Help MyJoey 17 years olds
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Its hard when they are this age - they look like men but they arent - they still have the minds of children. Never think that if you report him that you are messing up his life. He is the one engaging in the illegal activity so its his crimes not yours.
I made it very clear to my son that My house - My rules. You break the law - I call the law. Its not just for him - it is also for myself and his sister - we dont deserve to live like that. The craziness has subsided quite a bit once he found out i was serious - the sad thing is the only way my son found out how serious i was is becuase he tested my rules. My son is more likely to talk his PO out of arresting him then talking me out of having him arrested. And the court gives me the utmost respect (they dont with parents who cover) and they really listen to me when i have opinions on what is best for him.
A woman at the mental health department asked me one time the following: when your son was little how many times did you tell him there was going to be a consequence and not really follow through or drop that consequence later? I said I probably gave into him about 30% of the time - I completely lied because i couldnt admit that it was more like 50-60% of the time that i gave in (i'm guessing she knew i lied). She replied back that if even once you didnt follow through on a consequence you were teaching him that consequences dont apply to him - especially when it comes to you. It was a real eye opener and even though its late - i dont make idle threats and i always follow through.
You cant make your son change but you can teach him some valuable lessons on consequences and you can reclaim yourself.
I made it very clear to my son that My house - My rules. You break the law - I call the law. Its not just for him - it is also for myself and his sister - we dont deserve to live like that. The craziness has subsided quite a bit once he found out i was serious - the sad thing is the only way my son found out how serious i was is becuase he tested my rules. My son is more likely to talk his PO out of arresting him then talking me out of having him arrested. And the court gives me the utmost respect (they dont with parents who cover) and they really listen to me when i have opinions on what is best for him.
A woman at the mental health department asked me one time the following: when your son was little how many times did you tell him there was going to be a consequence and not really follow through or drop that consequence later? I said I probably gave into him about 30% of the time - I completely lied because i couldnt admit that it was more like 50-60% of the time that i gave in (i'm guessing she knew i lied). She replied back that if even once you didnt follow through on a consequence you were teaching him that consequences dont apply to him - especially when it comes to you. It was a real eye opener and even though its late - i dont make idle threats and i always follow through.
You cant make your son change but you can teach him some valuable lessons on consequences and you can reclaim yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Hi, another mom!!
Welcome to SR, a great place to come and talk, yell, cry--whatever you are doing at the time. Great people who have been in our shoes.
I agree, a child is the absolute worse! I have wished my daughter dead, prayed for death myself, done everything I could to try and make it better. nothing did! The thing that helped me was SR and meetings. I know now I can' only love, change myself, and turn it over to God.
keep reading about us, our kids, and our lives. You are not unique, we have been there.
my prayers,
susan
Welcome to SR, a great place to come and talk, yell, cry--whatever you are doing at the time. Great people who have been in our shoes.
I agree, a child is the absolute worse! I have wished my daughter dead, prayed for death myself, done everything I could to try and make it better. nothing did! The thing that helped me was SR and meetings. I know now I can' only love, change myself, and turn it over to God.
keep reading about us, our kids, and our lives. You are not unique, we have been there.
my prayers,
susan
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
welcome to the "saving your sanity website".
My son, also a joey 24 this month, had a perfect life as well and before I knew it he was doing heroin at age 17.
thankfully graduated high school, went on to the army, 4 stays in rehab as well as out patient (that was a joke, we put him in this when he first started heroin and I had no idea about addiction) he was (still is) the perfect kid, just made the wrong choice.
now he is 13 months clean and sober so hang in there, theres always hope.
good luck and
God bless
My son, also a joey 24 this month, had a perfect life as well and before I knew it he was doing heroin at age 17.
thankfully graduated high school, went on to the army, 4 stays in rehab as well as out patient (that was a joke, we put him in this when he first started heroin and I had no idea about addiction) he was (still is) the perfect kid, just made the wrong choice.
now he is 13 months clean and sober so hang in there, theres always hope.
good luck and
God bless
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I hope you dont mind me chiming in here.
I was a spoiled kid. I had everything I could ever need and want. Iw as educated. I traveled with my grandparents alot. I had alot of opportunities that alot of kids didnt that I knew. I neevr had to want for anything. Lots of love and support in my family. Close family.
