Well, I guess AH made the decision for me - - -
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Well, I guess AH made the decision for me - - -
I'm calling a lawyer Monday and filing for divorce. For those of you who know my story, my AH is still @ his moms. My 8 yo twins had 2 friends each stay over night. So I had 6 kids with me last night. We were all "camping" on the floor sleeping and I get a call @ 6 this morning from his mom "have you seen AH?" I said no. She said the door is wide open, tv on, lights on, his coat here and he's not here. I said call when you hear from him. About 6 minutes later I get a call from the police department.
My AH was arrested and charged with theft and drug paraphenalia. He's on heroin again after 2 weeks of being clean. He was @ Walmart apparantly laying in the aisles, walking around talking to himself and "nodding out". When the police got there he was beating a bag of chips with a baseball bat trying to "open" them. When the officer asked for identification AH fumbled around to get it out and a needle fell out of his pocket. I was shocked, stunned and trying to get away from 6 kids to speak with the officer. His car is in my name and he had my debit card. I'm not sure how they can charge him with theft because he didn't leave the store and could have paid for them (with my card) but whatever. I guess his car was running in the parking lot, lights on parked in a handicapped spot (he's not handicapped). The officer said do you want us to retain your debit card, I said yes. Do you want us to release the car to him, I said no. So it is now impounded.
I called the officer back after our initial conversation and asked him if there was ANY way they could keep him in jail. They said no. I practically begged him. I then asked if there was anyway that I could have him committed. They said possibly, but I'd have to go to the courthouse and file paperwork etc. I can't do that until Monday.
I hung up and of course I am beside myself, worried, furious, upset etc. He walked to his moms, called me high as a kite and of course has a story about how the officer is lying etc. I have spoken with his mom and sister and told them both he would NOT be getting the car back until he is clean. Not trying to be a bit$%, but don't want him dead. He will be getting absolutely no money from me or his sister. His mom has her car keys and $ in her bra.
If you recall, my AH hit a parked car about 1 month ago (it was icy) and his car was totalled. He of course had a big story, but it was in town on a city street so I would think it would be hard total 2 cars unless you were flying. The officer that arrested him was the same officer that cited him for the accident. He said AH was acting the same then.
I just got online and saw that AH used my debit card to rack up $200 in charges yesterday. He got a haircut, went to the store, withdrew $ ordered a pizza etc. When he left MY house yesterday he was suppose to go to a doctors appt. The card was for his copay ONLY. He was suppose to come home after that and never did.
At this point I have to take 4 kids home and clean up the tornado that ran through my house last night. I have done everything to ensure that he does NOT have access to money OR a vehicle. I've ensured that all pills @ his moms and guns are removed from the house. Her keys are in her bra. My fear is that when he comes too he will realize what he's done and try to commit suicide. Is there anything else that I can do to stop it? Anything I'm overlooking?
I am just beside myself. You guys, if you would see him you'd be shocked. He is a beautiful man, very well dressed, very clean cut, does NOT look like that type AT ALL. My AH is 39 years old and what started out with darvocet, vicodin escalated to heroin. My AH in his right mind would NEVER do this.
I don't know what I'm asking with this post, - maybe prayers, thoughts, words of wisdom? Is there anything that I'm overlooking as far as preventing him getting more drugs or doing something stupid? I just cannot believe that this is happening. He's lost his job, lost a beautiful family, a beautiful house. He had it all and it's all gone. Because of drugs. I keep thinking this will be his bottom, that will be his bottom. But he just keeps on digging. I keep thinking if I would have just made him come home last night it could have prevented this. Now his name will be plastered on our town's paper. Theft and drug paraphenalia. My next question is what in the world do I tell my 8 year old twins. Thanks for reading guys and I'd appreciate any prayers you have or any words of wisdom.
My AH was arrested and charged with theft and drug paraphenalia. He's on heroin again after 2 weeks of being clean. He was @ Walmart apparantly laying in the aisles, walking around talking to himself and "nodding out". When the police got there he was beating a bag of chips with a baseball bat trying to "open" them. When the officer asked for identification AH fumbled around to get it out and a needle fell out of his pocket. I was shocked, stunned and trying to get away from 6 kids to speak with the officer. His car is in my name and he had my debit card. I'm not sure how they can charge him with theft because he didn't leave the store and could have paid for them (with my card) but whatever. I guess his car was running in the parking lot, lights on parked in a handicapped spot (he's not handicapped). The officer said do you want us to retain your debit card, I said yes. Do you want us to release the car to him, I said no. So it is now impounded.
