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Old 11-11-2008, 05:43 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Reallly, she has to do some soul searching. If she doesn't keep the baby, she might resent him forever and their relationship is ruined anyway. How do you feel? If he would break it off with her over this, just becauuse of his family, it's sounds absurd. I have no great advice...but hope your daughter gives it some real hard thought, and does what's in her heart. She's the one who will have to live with her choice.

Eileen
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Old 11-11-2008, 05:44 PM
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Ann,
You make me laugh. Insensitive turds is a good one. I'll have to tell my daughter that one. Maybe it will make her laugh.
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Old 11-11-2008, 05:51 PM
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Babies are blessings. They dont get to pick who their parents are and why they were brought into this world.

IMO my last child was a surprise. LOTS of people thought we were making a mistake. Difficult pregnancy. New relationship. Already on tight budget etc....

But you know what we had her and looking back I can honestly say that not one child do I regret having. Not one. No matter what. They are blessings in my life.

Could I look back at that situation without regret had we decided to abort?

I would have more then regret.

You never regret your babies.......
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Old 11-12-2008, 09:25 PM
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My mom's first marriage was to a "Momma's Boy", late 20's and no one was good enough for him. When they found out my mom was pregnant they said just about the same thing, well, not abortion, but not to expect them to be around. There was no way they were going to accept a child from that horrible woman who had stole their son. Wrong!! That baby, my brother, was born and it was horrible, my mom says. Her MIL was at the house constantly, my mom didn't know anything about raising a baby, everything my mom did was wrong, she tried to talk her son into leaving with the baby. She saw it as an opportunity to have another child to control. The marriage didn't stand a chance and they divorced within the year. He married again and they moved in with his parents and lived with them until they died.

I agree with the others, anyone who would give me those choices would be gone.

I love little babies. What joy they bring into our lives with all their innocence.

Hugs,
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Old 11-12-2008, 09:25 PM
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Is your daughter prepared to get off the methadone while pregnant?
This seems like an obvious reason to get fully sober.

Talking things out with a counselor sounds like the best way for your daughter
to come to a decision.
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Old 11-12-2008, 09:44 PM
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I had the abortion and the jerk left anyway. He wasn't even an addict/alcoholic, just a jerk.

I am now happily married, two beautiful children and have forgiven myself for doing something for a man.

What is stopping the guy from leaving anyway? Honestly, nothing.

As long as your daughters doctor knows about the Methadone it will be fine. She wouldn't be the first person on Methadone to have a baby. It's not ideal, but not the end of the world. Staying with that guy..now that would be the end of the world.
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Old 11-12-2008, 11:55 PM
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I'm so sorry Lobo. I can hear the worry in your words.

Just a brief (HA!) share if I may?

My now ex-husband demanded that I have an abortion. There were lots of other problems (duh!) but my having that abortion was the end of our marriage. I do live with some unanswered questions, but have learned to forgive the womanchild that was me.

At 27 I found out I was pregnant, but was in no position to raise a child, I couldn't even raise me! I had my little girl in April 1997 and her parents were there when she was born. Giving them the chance to be a family is one of the high points in my life. I knew then that was the right answer, and have never wavered one iota. The look of absolute bliss when they came to give me a ride home from the hospital is a memory I will treasure for ever.

At 38 I turned up pregnant AGAIN! Drugs and birth control are a bad combination for whatever it's worth... It's hard to remember your pills when you can't figure out what day it is.

I told my OB the truth , that I was dependent on oxy's (they were prescribed so it was a lot easier to be truthful about.) and his advice (just my experience, I am NOT a Dr) was to maintain my current level of usage until the 2nd trimester and keep slowly tapering until the 3rd tri. At that point I was to stop tapering and just maintain my using. It was explained to me that trying to quit opiates was risky in the first trimester and that w/d in the 3rd could trigger labour.

mind you I was a high risk patient that went on to have complications, so she definitely needs to follow her Dr's advice. She must be completely honest about her methadone use as well.

My son will be 2 in March and he was born dependent on opiates. The hospital staff knew that I was taking oxy's and so were prepared. It took about a week for him to detoxed and sent home with me. You better believe I was horrified and ashamed at the misery I put that little boy through.

As detoxes go he had an easy time of it, but STILL! I was so ashamed of my self. His father does come to see him, but I had to take him to court to get child support; which he rarely pays by the way. He's 50 years old, can you believe?