BUT..I still managed to become a crack addict for almost 14 years. WHY? I really have no idea. It wastn because something was wrong. It was fun at the time. It was what people I was around were doing. Bottom line.
I wish my grams had let me hit bottom years ago. She was my biggest enabler. No more tho. And it was the best thing she could have ever done.
Now I dont have her to bail me out every time. So I have to deal with my consequenses all on my own. And I know it now.
I cant say I agree with the setting up. Thats wrong to me. But whatever you feel you need to do. I cant imagine the desperation and the pain to see your child doing that to themselves. So I cant judge.
He is very llucky to have a mom that cares so much. One day he will see it too.
Soemtimes..Just letting an addict fall on their own and sit and stew in their own misery is the best thing to do.
I was a spoiled kid. I had everything I could ever need and want. Iw as educated. I traveled with my grandparents alot. I had alot of opportunities that alot of kids didnt that I knew. I neevr had to want for anything. Lots of love and support in my family. Close family.
BUT..I still managed to become a crack addict for almost 14 years. WHY? I really have no idea. It wastn because something was wrong. It was fun at the time. It was what people I was around were doing. Bottom line.
I wish my grams had let me hit bottom years ago. She was my biggest enabler. No more tho. And it was the best thing she could have ever done.
Now I dont have her to bail me out every time. So I have to deal with my consequenses all on my own. And I know it now.
I cant say I agree with the setting up. Thats wrong to me. But whatever you feel you need to do. I cant imagine the desperation and the pain to see your child doing that to themselves. So I cant judge.
He is very llucky to have a mom that cares so much. One day he will see it too.
Soemtimes..Just letting an addict fall on their own and sit and stew in their own misery is the best thing to do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 331
This is no knock on anyone or band but my friend went on tour with this jamband and began abusing drugs, had a heart attack and stroke, ended up arrested and addicted to meth. It took years of recovery for him to get his s^&* together, the odd thing is he is in AA now and the lead singer of this band is in the AA with him, everything goes full circle. I wish nothing but the best and it will work out in time and with support. GODBLESS!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Originally Posted by rahsue 
oh by the way, in pennsylvania there is a free rehab, it's called Gaudenzia, and they are all over the state. Look into it, there is one for minors in harrisburg.
Susan, thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Originally Posted by chiynita
I hope you dont mind me chiming in here.
I was a spoiled kid. I had everything I could ever need and want. Iw as educated. I traveled with my grandparents alot. I had alot of opportunities that alot of kids didnt that I knew. I neevr had to want for anything. Lots of love and support in my family. Close family.
BUT..I still managed to become a crack addict for almost 14 years. WHY? I really have no idea. It wastn because something was wrong. It was fun at the time. It was what people I was around were doing. Bottom line.
I wish my grams had let me hit bottom years ago. She was my biggest enabler. No more tho. And it was the best thing she could have ever done.
Now I dont have her to bail me out every time. So I have to deal with my consequenses all on my own. And I know it now.
I cant say I agree with the setting up. Thats wrong to me. But whatever you feel you need to do. I cant imagine the desperation and the pain to see your child doing that to themselves. So I cant judge.
He is very llucky to have a mom that cares so much. One day he will see it too.
Soemtimes..Just letting an addict fall on their own and sit and stew in their own misery is the best thing to do.
I was a spoiled kid. I had everything I could ever need and want. Iw as educated. I traveled with my grandparents alot. I had alot of opportunities that alot of kids didnt that I knew. I neevr had to want for anything. Lots of love and support in my family. Close family.
BUT..I still managed to become a crack addict for almost 14 years. WHY? I really have no idea. It wastn because something was wrong. It was fun at the time. It was what people I was around were doing. Bottom line.
I wish my grams had let me hit bottom years ago. She was my biggest enabler. No more tho. And it was the best thing she could have ever done.
Now I dont have her to bail me out every time. So I have to deal with my consequenses all on my own. And I know it now.
I cant say I agree with the setting up. Thats wrong to me. But whatever you feel you need to do. I cant imagine the desperation and the pain to see your child doing that to themselves. So I cant judge.
He is very llucky to have a mom that cares so much. One day he will see it too.
Soemtimes..Just letting an addict fall on their own and sit and stew in their own misery is the best thing to do.