I called the officer back after our initial conversation and asked him if there was ANY way they could keep him in jail. They said no. I practically begged him. I then asked if there was anyway that I could have him committed. They said possibly, but I'd have to go to the courthouse and file paperwork etc. I can't do that until Monday.
I hung up and of course I am beside myself, worried, furious, upset etc. He walked to his moms, called me high as a kite and of course has a story about how the officer is lying etc. I have spoken with his mom and sister and told them both he would NOT be getting the car back until he is clean. Not trying to be a bit$%, but don't want him dead. He will be getting absolutely no money from me or his sister. His mom has her car keys and $ in her bra.
If you recall, my AH hit a parked car about 1 month ago (it was icy) and his car was totalled. He of course had a big story, but it was in town on a city street so I would think it would be hard total 2 cars unless you were flying. The officer that arrested him was the same officer that cited him for the accident. He said AH was acting the same then.
I just got online and saw that AH used my debit card to rack up $200 in charges yesterday. He got a haircut, went to the store, withdrew $ ordered a pizza etc. When he left MY house yesterday he was suppose to go to a doctors appt. The card was for his copay ONLY. He was suppose to come home after that and never did.
At this point I have to take 4 kids home and clean up the tornado that ran through my house last night. I have done everything to ensure that he does NOT have access to money OR a vehicle. I've ensured that all pills @ his moms and guns are removed from the house. Her keys are in her bra. My fear is that when he comes too he will realize what he's done and try to commit suicide. Is there anything else that I can do to stop it? Anything I'm overlooking?
I am just beside myself. You guys, if you would see him you'd be shocked. He is a beautiful man, very well dressed, very clean cut, does NOT look like that type AT ALL. My AH is 39 years old and what started out with darvocet, vicodin escalated to heroin. My AH in his right mind would NEVER do this.
I don't know what I'm asking with this post, - maybe prayers, thoughts, words of wisdom? Is there anything that I'm overlooking as far as preventing him getting more drugs or doing something stupid? I just cannot believe that this is happening. He's lost his job, lost a beautiful family, a beautiful house. He had it all and it's all gone. Because of drugs. I keep thinking this will be his bottom, that will be his bottom. But he just keeps on digging. I keep thinking if I would have just made him come home last night it could have prevented this. Now his name will be plastered on our town's paper. Theft and drug paraphenalia. My next question is what in the world do I tell my 8 year old twins. Thanks for reading guys and I'd appreciate any prayers you have or any words of wisdom.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
I don't know what I'm asking with this post, - maybe prayers, thoughts, words of wisdom?
I don't know what to say to you Callie, you have been through so much with him, you have given him chance after chance after chance.. and now this..
I'm so sorry you have to go through this once again...
YOu are in my prayers today
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, I'm sorry to hear about all you have gone through and the chaos going on while you have your kids and their friends over! It sounds as though everyone is on the same page as far as money and transportation are concerned. Do you have a temporary restraining order against him while he is in this binge phase? It might be wise since you state that you have all hidden guns from him.
Just keep working to protect the safety of your children and yourself! Lots of good thoughts and support coming your way!
HG
Just keep working to protect the safety of your children and yourself! Lots of good thoughts and support coming your way!
HG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Callie 
Is there anything else that I can do to stop it? Anything I'm overlooking?
Is there anything that I'm overlooking as far as preventing him getting more drugs or doing something stupid?
I keep thinking if I would have just made him come home last night it could have prevented this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
The illusion that we have any control over the addict is just that-an illusion.
God has very wide shoulders. I try to remember to place all my fears and worries on his shoulders and let go.
:ghug :ghug
God has very wide shoulders. I try to remember to place all my fears and worries on his shoulders and let go.
:ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
The only thing that you can do is to protect yourself and your children. You are doing that. Now let him go. This same sh*t could have happened at your house with your children viewing it. It didn't because you have decided to not let him live with you. That is a really positive thing, Callie. Give yourself credit for that. He is just doing what addicts do and as long as his mother is willing to put up with it, he has no incentive to quit. I am sorry that the police and his mother involved you in this. Maybe the next time tell his mother not to call you, that you no longer want to hear about his messes. If you don't give him the card or the car, you have eliminated two sources of drama for you. Hugs and prayers. Marle
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
You are powerless over him Callie. Step 1 -- We admitted we were powerless over others and our lives had become unmanageable.
