Inlaws and Outlaws

Old 03-12-2009, 06:50 PM
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Inlaws and Outlaws

My Sister's husband's mother called today to ask about the kids. I explained that we're all doing just fine. I needed to talk to her anyways because she had asked to come visit this summer, but after reading the protective custody order for the children I was hesitant about her visiting. According to the PCO she was aware of the meth cooking in the house, and she herself uses marijuana. I told her that I didn't know her, but that I needed to know if she was still using. Before I allow her to visit the children I have to know that she is clean.
She went on a long tirade about how HER son would have NEVER said those things about her, and she had had no idea of any such thing. Apparently DCS is a bunch of liars, and will concoct stories to take children away from their parents and "get their way". It was an exhausting conversation. I explained to her that her son and my sister had decided to surrender their parental rights, but in his latest letter he had mentioned that he didn't want his rights terminated and looked forward to the day he got his kids back.
It honestly seems like I'm dealing with Cleopatra and King Tut here, and they are both floating up the river called denial. It was so hard to be nice, and not give in to the side of me that just wanted to slash, tear, and maim. All three children have respiratory problems, and I mentioned it to her when she called. I got treated to a high drama rendition of "I just had NO idea!"

I've only had the children a week, and I've seen the high side and low side of how this has affected them. It's agonizing to sit awake and listen to the baby monitor as a child wheezes and gasps, just waiting in case it gets bad enough we have to have a 0300 emergency room visit.

I know I can't control her reaction, and I know that she should probably read the codie commando codex, but until she admits to her own problems I can't even begin to suggest it. Thanks for listening to me babble yet again. I'm exhausted. Going to stumble off to bed and wait for the first hacking distressed breathing noise to come from the nursery. I've got a hot steamy shower with their name written all over it.
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Old 03-12-2009, 08:06 PM
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I'm very glad you have the children. I'm so sad they have health problems to deal with from all they went through.
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Old 03-12-2009, 08:36 PM
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uhhh (((Sunflowers))) it must be such an adjustment taking on 3 little ones and to deal with the health problems on top, please don't over worry. God gave us wonderful bodies that can repair a lot of damage on it's own with time. Maybe you can ask the doctor about turning the monitor off, I know little ones are always wheezy and it is troublesome to listen to while your trying to sleep. I am the same way when my g-daughter stays over I hear her all night long. I hope you have a lot of family and friends around to help you and give you some alone time, you sure are an angel.
I really don't know what to say about the husbands mother. I guess I would let her visit as long as it's supervised, I don't think she would light up around you. I would see what she is like around them and take it from there. I am one that gives everyone the benefit of a chance. I guess you really don't know where the Social worker got her information, it could just be hear say and not fact. I wish only the best for you and your large family. (((Smile)))
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Old 03-13-2009, 04:21 AM
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You only just recently got these children (and bless you for that) and my thoughts are that maybe taking time to assess and deal with the emotional and physical damage they have might be a good idea before you agree to anyone visiting them. You owe no explanations, you don't have to KNOW if they use or don't use. You are the parent now and get to say "no" just because you don't think it's a good idea.

What other people do, the choices they make, whether it's about drugs, abuse, or just living an insane life....are none of our business. But what we allow our children to be exposed to is, and choices we make to take care of children who have been through what yours have been through, don't have to be validated by those who are affected by our decisions.

Just keep doing the next right thing and you will be fine. And again, God bless you for taking care of these children and being their voice.

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Old 03-13-2009, 05:32 AM
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Great advice from Ann. I must say I have to agree that you are in charge now and are allowed to say "who" and "when". Perhaps you could send your sister's MIL some photos and updates of the boys until such time as their health improves and they feel secure in their new home.

You have my thoughts and prayers! Hugs to you and your whole family.

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Old 03-13-2009, 07:53 AM
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I agree with Ann, you are the parent, you just now are getting the children settled in a stable home. They need time to adjust and heal. No explanations are needed, just as they say "No" is a complete sentence. The children are blessed to have you.

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Old 03-13-2009, 10:51 AM
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*laughs* I never thought of it that way before. No. It's a complete sentence! Love it love it! We're getting through each day as it comes. We've all been afflicted with what I like to call kid crud. There's nothing that says love like sharing! I think throughout all of this whatever may come that I just want the kids to be safe and feel loved.
I can't say how much I appreciate you folks. There's honestly times that I can hear you in my head! I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it... I'm considering taping that to the bathroom mirror for those times where I feel like I can!
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Old 03-13-2009, 11:26 AM
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I agree with Ann too.

God bless you for caring for those precious children. :ghug :ghug
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Old 03-13-2009, 12:07 PM
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prayers for you and those precious little ones -

hope everyone adjust to the new home - a place filled with serenity, love and joy!!!

Let the sister's husband mom (grandma???) quack about whatever she wants to quack about -
I love the word "No"
and also

"I'll get back with you when it's a good time for us" is another good one too!

Take good care of you too!
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