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She's OK and she's NOT OK

Old 10-22-2008, 06:48 PM
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She's OK and she's NOT OK

I just wanted to share a recent insight I gained about my niece's addiction and the nasty aftermath.

For those that don't know - my niece is addicted to crystal meth. She was convicted of 2 big felony possession charges, got rehab, therapy, some time in work release, and then probation and this past August we found that she had been using all this time and also dealing. Anyway, now she's back in the workhouse only this time in straight time (7 months) and she'll need to re-do rehab, etc.

My insight...

I have been hoping, praying and doing what I can because I want my niece to be OK. And as I was praying for her last night, I realized that on one level she is OK...

She has a roof over her head (albeit the workhouse), 3 meals, services (counseling, AA meetings, education and the even have entertainment there on occassion) and a loving family.

At the very same time she is not OK. I can tell that the meth has really impacted her thinking. She makes odd connections that don't make sense, she's convinced herself that she didn't get "justice", even thought she's 100% guilty of her crimes, she has a nitwit boyfriend who is also a user and a criminal and she has the usual pride and bravado that accompany addiction.

And what this means to me is - in the ways that she can be helped from the outside, her HP has provided for her (the part that is OK). In the ways that she has to contribute to her own recovery, she's not OK - but no one can change that but her. And thank God she's in jail where she can't use!

So - I guess it just all adds up to I never had any control even when I thought I did and that I can let go and trust her HP. I love her and go see her from time to time, but I know that while I have a small part in her recovery, it's not up to me. A relief and a sadness at the same time.

Thanks for listening....I guess I'll just keep praying
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Old 10-22-2008, 10:38 PM
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(((TD)))

Adding my prayers that she gets to the point where she WANTS recovery. Also sending you hugs and prayers, because I know this is hard on you.

Amy
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Old 10-23-2008, 03:43 AM
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Knowing we are powerless is like a double-edged sword. On the one side it can feel really uncomfortable and painful. Yet on the other it can be really freeing to realize that we can continue on with our life, our choices because we never had control in the first place. Your niece can recover, but like you said, she is the one that has to face herself. Hugs, Marle
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Old 10-23-2008, 04:05 AM
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At the very same time she is not OK. I can tell that the meth has really impacted her thinking.

My husband becomes a completely different person when he uses crack, and after each relapse it took about a year before he came back to who he was.
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Old 10-23-2008, 06:27 AM
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an addict is about blame. they blame anything & everything. she thinks she did not get justice because she wants to b on the outside doing "her thing". in my opinion she is not ready to stop using. i hope something in there will get her attention. remember the 3c's
you did not CAUSE it,you can not CONTROL it & you can not CURE it. you are powerless when it comes to addiction. prayers for you & your niece.
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Old 10-23-2008, 06:31 AM
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Adding my thoughts and best wishes for you and your niece. It's such a painful road for us as well as them.
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Old 10-23-2008, 01:00 PM
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Thanks to all

Hope123 - I agree. I can tell she'd use again in a second right now. While she says she's reading the bible, etc., I don't see the self - awareness and humility that is critical to getting sober. I am praying that somehow, some way the system will keep her "tied up" for a year, or however long it takes for her to come to her senses.

She's in for a total of 7 months, then 1 month rehab and then her p.o. tells me they'll want her in a half way house. She thinks she's going to marry the nitwit drug addict boyfriend and have a house, picket fence and 2.5 kids. So, I can tell that it's 99.999% delusion and .001% reality at best.

I've thought about writing a letter to her judge and/or p.o. but when I think of doing this, it just seems like more controlling. I think I need to practice relying on hers and my HP - it's been our HP that has done everything useful so far and so far everything I've done has been a waste at best and often made things worse.

Thanks for pointing this out to me to increase my awareness of it.

Thanks all for being there...
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