Callie I thought because I am the wife to AH, I had some say so, some kind of control that would stop him from doing destructive hurtful things in his addiction. If I only did this, if I only did that, something miraculous would happen and he would stop. Then I thought because he wasn't stopping and wasn't listening to me, he would surely listen to every Dr, minister, therapist, and counselor I called. Doesn't work.
All you can do is protect what is your own, your children, your home, your finances from addicts like this.
You will have to have a plan, because when he wakes up, first thing he is going to do is call you. What are you gonna do? Are you going to get on the phone correcting him, telling him what he needs to do for the umpteenth time. Or are you going to let him go to face this pain himself, and get out of the way. You have to have a protective plan for YOU and the CHILDREN, and stick to it.
I can't imagine how his mother is feeling right now.
Asking the Lord to intervene mightily in your situation Callie.
Callie I thought because I am the wife to AH, I had some say so, some kind of control that would stop him from doing destructive hurtful things in his addiction. If I only did this, if I only did that, something miraculous would happen and he would stop. Then I thought because he wasn't stopping and wasn't listening to me, he would surely listen to every Dr, minister, therapist, and counselor I called. Doesn't work.
All you can do is protect what is your own, your children, your home, your finances from addicts like this.
You will have to have a plan, because when he wakes up, first thing he is going to do is call you. What are you gonna do? Are you going to get on the phone correcting him, telling him what he needs to do for the umpteenth time. Or are you going to let him go to face this pain himself, and get out of the way. You have to have a protective plan for YOU and the CHILDREN, and stick to it.
I can't imagine how his mother is feeling right now.
Asking the Lord to intervene mightily in your situation Callie.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Callie,
My exAH fell hard like yours, after staying sober for 14 years. We were married 28 years total, but separated off and on the last 2 years. I finally filed for divorce after a major bender he had that resulted in similar circumstances to yours. I realized I needed to protect myself and my kids, both financially and emotionally. It seemed so callous of me at the time, because I did care for his well being and was also worried about depression and suicide. Or that my filing would cause him to do something dangerous or to cause him to not find sobriety.
Remember the 3 C's, Callie, is all I can say. This will probably not be the last time he does something like this, nor the last time your children will suffer from his behaviors and choices. It has been over 5 years since I filed for divorce and got a divorce. He continued his falling off the wagon behaviors throughout this entire time, going on benders, sobering up, losing his job, getting a job, going to treatment, on and on. Same behaviors he was doing married to me, he has done divorced from me. My exAH has been sober since October, as far as my grown children know. It's been years of his drinking for them, married to me or not. I was just not that powerful. Neither are you, Callie. You aren't causing this, you can't control it, and you aren't going to be his cure. Neither are his children.
He will either decide he has had enough one day or not. But it will be up to him. In the meantime, move ahead, for your own sanity, self-preservation, and financial security. And for your kids to see what a healthy, responsible parent does in times of crisis.
Wrapping heartfelt prayers around you right now, Callie. Take care of you today, tomorrow, and from this day forward. Let him face these consequences. It's the best for everyone.
My exAH fell hard like yours, after staying sober for 14 years. We were married 28 years total, but separated off and on the last 2 years. I finally filed for divorce after a major bender he had that resulted in similar circumstances to yours. I realized I needed to protect myself and my kids, both financially and emotionally. It seemed so callous of me at the time, because I did care for his well being and was also worried about depression and suicide. Or that my filing would cause him to do something dangerous or to cause him to not find sobriety.
Remember the 3 C's, Callie, is all I can say. This will probably not be the last time he does something like this, nor the last time your children will suffer from his behaviors and choices. It has been over 5 years since I filed for divorce and got a divorce. He continued his falling off the wagon behaviors throughout this entire time, going on benders, sobering up, losing his job, getting a job, going to treatment, on and on. Same behaviors he was doing married to me, he has done divorced from me. My exAH has been sober since October, as far as my grown children know. It's been years of his drinking for them, married to me or not. I was just not that powerful. Neither are you, Callie. You aren't causing this, you can't control it, and you aren't going to be his cure. Neither are his children.
He will either decide he has had enough one day or not. But it will be up to him. In the meantime, move ahead, for your own sanity, self-preservation, and financial security. And for your kids to see what a healthy, responsible parent does in times of crisis.
