Daughter walked away today

Old 08-24-2008, 10:34 AM
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Daughter walked away today

Well 90 days clean and she walked out of the house today. Made a call (I think to the ex-abf) and she walked away. But first she made a big scene. I kept my cool. Begged a little and then realized that it made absolutely no difference. I think it has been coming for the last couple of weeks. Recovery slacking off. Friday night she was a little late coming home and when I questioned her about it (was she really working that late or not) she used that as an excuse to tell me that she can't stand living here, I don't trust her....quack, quack, quack. So I guess that she really wasn't ready and we learned a lesson. I am heartbroken but will get over it with time. Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-24-2008, 10:38 AM
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**{Marle & Fam}}

I am glad she has gotten these 90 days under her belt, whatever her choices are now, she will still have them and be able to draw from then when she is ready if it's not right now...

I am glad you sound okay also, I can not even imagine how hard the ups and downs of recovery must be to watch......

Much love & light to you and hubby..
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Old 08-24-2008, 10:42 AM
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90 days of clean time is not a total waste.

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Old 08-24-2008, 10:53 AM
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oh Marle....
be gentle, stay strong...and know that many seeds were planted in 90 days....
my heart and prayers are with you both....grateful
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Old 08-24-2008, 10:54 AM
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I'm so sorry Marle - keep your composure and put all that you've learned here to work. 90 days is a long time and some "normalcy" that she can come back to in her mind at least. I'm so sorry, you are such a strong person to have made it this far. Prayers for your family and your daughter.
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Old 08-24-2008, 11:09 AM
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Awe, Marle...(((hugs)). It was a step in the right direction. When she's ready to try again she can use what she's learned so far from her 90 days. It sounds like unill the last couple weeks you guys had some nice times while she was clean. Her HP might have another lesson for her? Keep working on you. Keeping you both in my thoughts & prayers.
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Old 08-24-2008, 11:16 AM
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Marle, hugs and prayers for you and your family. I'm sorry she wasn't able to overcome her struggles these past couple of weeks. But she has had a taste of life without drugs and the insanity again. I pray that she can think of this and realize that being "out there" is not what she wants -- very soon. Keep taking care of you and hubby -- I know you will.
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Old 08-24-2008, 11:24 AM
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I have no words- just i'm sorry for this sadness.
Will say a prayer for you and your family.
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Old 08-24-2008, 12:13 PM
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My entire soul understands where you are right now. I never did like roller coasters, anyway.

But, truly, 90 days is 90 days and none of us can know what she gleaned from that time.

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Old 08-24-2008, 12:47 PM
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I'm thinking this is deja vu.

About this time 5 years ago I went through the same thing in my house. RAD was living at home and was working, trying to stay clean and sober. I'd been going to Al Anon long enough to know to keep my mouth shut, but I'd slip up every now and then. (I know you can't believe that. )

Her behavior and attitude were slipping, and in my gut I knew things weren't going well. So one Sunday a.m. after her dad went to wake her up to go to church, she just went off on us....caused the big scene like you spoke of. It went from bad to worse with her telling us she just couldn't live in our house anymore if we were going to treat her that way. (I guess waking someone up is classified as cruelty to children or something.)

She announced she HAD to leave and began packing everything she owned, including all her winter sweaters which I now find quite amusing since it was the dead of summer and we live in the south where it wasn't going to be cold for many months. Guess she was planning on staying gone forever in her mind.

Thank God, husband and I had enough recovery under our belt to say, "Well, do what you have to do." Husband lost it for a minute, feeling guilty, and I quickly reminded him that this was her choice and she basically had it made in the shade at our house...roof over her head, meals, car. We just wanted her to go to work and do recovery. (I demanding of us.)

She left...stormed out...acting as if we were the worst parents in the world. Left with all her sweaters and no shoes. Sorry, I can't help but chuckle at that one, too. She had NO money, NO job, NO gas in her car and NOWHERE to go that I knew of. I was scared for her and us because if something happened to her I was going to hurt for her and I, myself, would be hurting, too.

Again, thank God for recovery. In a few days she called, saying, "For God's sake, can't you just help your daughter!" Interpreted meant, "Give me money." I dug into my recovery toolbelt real quick like and came up with the statement, "Honey, daddy and I are always willing to do what we think is in your best interest and we just don't think giving you money is in your best interest right now." Silence on the other end.

In a couple of weeks she called, telling me she needed help, needed to go inpatient somewhere because she knew she couldn't do it on her own. And she did go inpatient and that was the beginning of her serious recovery.

Marle, you show such recovery already, but just in case doubt is creeping in, just remember that your HP can use what seems to be a bad decision or situation for good. My HP has shown me, on more than one occasion, that He is in control even when my human eyes see nothing but bad.

Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter,
Hangin' In
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Old 08-24-2008, 01:03 PM
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another thing that I was thinking here. I don't know if this is your AD's first recovery or not. But for my AH - this is his FOURTH - if you recall he was just recently kicked out of rehab for using. His A most likely has spanned the last 10 +- years. It almost seems that RA's need to dip their toes back in just to test the waters. Like they think they can "recreationally" use. I don't know - I'm just 2 months into this site, but it seems that relapses are VERY common. It seems RA's just don't seem to "get it" the first or second time around. Hugs to you - you are a GREAT mom and your dd is lucky to have you - even if she doesn't realize it in this moment.
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Old 08-24-2008, 01:26 PM
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No words, just a great big hug from my heart to yours.
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Old 08-24-2008, 01:30 PM
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I have been reading your posts for some time now, and I rejoiced with you and now I am sad with you. Like everyone has said, that 90 days means something and she will have that to compare with whatever she may be doing now. It may be that she forgot how awful that life can be and once she gets another taste of it, she'll realize that she's much better off far away from it. I'm praying that she'll be back with you soon, with a new determination to stay clean. :praying
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