE. I have to admit I'm a veteran in experiencing the anxiety of my AS coming home from rehab, since he's done it on so many occassions.

I now assume that there's a good chance he will not do things as I think they need done. I've accepted this, which provides comfort in a way ( I know thats distorted, but what about this isn't?)

I've also accepted that his life is his life. No matter how much I love him, I have no more business telling him how to live it than he has business telliong me how to live mine.

We are now both adults, and it was well past time I started treating him as one, because if nothing else he deserves that, even if it means that our relationship isn't as comfy for him as it used to be.

As I often say, "Welcome to adulthood, it can really stink sometimes"
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Old 11-19-2010, 08:12 AM
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Another source of anxiety......hold on to your hats.

My ex-husband (the biological father of my son) called me yesterday at work. I haven't spoken to him in years.......many many years. We talked about our son and he wanted to thank me for helping get our son into rehab. I stayed very calm and serene through the conversation. So that was good. But he began to describe some of the situations he had been in WITH MY SON over the last few years when my son was drugged out of his gourd. Including one incident that he described my son falling and getting knocked out because his head hit the alsphalt, coming to, and then being so beligerent that some guy threatened to bash his head in with a baseball bat. The mental images that these situations created in my head were really bad......and all I could think was.......and you were there with your son......getting high......getting drunk......REALLY?

I'm not sure how I stayed calm through that conversation.....I did it for me. But that's when my anxiety really kicked in......after that call. But I have other stresses.....running a business through a crappy economy (that just doesn't seem to be getting any better), dealing with employees who don't seem to appreciate the hoops (and $$$) I'm going through to keep them employed, yellowbook reps (who have always stressed me out because they can often be so unscrupulous) and customers (dealing with the general public can be a challenge.....perhaps because there are a bunch of them with problems of their own;-).

Well.......now.......don't I feel better now that I've thrown up all over everyone.
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Old 11-19-2010, 08:19 AM
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Originally Posted by keepinon View Post
GOOD FOR YOU!! That is HUGE! Stressful,but so indicative of how well your recovery is going!
It's certainly VERY different for me. And since the stuff I've done in the past hasn't worked so well.........lol I'm not sure if it's indicative of my recovery or just........letting go.......oh yeah.....that IS part of my recovery. lol

Thanks for your support keepinon.....I know you've been through this fairly recently with your dear daughter so I truly appreciate your response.

gentle hugs
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Old 11-19-2010, 08:27 AM
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Originally Posted by cece1960 View Post
Thats me too KE. I have to admit I'm a veteran in experiencing the anxiety of my AS coming home from rehab, since he's done it on so many occassions.

I now assume that there's a good chance he will not do things as I think they need done. I've accepted this, which provides comfort in a way ( I know thats distorted, but what about this isn't?)

I've also accepted that his life is his life. No matter how much I love him, I have no more business telling him how to live it than he has business telliong me how to live mine.

We are now both adults, and it was well past time I started treating him as one, because if nothing else he deserves that, even if it means that our relationship isn't as comfy for him as it used to be.

As I often say, "Welcome to adulthood, it can really stink sometimes"
Cece
Thank you.....I look to all of the veterans here on SR for their support and the sharing of their experiences. It means a lot to me and I often find the words of the good people here on SR running through my head in tough times.

I understand EXACTLY what you mean by assuming that there's a good chance my son is not going to do it the way "I would". But I'm leaving his choices to him and his HP. I am trusting my HP for once......He will help me with my words, help me with my actions, help me express and hold my boundaries and guide me through this process.

Is it normal to feel anxiety when giving it up to your HP? I need to trust him and feel serene in the knowledge that my life (and my son's life) is in his hands, right?

Picture me standing here....looking all around me like I've lost a contact lense......but I'm looking for my serenity......I know it's here somewhere.

gentle hugs
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Old 11-19-2010, 09:48 AM
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When I saw my daughter the other day she started telling me some of the things she did to get drugs..the house mother saw the look on my face and said"I don't think your mom is ready to hear all that.She may never be."I'm sure that's how you felt hearing all that stuff from your ex..compounded by the fact it's his FATHER (dear Lord!) Next time she starts in I'm going to tell her I don't need her taking a dump in my brain like that, thank you very much.Takes too long to get the stank out.
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Old 11-19-2010, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
Is it normal to feel anxiety when giving it up to your HP?
It is for me because I know it means I'm about to admit I'm powerless again. Maybe for the 100th time about the same thing. I know it's going to hurt really bad but experience tells me only for a moment, then I'm going to feel relief and serenity again
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Old 11-19-2010, 11:54 AM
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anxiety - distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.

How's your conscious contact with God today?
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Old 11-19-2010, 12:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990 View Post
anxiety - distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.

How's your conscious contact with God today?
Working on it!
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Old 11-19-2010, 12:17 PM
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Kindeyes, living in today helps me get through those anxious times. Worry won't change tomorrow, but it sure may suck the joy out of today.

Embrace the day and let tomorrow unfold as it may.

Big hugs 'cause I've walked in your shoes.
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Old 11-19-2010, 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
Working on it!
I had a feeling you would say that!

Sometimes I have to repeat the serenity prayer over and over.

Other times I have to do that visual with my eyes closed and the loving hands of God just waiting for me to drop my fears and worries in them.
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Old 11-19-2010, 12:42 PM
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[QUOTE=Freedom1990;2772830
Sometimes I have to repeat the serenity prayer over and over.

Other times I have to do that visual with my eyes closed and the loving hands of God just waiting for me to drop my fears and worries in them. QUOTE]

Agreed!!! "Fear & Faith don't mix" A reminder to myself.
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Old 11-19-2010, 02:19 PM
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Kindeyes, I can not relate to your exact situation seeing none of the addicts i my life have ever even tried recovery of any kind. However, as a mother I can imagine how I would be feeling.

Sorta, like each time my oldest son gets out of jail I know he is clean yet, he goes right back to the drugs( he has no tools)

Thankfully, your son will have some tools I pray he chooses to use them.

As, for you I think you have handled this entire process very well since he went into rehab. I was touched by your courage and strength when this new journey beagn.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.
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Old 11-19-2010, 02:51 PM
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" My ex-husband called to thank me for getting our son into rehab. "

This is a very positive action and a step towards family healing.
Accept the gesture for what it is.

Remember fear, doubt + worry are not necessary today.
Your son okay today.

Breathe deeply.
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Old 11-19-2010, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Spiritual Seeker View Post
" My ex-husband called to thank me for getting our son into rehab. "

This is a very positive action and a step towards family healing.
Accept the gesture for what it is.

Remember fear, doubt + worry are not necessary today.
Your son okay today.

Breathe deeply.
You're right.....it isn't necessary!! I actually felt much better after spending a half hour on the eliptical this morning......I sweated out all of the anxious feelings. I put on my MP3 player LOUD and then I cried, yelled, sobbed, sang, laughed..... while elipitcaling my little heart out......all of those things feel very theraputic to me when I get those anxious feelings. I guess the exercise releases those endorphines that we hear so much about and it helped pull me out of it.

That and of course my dear friends here on SR.....

gentle hugs
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