Possible reconciliation w/Addict
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He was doing well, taking his meds as prescribed
I'm so bummed that you don't see this.
Just know that we all care here and that you can come here and vent anytime. :-)
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He doesn't have to lay any guilt trips on me. I'm very capable of booking my own guilt trips - not just about him, about everything. Every decision I've ever made in life and stemmed around guilt. I don't know why. I am going to find out though.
The VA doctor's kept him on the pain meds even when the detox doctor's said get off of them. The VA docs said, wait, we want to try to do something for him to eventually get him off the pain meds and into pain management. The key word there is "wait". They waited 2 months too long.
He would have to detox off the pain meds even taken as prescribed. Opiates are highly addictive. The day of herion use, if it truly was one day - a subject I hate to know the answer to - just added insult to injury. When he was ordered out of the house, he was starting to slip and abuse again. Once out of the house, he and God only knows what he really did. Some questions are too painful to know the answers to. I've accused, I haven't inquired.
The VA doctor's kept him on the pain meds even when the detox doctor's said get off of them. The VA docs said, wait, we want to try to do something for him to eventually get him off the pain meds and into pain management. The key word there is "wait". They waited 2 months too long.
He would have to detox off the pain meds even taken as prescribed. Opiates are highly addictive. The day of herion use, if it truly was one day - a subject I hate to know the answer to - just added insult to injury. When he was ordered out of the house, he was starting to slip and abuse again. Once out of the house, he and God only knows what he really did. Some questions are too painful to know the answers to. I've accused, I haven't inquired.
Last edited by MrsMagoo; 02-25-2008 at 01:43 PM. Reason: addition
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He is not homeless. The hotel is giving him a discount. He sounded so good today.
He went to social services and sat for two hours today only to be told he doesn't qualify for anything. His mentor has not called him back yet but apprarently when I called her the day I found the spoon and baggie, she jumped on the phone and cussed him and demanded that he check into detox immediately. He was high. He ignored her.
He went down to the beach today and meditated for about 2 good hours. He used to do that when we met and he was in such a good place back then. Also, he is considering methadone. Now as a substance abuse counselor, he knows methadone has it's uses and serves a purpose. He also knows that last time he took it (10 years ago) he got just as much as he could. He says he realizes that he doesn't need 180 mg. cause it is equally hard to get off of but feels he needs it to feel normal. He is still not using. He can't afford suboxone and sub has no pain killing property whereas methadone does.
What do ya'll think about that? Isn't that just trading one addiction for another? He's worked in several methodone clinics since we met. He loved the work but hated the racket. Most clinics want people on it forever and the highest doses possible. It's a cash cow. There is a demand. He believes it serves a purpose but it's not a lifetime answer.
Other shocker, my son answered the phone when AH called. He overheard me asking him where he was going to stay tonight and was he going to sleep in his truck. Son chimed in and said "Mom, John shouldn't be sleeping in his truck, tell him he can stay here. It's not like he doesn't have a home". We both said thanks, that was very thoughtful and caring but no thanks. It was a sweet gesture and a mighty big step for him after our long conversation last night about him wanting to live with his dad. This is desire to live with his dad is actually nothing new, it is often what boys want and I always thought that maybe once he was old enough, he could. This might be the time and just don't like the possible catalyst behind it. His dad is getting ready to move in his his brother (who is cool) into a very cool apartment where my son would have a LOFT as a room. It has a spiral staircase leading up to it so I think that is very enticing to him. If I were 12 going on 13, it would be for me.
Nyte, you are right (what? Amazing!). He is putting some stuff off. He says he's afraid which sounds foreign cause he's "Rambo" to me. It's hard for me to wrap my head around this man being afraid of anything.
Ya'll are wonderful. Thank you for keeping it real for me and keeping me pretty grounded through this. Hell, I would have had all his bills paid and a red carpet rolled out for now if it wasn't for you guys! Progress? Just a little bit? :horse
He went to social services and sat for two hours today only to be told he doesn't qualify for anything. His mentor has not called him back yet but apprarently when I called her the day I found the spoon and baggie, she jumped on the phone and cussed him and demanded that he check into detox immediately. He was high. He ignored her.
He went down to the beach today and meditated for about 2 good hours. He used to do that when we met and he was in such a good place back then. Also, he is considering methadone. Now as a substance abuse counselor, he knows methadone has it's uses and serves a purpose. He also knows that last time he took it (10 years ago) he got just as much as he could. He says he realizes that he doesn't need 180 mg. cause it is equally hard to get off of but feels he needs it to feel normal. He is still not using. He can't afford suboxone and sub has no pain killing property whereas methadone does.
What do ya'll think about that? Isn't that just trading one addiction for another? He's worked in several methodone clinics since we met. He loved the work but hated the racket. Most clinics want people on it forever and the highest doses possible. It's a cash cow. There is a demand. He believes it serves a purpose but it's not a lifetime answer.
