outtolunch

Like you, I don't drink or do drugs. Like you, I acquired an almost overwhelming urge for something, anything that would numb me to having to cope with the knowledge that my daughter was a heroin addict and the chaos that ensues.

It was one of those a-ha moments for me. It was in that instant that I appreciated the that the things that made me different than my daughter were my own choices.

Kindeyes

dollydo - That takes great courage to realize that someone else's "normal" doesn't have to be yours. Today belongs to you.

nightandday - It's funny. I re-read my post and I don't see the "inspiring" that you do. I see someone who is desparately trying to recover from her own "addiction". Thank you for your kind words.

Hunny - I am printing out that prayer so that I can take it with me as well. It is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

outtolunch - Interesting that that line stuck out for you. When I re-read it, it gives me some insight into the mind of the addict. Perhaps they have a lower threshold of pain tolerance than most of us do and, therefore, turn to substances....and it masks that already low tolerance and lowers it yet more. That aha thought gives me compassion for the addict. They choose life over death (in their minds) and their alternative to death (suicide) is to choose to dull the pain of life in order to live. That thought is very sad. I wonder how close it is to the truth. Or are they just in it for the "fun time" initially and it eventually reels out of control into the realm of addiction. I don't know. And I'll probably never know.....

gentle hugs to everyone today as you struggle with your own recovery

CatsPajamas

Mom hugs, Kindeyes

I had to learn that detachment doesn't mean I don't love him with every fibre of my being. Instead, it means that I love him AND myself enough to get out of the way and let his HP and mine do what I cannot.

Vent away here, Kindeyes, and know that we are lifting you and your son up in our prayers and wrapping you in a blanket of love.

meditation

For me being a recovering addict, I can say that physical pain tolerance is not the reason I became addicted. I always was able to endure extreme pain with little to nothing. Natural childbirth for a starter. For me it was just I believe an age I hit with a combination of things. I was in that murky early forties, married for years person that had a mid life crisis and had no clue I was having one. I got very ill and it was one surgery after another with pain control. I was a nurse, I knew all about addiction. I never imagined I would be an addict. But add a surgery a month with legal pain pills, a mid life crisis..... and you got a recipe for disaster. I was addicted physically before I even knew it. But the mental part was well these things are legally prescribed..... I was still having to face multiple surgeries and it just imploded on me. I don't see myself as the kind of person addicted to drugs. The stereotype of the addict does not fit me but I am not immune. I am an addict and I had to fall far to realize I was no different than any stereotype. It sneaks up on a person, this addiction and that's why they say in NA that it is a cunning baffling disease or problem, you don't know you are as bad as you are till you are as bad as you are. So I don't feel it was a moral failure it just happened and I have learned from this that I have to be on guard the rest of my life and I've learned and delved deep into all the why's this happened.

I can't say what drives others to become addicts but it's not got a thing to do with how we were raised or our religious values or education, it's more a severe chemical imbalance but when we as addicts have this and get ourselves into recovery it is OUR responsibility to stay well and stay clean and clean up our life.

I appreciate so much that my family was there for me but this scenario may not play out well in all situations. I know that an addict has to experience some consequences to wake up. Maybe some have to have their safety net yanked, maybe some need family support. I don't know, but my heart goes out to all the families that are worried about their loved ones that are addicted and still in active addiction. I pray the addict wakes up. You all have my prayers.

Kindeyes

Meditation.....I was thinking more of emotional pain than physical. Although my AS when he was a little boy had a very low tolerance for physical pain, I think his tolerance for emotional pain is almost non-existent.

More than anything.....I think he was just the proverbial party animal.....life of the party kind of guy who didn't know when to call it quits. People loved having him at the party because he is (was) so animated and fun.....he got a lot of positive reinforcement for the behavior and it progressed from alcohol, to pot, to a myriad of other substances until he found his favorite.....meth.

Trying to stop the problem at it's beginnings......high school partying....is difficult at best. This is where it ends up 13 years later.

Kindeyes

Oh guys.......need some help here......my AS called me today. I was not available to take the call.....didn't even hear my phone ring. I was busy doing something else. It wasn't because I didn't want to answer it or anything.....just didn't hear it.

When I checked my missed calls, I saw that he called around 12:30ish (it is now almost 5:00). I'm debating whether to call him back or not. After the phone call on my birthday, I am dreading talking to him. What if he's ready for detox and rehab? What if he just wants to put me through mental and emotional hell again? Should I call him or should I not.

Before going into the automatic response of calling him, I spoke with my DH. He said "Sweetheart, if he really wants to get into detox or rehab, he needs make another call. Making the effort to call you again is NOTHING compared to what he's going to have to do to begin recovery. Let it be......and let's see what happens. If he really wants to get into detox/rehab, he'll call back. If he doesn't call back, it's because he either wanted to put you through hell again or his desire for rehab was fleeting. And that won't be enough."

