Kindeyes

I haven't seen or heard from my AS in four weeks. I've been doing pretty good. Concentrating on me. Going to meetings. Doing the things I need to do to stay in a healthy frame of mind.

I think about my adult AS often and hope and pray that he is ok.

Today is my birthday.....I was concerned that he might surface today.....and he did. He called to tell me that he is dying....that he is going to kill himself today.....that he's sleeping in a shed on a piece of carpet.....that he thinks he has AIDS.....that he has been on a continuous high for four weeks and is more addicted than ever and it's all my fault for throwing him out of our house four weeks ago when he was "trying to get sober".

I stayed calm. I asked him if he was ready to get into detox and rehab and that I am not qualified to help him--if he wants help he's going to need to get it from people who are qualified to help him. I asked him if he was ready for that kind of help. He said Yes.....but that he was too emotional and would have to call me back.

I have armed myself with the phone numbers of two detox centers and the crisis line. If he calls back, he will be offered those phone numbers and a ride to get there.

This is what the addict does.......I know that......the good news?

I had my little cry after getting off the phone with him but I recovered my composure quickly and I'm ok again. I think this is how recovery is suppose to work. I feel detached from the crisis but still love him very much.

suki44883

mercury44

:day6
A birthday hug for you

YouWillBe

Good gosh...I don't know how you who have dealt with this for a length of time do it...I'm encouraged by the fact that you were able to regain your perspective quickly, even in the midst of fear and sadness.

Happy Birthday to you! Here's to a new year of life full of health and happiness!

tormentedmirror

Happy Birthday, Kindeyes. I hope all your birthday wishes come true.

Jenna1970

Happy Birthday!:day1

litehorse

happy birthday kindeyes -

Callie

Happy Birthday Kindeyes. You handled yourself beautifully and textbook perfect. Hugs to you.

tjp613

Kindeyes -- I am so sorry. I can't get this stabbing feeling in my chest to go away I pray that he's ready for help. My gut says he's quacking because that's almost verbatim what happened with my son. We sent him to the psych hospital and he hasn't threatened suicide again. Maybe you could do the same? I'm sure you know best how to proceed.

I do hope this next year is a good one for you. ((((Hugs)))) Happy Birthday!

Kindeyes

Thank you all for your kind good wishes. I am determined to be ok today and not let him derail me.

It has now been several hours since he called. He hasn't called me again as he said he would. It leaves me wondering if his intent was simply to attempt to ruin my day. I hate being that cynical.

I have a nice evening planned with my husband, my mother, my daughter, her boyfriend and my niece. I will count my blessings that I have all of these wonderful people in my life.

And I will continue to hope and pray that my son reaches his bottom soon and that his bottom isn't dead.

gentle hugs to all of you who are coping with this craziness in your lives

Kindeyes

Thank you tjp613........I would have called the police or an ambulance to go get him......but I don't know where the shack (with the piece of carpeting in it) is. And who knows how much of what he said is true and how much was simply to try to hurt me.

He feels that we "kicked him out" when he was at our house four weeks ago. But I didn't kick him out. I was trying to set boundaries. He didn't like it and he said "I'm outta here." I didn't beg, I didn't plead with him. I simply said "ok". From that, he thinks we "kicked him out". Whatever. That's his perception and I'm not going to argue with it.

God......I am praying that you intervene.......my son needs an intervention of the devine kind.......there is nothing I can do for him. He is in your hands. Please watch over him and give me the strength to let go and let you do your work with him.

justjo

Kindeyes, I know what you mean, when you say 'simply an attempt to ruin my day'. I had this happen to me yesterday and yep, it hurts I know.
You are a strong lovely lady, your son will thankyou one day hun.
JJ

tjp613

This sounds like almost exactly what transpired with my son. He called his GF being all suicidal and he was in a town 150 miles away. She called me and I was at a business dinner! I had to excuse myself, call his dad to get on the phone with the police. We tracked him down because he had told his GF he was going to jump in front of a train...so we knew he was near a RR track and there was one near his apt. Police found him there at the tracks (thank God) and took him to the hospital. It was quite an ordeal.

I guess all you can do --all any of us can do -- is hand it over. Just know that we are here for YOU and I pray for your serenity today.

Spiritual Seeker

((((((((((KINDEYES)))))))))) How nice that you have a celebration planned!

It certainly seems your son is right on the edge of surrendering.
I offer my support and lots of hope !

:day1

Kindeyes

SS
Thank you. I always feel your gentle support for everyone here. It is in your quiet and kind words. I certainly hope you are right and he is nearing the point of surrender.

gentle hugs to you today and everyday

Callie

God......I am praying that you intervene.......my son needs an intervention of the devine kind.......there is nothing I can do for him. He is in your hands. Please watch over him and give me the strength to let go and let you do your work with him.

Me too Kindeyes. I pray for all of them that are so far gone. Yet again, textbook perfect. You're handling yourself like I wish I would have! Happy Birthday again girlie.

keepinon

I keep getting the same feeling as Spiritual Seeker. he's spiraling and flirting w/sobriety..probably getting closer and closer. I had something like this happen nite b4 we left 4 my 40th in June. You know what..i went and had a geat time..it was about 3 months later that she really was ready for rehab. you did not kick him out..that is BS and even HE knows that. I hope you can enjoy your birthday!

sojourner

Lots of ((((hugs)))) to you now.

Dear God, please hold Kindeyes close to your heart at this moment. I pray that her mom-heart feels your kindness for both her and her son. You are close to the broken-hearted, and so that means you are close to this son of hers. You are in control, and we thank you for that. Help Kindeyes to sleep well tonight. Amen.

chicory

Sojourner,
I pray that with you.

Kindeyes,
happy birthday sweet heart. God bless your heart, and keep it comforted.
It sounds like your son is maybe ready to get to help for his self. perhaps that is why he called. We are all keeping him in our prayers, that he is there, where God needs him to be. My heart is with you, and with your precious son.
You were awesome. You love him enough to be so brave, for his own good.

hugs to you Kindeyes,
chicory

greeteachday

Happy birthday Kind Eyes. I too find that counting the things I am so grateful for helps me get through the worst of times. I know your HP is hearing your prayers for you and your son.

I hope you had a wonderful evening with your loved ones.