Wrapping heartfelt prayers around you right now, Callie. Take care of you today, tomorrow, and from this day forward. Let him face these consequences. It's the best for everyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Thank you for all of your responses. I'm trying to get the other 4 kids home and my two somewhere so I can go to the police station and get my card and the impound lot to get the car. I did call a hospital about having him committed. They said is suicidal, I said yes. They said I could bring him to the ER and request a psychiatric evaluation and they could hold him involuntarily.
I called his mom and she was asleep (who can sleep after all of this chaos????). I said could she take him to the ER. She said maybe when she wakes up this afternoon. She said I doubt I can talk him into it though. I said he needs to go NOW while he's still high (he's sleeping right now) so they can see the crazyness in his mind. I could just wring her neck for being so lazy about this.
My question to you guys - when I get rid of all of the kids do you think that I should do this or just let it go. I truely am worried about his life. He's fallen so far. I've been a shaking, nervous mess today so far. I just don't want him to die. I don't want to see such a good person (when he's clean) die. . . Whether by his own hands or from an OD. When he comes to today he will be shocked at what he did if he even remembers. I will repsond more later as I'm in fight or flight mode right now. But do you think when I get rid of all the kids I should do that? Thanks for being there guys.
I called his mom and she was asleep (who can sleep after all of this chaos????). I said could she take him to the ER. She said maybe when she wakes up this afternoon. She said I doubt I can talk him into it though. I said he needs to go NOW while he's still high (he's sleeping right now) so they can see the crazyness in his mind. I could just wring her neck for being so lazy about this.
My question to you guys - when I get rid of all of the kids do you think that I should do this or just let it go. I truely am worried about his life. He's fallen so far. I've been a shaking, nervous mess today so far. I just don't want him to die. I don't want to see such a good person (when he's clean) die. . . Whether by his own hands or from an OD. When he comes to today he will be shocked at what he did if he even remembers. I will repsond more later as I'm in fight or flight mode right now. But do you think when I get rid of all the kids I should do that? Thanks for being there guys.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I pray Callie, at some point, you will be so bone weary, that the lights will come on and you will see those kids who need one sane parent in their lives, that dam will finally burst, and in your utter exhaustion and during the flood of tears, you will say, "God, I just can't do it anymore. I don't know what your plan is for him, but I'm handing him and his life over to you."
It took me over 10 years of trying to control my oldest daughter's actions and addictions before I finally reached that point.
She's almost 31 years old now, still an active addict, and I sleep well at night knowing I have lovingly placed her in God's hands, and am letting him do his work with her.
I will continue to stay out of his way.
:ghug :ghug
It took me over 10 years of trying to control my oldest daughter's actions and addictions before I finally reached that point.
She's almost 31 years old now, still an active addict, and I sleep well at night knowing I have lovingly placed her in God's hands, and am letting him do his work with her.
I will continue to stay out of his way.
:ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
Callie
My husband is a crack addict, and after 10 years clean he used......which inturn lead to a few years of the rollercoaster ride...............use clean use clean hope disappointments
and most of all FEAR I was scared to death each time he would die while using or he would kill himself after..............
and God knows he did try, but he did not succeed
I finally had to come to accept that he may be hell bent on trying to die~~ but theres nothing I can do...............With this I finally accepted "turning him over to his HP"
because no matter how much he wanted to die or how much I DIDNT want him to die............in the end its up to his HP and I believe that gods not finished with him yet and he can try as hard as he wants but until God says enough come to me.......he wont be able to
This wasnt easy and I dread the day that his HP says come to me but in a way accepting this has given me comfort.................ITS NOT up to my husband its not up to me...if he lives or dies that is in his HP hands
HUGS ands you are in my thoughts!!!!!
My husband is a crack addict, and after 10 years clean he used......which inturn lead to a few years of the rollercoaster ride...............use clean use clean hope disappointments
and most of all FEAR I was scared to death each time he would die while using or he would kill himself after..............
and God knows he did try, but he did not succeed
I finally had to come to accept that he may be hell bent on trying to die~~ but theres nothing I can do...............With this I finally accepted "turning him over to his HP"
because no matter how much he wanted to die or how much I DIDNT want him to die............in the end its up to his HP and I believe that gods not finished with him yet and he can try as hard as he wants but until God says enough come to me.......he wont be able to
This wasnt easy and I dread the day that his HP says come to me but in a way accepting this has given me comfort.................ITS NOT up to my husband its not up to me...if he lives or dies that is in his HP hands
HUGS ands you are in my thoughts!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Now his name will be plastered on our town's paper. Theft and drug paraphenalia. My next question is what in the world do I tell my 8 year old twins.
