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Trust Your Gut

Old 10-23-2008, 10:47 AM
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Trust Your Gut

As I've seen countless times, over & over - trust your gut feelings & instincts.

Well, I'm here to tell you TRUST YOUR GUT!!!

I will no longer be hanging around this board - and wanted to say thanks for the supportive words, stories and advice you all have shared directly & indirectly with me.

(final chapter of my story below if you care to know)

Shortly after my AGF "confessed" to me that she had an addiction (to oxy's) - there was a day where something didn't add up with what she said she did one day. I noticed an immediate change in our dynamic together. Said she had talked with her most recent ex who kept trying to get in touch with her - but, trusted her - and didn't think much of it. At first, I had to wonder - was I just being a codie? Was I subconsciously just suspicous of her now that I knew full well of her addiction? What was it?

A short time after - she tried a detox with me; was absolute hell to witness a someone you love go through something like that. And then - 2 days later - she needed "space". I figured it was the whole withdrawal thing messing with her mind & emotions.

Well - of course space lead to 3 weeks of little to know contact; the only contact being her all flipped out one day like a raving lunatic - all high on Lord knows what (she says she only drank that day - riiiiiight) - and her telling me that "I" and "this relationship" was "stressing her out.

I was patient - found this board - and it has helped, although I didn't heed others advice & run - and run fast. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. There were actually some really nice moments over the last week that made things promising to me.

NOT.

Turns out I learned that a truck that has been parked in front of her house is the ex boyfriend - who cussed her out in so many ways in the past, and even hit her a couple times. Once when she was 'late' and said "you're not going to have MY baby" and hit her in the stomach.

I never cussed her out. I never hit her (could never dream of doing something like that!). I was 'there' for her - and darnit - I'm a pretty stand up guy.

Got ignored last nite & this morning when we were supposed to have plans only to find out she spent the night at the ex's house. Of course I played it off when I talked to her like I knew nothing - and then let her have it in a stern, calm voice & demeanor.

What do I get from her? "That's none of your business". Right. Exactly.

Not anymore.

I finally got the big giant billboard I was looking for to sever the ties with this poor girl. Yeah - I love "her" - that's buried deep down inside - but that she choosed to keep hiddne 99% of the time. Always will. But I love myself and have way too much dignity to even fathom a friendship with someone who can lie - so quickly, so easily and without conscious day in & day out.

I'm sure the drug addictions (she does much more than just oxy's) are a factor - but, it's "no longer my business".

I'm a little angry - for ever feeling like a fool; for ever questioning myself - that I may have ever been anything but loving to this girl. I wasn't. Ever. And I'm not exaggerating. I treated her with respect, dignity, honesty, loyalty & care.

When one person tells you something about another person - ok - maybe it's just a false rumor. It's safe to disregard. When you hear the same things, from multiple people, including family - then believe it. I should've known better than to play with fire - cuz I just got burned big time.

At least I'm not sad anymore. At least the knot in my stomach is gone. At least I know I don't have to "wonder" anymore - about anything having to do with her. I know the anger will pass. I know I won't "mourn" this loss of her from my life again either. I just got so much of my life back. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to see what I saw - and learn what I learned.

I'm definitely stronger today because of it all

I hope you all either see the change you need your A's to make happen - or, at the very least - get the sign you need to know when enough is enough.

Peace.
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Old 10-23-2008, 10:56 AM
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Good for you! I really wonder though is it because your a man that you can walk away and be angry instead of hurt? Or is it because she burned you so bad and you have enough self respect to say to yourself that you dont deserve that kind of treatment? Any way is good. Atleast you saw it early and was able to beat feet. You should stay on the board so that you can help other people see it the way you did.
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Old 10-23-2008, 11:03 AM
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You're preaching to the choir here with this old gal!
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Old 10-23-2008, 11:05 AM
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Oh - I was hurt. I had been hurting plenty these last few weeks. And, I know better - that my anger, or my pain is just that - "mine". No one makes me hurt or makes me angry. That's me letting someone have a little power over me. So I had been struggling with why I was still feeling hurt - even though I knew better.

I don't know much about all the codie stuff people talk about on here - but I would venture to say I was a bit codependant in this relationship - which is why I did feel hurt up till now. I've done a lot of "work" on myself after learning about how to perform "personal growth" thanks to a wonderful woman I dated a couple years ago who was heavily into that. I got a lot out of it myself - and am kicking myself now for having gotten into this relationship when I saw the writing on the wall from day one.

Yes - it took a bit - but I am 100% positive that I don't deserve the kind of treatment I was allowing myself to be subjected to & I'm 100% positive that I was definitely having boundaries crossed & being treated very poorly. Just took me a bit to get to that 100% mark
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Old 10-23-2008, 12:28 PM
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You're right...you deserve SO much more than all of that.

And I guarantee you're going to find the right person for you...
(cause at least you now know, what constitutes a RED FLAG!)
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