Callie

You won't even believe this... AH is on his way to a recovery center. Insurance is paying for most of it and his dad is paying the copay, which is $2800. He's 10 states away with no money and no credit cards to leave. I took him to the airport 2 hours ago. This was totally unexpected. Thankfully his MOM gave him his last 5 valium for the flight - just as any good mother would do This is a 60 day minimum stay.

I cannot believe he went. NOW what do I do??????

ToughChoices

Well, you don't have to decide anything tonight - except maybe what you want to have for breakfast in the morning
The big choices can wait until some of the crazy has died down.

Give it some time. See what happens.

Has he been in treatment before?

-TC

MeHandle

What do you mean, what do i do?

Do about what?

Start with this, give yourself a hand.

Callie

Yes, 3x, but always in our state with a car so he could leave freely. His dad fronted the $ 2800 or something of that nature. He's 10 states away and this is a min. of 60 days. His dad put only himself and me on the contact list for admin. Am I being sucked in again - probably so. The stakes have never been this high for him though.

serenityqueen

NeedingHelp7

Callie, I thought he had to face his charges in court on Thurs. Did he postpone his court appearance?

winnie12

His dad paid the copay - his mom gave him drugs - you only gave him a ride to the airport.

If you're being sucked in its only because you are doing it. Just because his dad put your name on the list doesnt mean you have to go does it? He's gone 60 days - you have 60 days of freedom to work on your own life and get your own thoughts together on what you want. I would look at this as a gift - freedom from stress for a little while. I have always taken these times as a rejuvination period - didnt matter if it worked for my AS it gave me the chance to live worry free and recover from all the stress - mostly to think clearly without the manipulation and distraction. If these other people in his life want to do these things it doesnt mean that you have to jump in and help - its their choice but their choices dont dictate that you have to make the same choice.

hello-kitty

Keep your focus. Continue what you are doing. Your life plans should not be hinged on what he does. He has a lot of work ahead of him once he graduates from the program, IF he graduates from the program. I recall that he has dropped out of treatment like at least twice since you've been posting on this board.

How many times has he done this Callie? His actions after treatment will show you if he has hit his bottom but if you change all your plans because he decided to go to treatment - well nothing has really changed at all.

Callie

Thanks guys - I got a call last night @ 2 am and AH is now in their hands. I said I will NOT come and get him if he chooses to bail out anytime soon. His dad won't either, so he's stuck in Fla and will have to find his own way back! I also told his mom and family that this didn't mean anything @ all on my part. I ran him to the airport last minute, I said I would work with counselors, doctors, nurses, whomever, but that didn't mean I was staying with him or getting sucked back in to a marriage. I told AH this too on the way down. I will reiterate it later on as well.

I called his mom this am to tell her that AH arrived. She was glad, but was crying and said is he ok? I am thinking "well as OK as any heroin addict can be." She said well I just miss him. I said yea, I'll have missed him when he's dead if he continued on the same path up here. She said well you didn't tell him that this didn't mean you'd get back together did you? I said yes, I did - he needs to know that he's doing this for himself and NOT for me. Also he's in good hands now and has lots of counselors to help him work through those issues. I can see that her and I will have LOTS of trouble. I'm going to continue to avoid her calls and have my contact to her be my SIL. I get worked up every single time I speak with her it seems. She is so unbelievably clueless.

His dad is going to pick him up in Florida (he lives in Alabama) when his rehab is done and AH will go live with him for a while and there's NO WAY his dad will put up with his crap. He will be in a structured environment with his dad.

I'm kinda feeling jipped because it should be *ME* that is laying on a beach in Fla. instead of facing 2-6 inches of snow tonight. *I'm* the one who did all of the work! J/K. Thanks for being there guys.

Impurrfect

Good for you, ((Callie)). Just because he's gone to rehab, does NOT mean he's taking his recovery seriously. Only time will tell, and you've already given him a lot of time. In the meantime, you and your kids can go on and live your lives.

I agree with not talking to your MIL. My stepmom is 100% codie and talking to her about some things is nothing but frustrating...she just doesn't get it. As Japic says, you might as well talk to a pine tree

You're doing great! You and the kids are the important focus here, and you are surrounded by lots of love and support...that is truly a blessing.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

winnie12

Yeah but you get to hug those beautiful girls tonite - that's better than any beach!!

Way to go on the rest! Again you handle it with the grace of a woman. You're my hero!!!!

Freedom1990

You can tell me to butt right back out of this thread if you wish, and I can assure you I won't be offended at all, okay?

You're already getting sucked back in. Callie is back on the band wagon of doing her share of trying to find some sense of control in this situation rather than letting go, ie. working with counselors, nurses, whomever, in my opinion!

I'm sitting here, he's not even my AH, and I still have fresh visions of the Walmart scene, complete with baseball bat and chips playing through my head.

I am a recovering drug addict. I am also a recovering codependent.

I can no more stick my foot back into the dysfunctional dance with an active addict than I can sit in a room full of people shooting up meth.

He's gone to rehab. Big deal. He's been in rehab before, no?

Addicts will do what they have to do to get people, places, and things off their backs, and that does include the courts. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Personally, I'd go absolutely no contact and allow him the dignity to deal with his own crap in rehab, and focus on you and your children. The staff there will do fine without your help.

Just my very blunt two cents worth, and I say it out of love. :ghug

Chino

One of the guys in rehab (early 20's) with my daughter was fresh out of prison, and had been to rehab before. During family week he told me he advised his parents not to come when they asked if they should. I asked why and he said they've all done the song and dance before, it would just be a waste of time and money on their part. He also said it was time he faced recovery on his own.

I had already decided that should my daughter ever revisit rehab, I wouldn't be an active participant again because I already gave 100%. After listening to him, it sealed the deal for me.

Callie

Freedom - You're right about the being sucked back in thing. I'd talked with my mom and sister today. It was in the paper yesterday about the theft/drug paraphanalia. I am going to slowly proceed with a dissolution. If he stays in rehab he's in the proper hands to help him cope with this. Thanks for pointing this out.

But seriously you guys, would you have really NOT taken your loved one to the airport for rehab? I mean I could have said no, but would have never been able to live with myself. The airport is in a big city and his family is completely oblivious to driving in anything over 2 lanes. Anyway, I will proceed as planned. Thanks for listening and I can take the 2x4's. They're nothing compared to the 6x6's my AH has hit me with!

winnie12

callie - you helped him leave. i see nothing wrong with that. if you were picking him up from the airport and bringing him home that would be a different story.

Freedom1990

Callie, at the end of the day, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror.

You took him to the airport and it's done, dear. :ghug

Had my EXAH not driven me to rehab, I would have died, bottom line, because I was in no shape to drive anywhere, let alone the 2 hours to rehab.

:ghug :ghug

ToughChoices

I think it would depend on how many times I'd made the drive before (and if I thought someone might steal my purse or verbally abuse me on the way ).

Driving somebody to the airport is a nice favor, Callie. Call it that - and let it rest. You didn't take him to rehab - he had to be a big boy and get on the plane all by himself. He had to get off the plane by himself and make his own, lonesome way to the rehab facility.

His recovery doesn't require your participation.
Enjoy the peace and keep making the choices that will improve your life.

-TC

serenityqueen

Callie

My gosh - here I was a year ago. I feel I've come so far, but this really takes me back. I don't ever want to be here again.

coffeedrinker

a good reminder, eh?

happy new year, callie