The children will have to know what to say when confronted by friends who know.
At this age I believe children know how to read. If it's in the paper, word will get around quickly. You are going to have to figure out what you are going tell a town full of people that may ask. Truth is always the best thing. You can tell people if you choose, exactly what you said here. He started out on pain pills, got addicted, and eventually turned to heroine, and he's been going downhill ever since. That is why you are not together, and now he's in trouble with the law. I know you fear town embarrassment, but the exposure is needed for AH. That needle falling out of his pocket was no accident. Pride got in the way of his wanting help in the last 2 rehabs. I've heard it said that "no one is too stupid for recovery, but some are too smart for it." Let him go, let him go, let him go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Thank you guys. I will do nothing. I am going to run the kids home and have my parents take me to get AH's car. I will come back here and reread everything more thoroughly. I haven't even told my parents yet. Too ashamed to call them right now and I'm trying to keep my sanity for the 6 kids that I have here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central, La.
Posts: 422
Callie,
By you sharing this experience, I see how vulnerable I remain. All I have is today and the best I can contribute to it. I was married 13 yrs, divorced over 5, and now reunited with my wife. It took a tremendous amount of pain and suffering for me and those who love me. They let me go, it's what was necessary for me to surrender. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change, or simply isn't ready yet..... He is responsible for his actions, not you...Live your life...He has to discover a new one or ...............You will be in my prayers.....
A
By you sharing this experience, I see how vulnerable I remain. All I have is today and the best I can contribute to it. I was married 13 yrs, divorced over 5, and now reunited with my wife. It took a tremendous amount of pain and suffering for me and those who love me. They let me go, it's what was necessary for me to surrender. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change, or simply isn't ready yet..... He is responsible for his actions, not you...Live your life...He has to discover a new one or ...............You will be in my prayers.....
A
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Callie
Thank you guys. I will do nothing. I am going to run the kids home and have my parents take me to get AH's car. I will come back here and reread everything more thoroughly. I haven't even told my parents yet. Too ashamed to call them right now and I'm trying to keep my sanity for the 6 kids that I have here.
He is doing what addicts do. And it has absolutely nothing to do with you or the kids. It's addiction.
How likely is he going to be to join his mother on a ride to the ER, because you think he might kill himself or OD? Is it more likely that he is going to be craving his DOC and ready to hit the streets with your debit card.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
My son did a very similar thing at my daughters 10th birthday. I dont know if its coincidence but my son always seemed to pick these special times to act out -i made a decision that day that he will never sidetrack our plans again.
I had to tell her about it the next day because i knew she would find out and i knew that our lives were about to change. she said ahhh so that's why he was acting so weird. I dont know about kids of 8 but i know that my daughter at 10 knew that her brother wasnt acting right and it was better for me to tell her - never gory details but the always the truth and only typically in small stages. I'm glad that i did because since then she has seen so much that would have been even scarier had she not understood that its not really her brother - its the drugs that make him act that way. She had to witness him overdosing a few months ago and it would have been tragic for her if she wasnt prepared.
At 8, if he is this active and you know they will find out, you're going to have to figure out a way to explain this to your girls without providing details that will scare them. You have to prepare them somewhat for what they may see in the future but not make them fearful of the future. Its a hard task and you may need help from others when you do it - maybe another family member they are close with. Tell them enough now that if they hear they wont be shocked but dont tell them anymore than necessary or anything that will make them worry too much. A child should not be put in the position of worrying about their parents (that's a recipie for a future codie.)
It also helped my daughter to have some adults outside of me to talk to about this. once we came out of the closet about her brothers drug use and legal problems it was a lot easier. She has choosen to not talk to friends about this - she just doesnt think they will understand and keeps her comments short if they ask. When he's in rehab she tells them he's at boarding school - technically it is kinda a boarding school - he lives there and goes to school there so I dont think its wrong for her to use this white lie if it makes it easier on her. It helps her to have to keep from answering a lot of questions that she's not comfortable with.
Good luck with this - you have a hard task ahead of you. Think through what you are going to do, say things slowly and keep it short. i also use movies, activities, other things that they are focused on or that bring up topics we need to discuss to help me get difficult news and information to my kids. Sometime those sit down family meetings are overwhelming for a child - but baking cookies and talking about a problem dad is having a little less non-confrontational.