So.....I'm listening to my DH and letting it be. AS knows my home phone number (we've had that number ever since he was around seven years old. Trying hard to hold on to my serenity here.......doin' ok but my mother instinct (enabler instinct?) is saying "call him back call him back call him back."

gentle hugs

suki44883

Your husband is right.

keepinon

That takes alot of self control, Kindeyes. Last mo. my my Ad finally wanted help she called her brother..he wouldn't get her, my mom wouldn't get her (was late at night and she had taken a sleeping pill),my husband wouldn't get her because she had used that day and he didn't even wake me up! The next day my husband asked her if she was still ready and he picked her up and took her to the hospital. If he wants it, he will wait or call again or do it on his own or get to a meeting....hang in there.

Kindeyes

Ok......the "call him back instinct" has passed. lol

My husband is a dear and patient man.

Thank you for the "just say no" to calling him back reinforcement guys.......it's very much appreciated.

gentle hugs

meditation

Kindeyes, emotional pain is worse than physical pain. So you could be onto something there. I was always wound tight...... always in control, always have had anxiety since I can remember so maybe it's for me at least just being an anxious worried type personality that landed me into trouble and when I finally let go... I reallllllllllllllllllllllllllly let go to the opposite side. I needed to take off the brakes but not to the degree I did. I have had to learn not to be obsessive about anything and learn to be balanced in everything and to take each day as it comes and let go. Anxiety is something I am working on. I'd rather have physical pain any day than emotional pain.
I hope your son realizes that he can be accepted without having to be the party fun person, I know if he ever got into recovery he could delve deep into all that and get some insights into his behaviors. All you can do is pray for him that he finds peace. A big hug for you.

greeteachday

I have found "acting as if" has helped me through many trying times...Even when i could not detach mentally and my thoughts were obsessing about my daughter, if I kept trying to act as if I had detached, in time the acting became more of a reality. Sounds to me as if you are using every tool you can and it will continue to help you through these painful times.


Most drugs that make us feel good release endorphins...Just like exercise. Like you, I have found my escape in all kinds of exercises...Nothing like the release of a good long run or a few hours at the gym. One of the benefits of recovery that I never would have predicted is that I am in better shape now (physically as well as emotionally) than I ever was in my life...including when i was young and looked like I was in shape

Impurrfect

(((Kindeyes))) - I'm glad you let that "call back" reflex go. Your husband is right...if he truly wants recovery, he'll do whatever it takes.

I am one of those who turned to addiction because of emotional pain....dealing with an A, and I was a raging codie. I had people tell me all the same things you've all told me, but I just couldn't hear it. Like ((Med)), I was a nurse and knew all about addiction...didn't think it would happen to me. I was raised in a good home, loving parents, and no addiction in sight (other than both parents smoked cigarettes).

I did the threatening of suicide, a few times, but it was before I became an addict...it was a desperate move to try to hold on to someone who was very, very bad for me. My mom never knew about it (she died in '91), and I only recently told dad a couple years ago.

I was pretty hopeless, but I still found my way to recovery, and I'm hoping and praying, your son and all the loved ones, here, find their way, too.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Serenity Bound

my AD said these exact words to me the other day.

Kindeyes.....I'm glad that you listened to your DH, and did not call your AS back. As everyone here has said, when he is ready for help, he will call.

Hugs,
Chris

Kindeyes

greeteachday - You should have seen me out there on the eliptical this morning...you would have thought I was crazy. Dancing (yes it is possible to dance on an eliptical), singing, laughing and then crying my eyes out. My therapist said that I needed to get all of that toxic emotion OUT and this seems to be working well. I went shopping on Sunday and I'm celebrating SIZE 8 JEANS!

Amy - your words give me hope. Your story just goes to prove that addiction does not discriminate. Thank you........and BTW......any animal lover is ok in my book. I have two big goofy (and deaf) greyhounds.

Chris - I'll pray for you and your daughter. I think all of us need all of the prayers we can get.

gentle hugs to all of you

It's a new day......let's rejoice.

Chino

Toxic emotion is adrenaline fueled by the fight or flight response. I learned the other day that adrenaline has to be counterbalanced with endorphins or it literally becomes toxic if we reabsorb it. I had no idea that all the times I was being stoic and holding back tears, was that dangerous for me.

Hey! Good for you and congrats on the jeans!

Kindeyes

I didn't know the science of it but I can sure tell that it helps me tremendously to get on that blasted eliptical and work through my feelings. I find I am a kinder person if I don't have all those poison emotions bubbling around inside of me. It helps me have better control of myself if I am more balanced.

Thanks for shedding some light on that matter. It makes a lot of sense to me!

I'm starting a yoga class on Thursday. That should help too.

gentle hugs