All the post are so helpful, I get something from each one. Many thanks. Julie (Joey's mom)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
MJ,
Welcome to SR. My son is the addict in my life.
You've now joined a club nobody wanted to belong to, a parent of an addict. But this site is good place to me, filled with good people and lots of advice.
Reads the stickies, draw boundries and enforce them. But we all know that's easier said than done.
Prayers for you and your family.
Welcome to SR. My son is the addict in my life.
You've now joined a club nobody wanted to belong to, a parent of an addict. But this site is good place to me, filled with good people and lots of advice.
Reads the stickies, draw boundries and enforce them. But we all know that's easier said than done.
Prayers for you and your family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Thank you Aquablue and Hurtingdad, (just that name hurts) It is hard to enforce, he has been home and I believe clean a week, last night was really good I think the withdraw was heck for him, I know it was for us. I don't handle being called names very well. LOL The only time I can keep him clean or half clean is when I keep him home. He is talking like he is going to stay clean, but I know he is just playing me at least my head tells me that, but the heart is something else.....time will tell it as always. I will be praying for both of you also, thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
Welcome! I'm the mom of a 20 y/o addict daughter (crack). I used to wish I lived in PA (I'm in NJ) because I had no way to force my daughter into treament when she was 17 and still at home. made no difference in the long run. she's been to 8 detox/rehabs in the 2 1/2 years since then - all entered voluntarily - and she still isn't clean. forcing consequences didn't work either. I suppose it sometimes does work. But it didn't for us. I have learned so much about how to live my life and get back some degree of sanity thru all of this, by coming around here to this forum often. THis stuff is not for wimps. I never thought I could endure the kind of pain I have endured. but I know so many more ways of coping and I am much stronger than I would have ever imagined. Hang in and post and vent as much as you need to; this is a pretty safe place for us.
I believe our addict kids are in God's hands and the best we can do is pray everyday, and let go more and more.
I believe our addict kids are in God's hands and the best we can do is pray everyday, and let go more and more.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Ok I need help here, I just found out my son has been stealing my jewelry and pawning it off, not only mine but my husbands as well. One of the items he took was my 3x grandmothers ring which was worth hundreds, but I would never sell it. I just can't believe he did this and I have no idea how long it has been gone, we just moved to this house in March (To get away from the drugs at the old house) and I know it was all here then he took all my husband gold..........the reason I found out was I cleaning up his room and found 2 of my gold rings in his pocket, that made me go look at the rest of my jewelry which so much of it is gone....Please tell me what to do, should I call the police?
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
That's such a hard one...but really, the reason they steal from us is they think there will be no consequences. Would you call if this was a stranger? Because this is a stranger...and you should treat it as such. Sometimes jail is the safest place for them.
But as parents, this is one of the hardest things to do. If you do this, he will believe you down the line, when you say you're gonna do something. Don't let your principles slide because this is your son. Perhaps if you call police it will wake him up.
Just my humble opinion.
Whatever you decide...we're behind you!!
NSW
But as parents, this is one of the hardest things to do. If you do this, he will believe you down the line, when you say you're gonna do something. Don't let your principles slide because this is your son. Perhaps if you call police it will wake him up.
Just my humble opinion.
Whatever you decide...we're behind you!!
NSW
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by MyJoey
Please tell me what to do, should I call the police?
Do not bail him put and do not hire a lawyer for him.
He will be off the streets and safe, for awhile.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by MyJoey
The only time I can keep him clean or half clean is when I keep him home.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Thank you both, I know this is what I am going to have to do. He is only 17 so I don't know if he will go to jail or not, he is still waiting on the charge for having weed to come to court. I just can't get over how much stuff he sold, I am missing more and more. I am going to go to the pawn shop in the morning and see if I can get anything back, (I would just be happy to get my 3x grandmothers ring back, I was so proud to have that ring and I was saving it for my g-daughter) I can't believe they would buy so much stuff from a 17 year old and not question if its stolen............. I am just sick.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
My Joey, If it were anyone other than your son, what would you do? Most likely you'd call the police. Don't think you're alone in this either, because my AD stole my jewelry also. Yep, it is extremely hard & embarrassing to call the police on your own kids, however, we need to protect ourselves and let them stand up to the consequences of their behaviors.
Hugs,
Chris
Hugs,
Chris
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