I had to tell her about it the next day because i knew she would find out and i knew that our lives were about to change. she said ahhh so that's why he was acting so weird. I dont know about kids of 8 but i know that my daughter at 10 knew that her brother wasnt acting right and it was better for me to tell her - never gory details but the always the truth and only typically in small stages. I'm glad that i did because since then she has seen so much that would have been even scarier had she not understood that its not really her brother - its the drugs that make him act that way. She had to witness him overdosing a few months ago and it would have been tragic for her if she wasnt prepared.
At 8, if he is this active and you know they will find out, you're going to have to figure out a way to explain this to your girls without providing details that will scare them. You have to prepare them somewhat for what they may see in the future but not make them fearful of the future. Its a hard task and you may need help from others when you do it - maybe another family member they are close with. Tell them enough now that if they hear they wont be shocked but dont tell them anymore than necessary or anything that will make them worry too much. A child should not be put in the position of worrying about their parents (that's a recipie for a future codie.)
It also helped my daughter to have some adults outside of me to talk to about this. once we came out of the closet about her brothers drug use and legal problems it was a lot easier. She has choosen to not talk to friends about this - she just doesnt think they will understand and keeps her comments short if they ask. When he's in rehab she tells them he's at boarding school - technically it is kinda a boarding school - he lives there and goes to school there so I dont think its wrong for her to use this white lie if it makes it easier on her. It helps her to have to keep from answering a lot of questions that she's not comfortable with.
Good luck with this - you have a hard task ahead of you. Think through what you are going to do, say things slowly and keep it short. i also use movies, activities, other things that they are focused on or that bring up topics we need to discuss to help me get difficult news and information to my kids. Sometime those sit down family meetings are overwhelming for a child - but baking cookies and talking about a problem dad is having a little less non-confrontational.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Callie, my most sincere wish is that someday soon you will stop wanting to control his life. When that day happens you will feel no shame and begin to find serenity.
My prayers are with you.
My prayers are with you.
"Taking the risk to blossom"
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: a little piece of heaven! Ontario Canada
Posts: 245
I too have rode this rollercoaster to "hell and back". My husband was charged with his fourth dui -- all over the papers -- I hid out until it blew over. Looking back, I wonder why. I didn't do it -- his behaviour is not a reflection of your behaviour. The shame is huge and deep and very damaging. I think you are making the right decision to do "nothing" except what you need to do to protect your property and kids. When you return to reread this post, if you haven't already, read the stickies at the top -- "what an addict does" and "let me fall". They really helped me put into perspective what I'm really dealing with here. I have spent 10 years of a 27 year relationship trying to clean up his messes all the while, losing myself and helping him remain sick. He is a big boy -- let him clean up his mess. I'm thinking of you
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Jersey
Posts: 229
Originally Posted by Callie
I have done everything to ensure that he ....
Originally Posted by Callie
Is there anything else that I can do to stop it? Anything I'm overlooking?
Originally Posted by Callie
You guys, if you would see him you'd be shocked. He is a beautiful man, very well dressed, very clean cut, does NOT look like that type AT ALL. My AH is 39 years old and what started out with darvocet, vicodin escalated to heroin. My AH in his right mind would NEVER do this.
Originally Posted by Callie
Is there anything that I'm overlooking as far as preventing him getting more drugs or doing something stupid?
Originally Posted by Callie
He's lost his job, lost a beautiful family, a beautiful house. He had it all and it's all gone. Because of drugs. I keep thinking this will be his bottom, that will be his bottom. But he just keeps on digging. I keep thinking if I would have just made him come home last night it could have prevented this.
Yes, he may be out of the house, but you are still available to him 24-7...so did he really lose his family? Is it really all gone? Please start to wonder what will be YOUR bottom... It seems to me that he was already at home (at his mom's) and abruptly left in the middle of the night, leaving the door wide open...This seems like pretty dangerous behavior to me to be around little kids... What's to say you could have prevented that from happending at your house? Or what if one of the twins friends had found a needle and drug paraphenalia? This also seems pretty dangerous. There is nothing you can do to prevent him from using.
I am so sorry that you are so distraught over all that is happening... Any one would be... I am also sorry if any of this comes across too harsh... it is not meant to be. But I also know that from personal experience, the kicks in the butt were the ones that helped ME the most. They may not have been what I wanted to hear at the time, but they were what I NEEDED to hear at the time.
MANY prayers for you and your children..........
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