My my little guy is the absolute joy of my life!! I do not regret my choosing to raise him. I was so afraid that I would make a craptacular mess of child rearing. I am turning out to be good at it. Not perfect, but damn good at it. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep the lights on and keep us fed. I always have though. He gives me the courage to face my demons, he's the reason I tried rehab, and AA. My health will not let me stay off of opiates for long. Thanks to my son, I do not abuse them. I am more "here" than ever before. One other thing, because opiates (this includes methadone) is passed through breast milk I was advised not to breast feed once Sam was completely weaned off opiates. Again, I am not a Dr and you should check with a Dr to find out for sure.

Hopefully this is some help to your daughter. I have been there and I remember how terrified I was. Perhaps she turn this over to her HP?

Best wishes to both of you.
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Old 11-13-2008, 05:57 AM
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i am glad she is going to seek councilling. i am saying a prayer for your daughter that she makes the right decision. this is something that she alone should decide. i am glad she has a wonderful mom to help her thru this whatever her decision is.it is good to see you i just wish it was on better terms. let us know how she is. hugs & prayers,
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Old 11-13-2008, 09:38 PM
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Spititual,
I don't like that she is on methadone and I never did. However they don't recommend you going off of it when you are pregnant. In fact they increase the dose because of the pregnancy. I went with my daughter to the clinic and we talked with the nurse and she explained everything to both of us.

I hope all goes well.......so much to think about.
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Old 11-13-2008, 09:46 PM
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Chloes1,

Your story touched my heart............Thank you for sharing.
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Old 11-14-2008, 05:01 PM
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Lobo.....I have been a lurker on this site for a very long time and this is my first post because I read your story and could relate to it. My brother'ss girlfriend became pregnant 8 years ago while they were both using heroin. My father who was 75 at the time and who I have always known to be completely against abortion, actually gave her the money to have the abortion. He was terrified for the life that this child would have to lead. She took the money and went out on a huge drug binge with it.

She did get on methadone and my niece was born 5 weeks early and weighed 4 pounds. I will say that if your daughters counselor did not explain what it is like for a tiny infant to have to detox off of drugs, you should look into it. It is so sad and hard to watch. When they would come in and actually give her methadone orally, it broke my heart. They had to get her to a dose to calm her withdrawls and then wean her off of that which took about 2 1/2 weeks.

My parents have raised my niece since she was 10 months old (she is now 8) and her mother hasn't seen her in 4 years. Although we love her dearly, the start she had in life coupled with being abandoned by her mother leaves her a really rough road ahead.

Sounds like your daughters boyfriend isn't worth making any decisions for, but maybe his parents are scared for the life that their grandchild might have to endure. Just giving another perspective that might not have been considered.
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Old 11-14-2008, 06:29 PM
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Lobo,
Maybe you already know this, but I am expecting a grandbaby this Feb. or March, and it was quite unexpected. Didn't find out about the pregnancy until my AS's (age 35) GF (age 18 1/2) was over 4 months along. It is not the ideal situation, but who am I to judge? She wants the baby, he wants the baby. I already love the baby.

As for your daughter, she needs someone besides you, who will support her in all of this, and somehow "turd" guy, doesn't seem like the one...the worst part is, she has the baby, she gets to deal with "turd" guy for the next 18 or more years....

Another point, we get into thinking of the future, and it's all for naught, God seems to take care of all of it, without any of our assistance.

Don'y worry.
Baby's are a gift from God.
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Old 11-15-2008, 08:35 AM
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hisac,
The one good thing is that my daughter has not used heroin or other drugs for a very long time. She has been on methadone because she fell at work and the doc put her on vicodin and she couldn't get off of them. The doc at the clinic claims that most likely the baby will not be born addicted to methadone. He said they have many babies born to the girls at the clinic and 9 times out of 10 they are fine. They actually recommend staying on it during your pregnancy.

She will not have an abortion. Right now she seems to be taking charge of everything. Her bf is not an addict, just very immature.

Thanks for sharing your story.
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Old 11-15-2008, 08:43 AM
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Moose,
I didn't know you were going to be a grandma. I haven't been on here for quite some time. I know you love that baby already. That little life will be a blessing I'm sure of it.

So far turd guy has been here everyday and wants her to take the ring back that she threw at him. He still ignores the pregnancy though. Kind of like he is in denial. I told her that she would be connected to him for a lifetime because of the baby. She thinks he will eventually come around her way. I say, after he told her the baby or him, I don't trust anything he has to say. I can't even look at him when he is here. Actually I do look him in the eye but he can't look at me. We don't speak. I will not make waves only for my daughter's sake. She has enough to deal with without me getting into it with him right now. Everything I do, I do for her best interest only.

Blessings on you and your new little one to be.............Lo
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