As I've seen countless times, over & over - trust your gut feelings & instincts.
Well, I'm here to tell you TRUST YOUR GUT!!!
I will no longer be hanging around this board - and wanted to say thanks for the supportive words, stories and advice you all have shared directly & indirectly with me.
(final chapter of my story below if you care to know)
Shortly after my AGF "confessed" to me that she had an addiction (to oxy's) - there was a day where something didn't add up with what she said she did one day. I noticed an immediate change in our dynamic together. Said she had talked with her most recent ex who kept trying to get in touch with her - but, trusted her - and didn't think much of it. At first, I had to wonder - was I just being a codie? Was I subconsciously just suspicous of her now that I knew full well of her addiction? What was it?
A short time after - she tried a detox with me; was absolute hell to witness a someone you love go through something like that. And then - 2 days later - she needed "space". I figured it was the whole withdrawal thing messing with her mind & emotions.
Well - of course space lead to 3 weeks of little to know contact; the only contact being her all flipped out one day like a raving lunatic - all high on Lord knows what (she says she only drank that day - riiiiiight) - and her telling me that "I" and "this relationship" was "stressing her out.
I was patient - found this board - and it has helped, although I didn't heed others advice & run - and run fast. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. There were actually some really nice moments over the last week that made things promising to me.
NOT.
Turns out I learned that a truck that has been parked in front of her house is the ex boyfriend - who cussed her out in so many ways in the past, and even hit her a couple times. Once when she was 'late' and said "you're not going to have MY baby" and hit her in the stomach.
I never cussed her out. I never hit her (could never dream of doing something like that!). I was 'there' for her - and darnit - I'm a pretty stand up guy.
Got ignored last nite & this morning when we were supposed to have plans only to find out she spent the night at the ex's house. Of course I played it off when I talked to her like I knew nothing - and then let her have it in a stern, calm voice & demeanor.
What do I get from her? "That's none of your business". Right. Exactly.
Not anymore.
I finally got the big giant billboard I was looking for to sever the ties with this poor girl. Yeah - I love "her" - that's buried deep down inside - but that she choosed to keep hiddne 99% of the time. Always will. But I love myself and have way too much dignity to even fathom a friendship with someone who can lie - so quickly, so easily and without conscious day in & day out.
I'm sure the drug addictions (she does much more than just oxy's) are a factor - but, it's "no longer my business".
I'm a little angry - for ever feeling like a fool; for ever questioning myself - that I may have ever been anything but loving to this girl. I wasn't. Ever. And I'm not exaggerating. I treated her with respect, dignity, honesty, loyalty & care.
When one person tells you something about another person - ok - maybe it's just a false rumor. It's safe to disregard. When you hear the same things, from multiple people, including family - then believe it. I should've known better than to play with fire - cuz I just got burned big time.
At least I'm not sad anymore. At least the knot in my stomach is gone. At least I know I don't have to "wonder" anymore - about anything having to do with her. I know the anger will pass. I know I won't "mourn" this loss of her from my life again either. I just got so much of my life back. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to see what I saw - and learn what I learned.
I'm definitely stronger today because of it all
I hope you all either see the change you need your A's to make happen - or, at the very least - get the sign you need to know when enough is enough.
Peace.