Other shocker, my son answered the phone when AH called. He overheard me asking him where he was going to stay tonight and was he going to sleep in his truck. Son chimed in and said "Mom, John shouldn't be sleeping in his truck, tell him he can stay here. It's not like he doesn't have a home". We both said thanks, that was very thoughtful and caring but no thanks. It was a sweet gesture and a mighty big step for him after our long conversation last night about him wanting to live with his dad. This is desire to live with his dad is actually nothing new, it is often what boys want and I always thought that maybe once he was old enough, he could. This might be the time and just don't like the possible catalyst behind it. His dad is getting ready to move in his his brother (who is cool) into a very cool apartment where my son would have a LOFT as a room. It has a spiral staircase leading up to it so I think that is very enticing to him. If I were 12 going on 13, it would be for me.
Nyte, you are right (what? Amazing!). He is putting some stuff off. He says he's afraid which sounds foreign cause he's "Rambo" to me. It's hard for me to wrap my head around this man being afraid of anything.
Ya'll are wonderful. Thank you for keeping it real for me and keeping me pretty grounded through this. Hell, I would have had all his bills paid and a red carpet rolled out for now if it wasn't for you guys! Progress? Just a little bit? :horse
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Here is the catch 22 to a methadone program - you have to have opiates in your system. Not by state law. By state law, you only have to say you've been using opiates for a year but the clinics here in town with the exception of the one he worked at out of town, want you to test positive which is such crap. In my eyes, it presents a problem.....
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(((((MrsMagoo))))
I've been following this thread for its duration.
I can count on one hand the amount of times you've talked about you...and still have fingers left.
This is his to own. He's a counselor, he knows what he needs to do.
(((Hugs)))
I've been following this thread for its duration.
I can count on one hand the amount of times you've talked about you...and still have fingers left.
This is his to own. He's a counselor, he knows what he needs to do.
(((Hugs)))
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Other shocker, my son answered the phone when AH called. He overheard me asking him where he was going to stay tonight and was he going to sleep in his truck. Son chimed in and said "Mom, John shouldn't be sleeping in his truck, tell him he can stay here. It's not like he doesn't have a home". We both said thanks, that was very thoughtful and caring but no thanks. It was a sweet gesture and a mighty big step for him after our long conversation last night about him wanting to live with his dad. This is desire to live with his dad is actually nothing new, it is often what boys want and I always thought that maybe once he was old enough, he could. This might be the time and just don't like the possible catalyst behind it. His dad is getting ready to move in his his brother (who is cool) into a very cool apartment where my son would have a LOFT as a room. It has a spiral staircase leading up to it so I think that is very enticing to him. If I were 12 going on 13, it would be for me.
I hope you are not manipulating the situation with your son to get him out of the picture so you can fix, mend and repair this man.
It's your child that needs mending and understanding and security right now, not the addict.
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Mrs. Magoo. Is your husband violating a no-contact order when he calls you?
This is not about spiral stair cases. This is about drug addiction and custody of your children. Think very carefully about your choices. You are setting the stage for the future of your kids here.
I really think you should stop taking his calls if there is an order in place.
This is not about spiral stair cases. This is about drug addiction and custody of your children. Think very carefully about your choices. You are setting the stage for the future of your kids here.
I really think you should stop taking his calls if there is an order in place.
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My Goodness! Ya'll are a tough audience!
I am working on me. I see a therapist every week and we work on me. I try not to talk about AH except as to what is happening and how it effects me. I am psychological mess. I make excuses for AH, I live in a fantasy world that includes a happily ever after, yes, with the husband, the husband that's clean and like he was when I met him which actually wasn't too long ago. I believe that the vows we took should be honored and that divorce is too easy. I believe that I have a big part in all this, that we rushed things and now we have a daughter to raise. I've been a single parent. I didn't like it. I overindulged my oldest daughter cause I was trying to make up for the fact that she didn't have two parents. Everything I do is out of guilt. I worry about everybody's feelings but my own and I would sacrifice my last dollar to help someone who needed it even if they didn't need it more than me.
I hate that this is happening. I hate that I have to even wonder if I made a mistake by marrying and pro-creating with this man. I hate that his addiction has become my own addiction and that I have to spend hours in therapy, Al-Anon meetings and on SR. I shouldn't know this website exists. I shouldn't know about methadone or heroin or syringes or co-dependency or enabling.
I have always been a strong, independent woman who never needed a man except to warm my bed at night and that was only when and if I decided that is where they were to be. I have become dependant on my husband, for self-worth, validation, decision making, companionship and a whole host of other things. He still complains that I don't include him in decision making or family issues - I've been doing it alone for as long as I can remember, it's hard to remember to include him, especially when he worked from 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. every night and wasn't home or available because he was in groups to discuss things with. I'm torn. I don't know what was too much and what was not enough.
I am passive-agressive. I drop hints, whine, bitch a little, moan a little and when no results are acheived, I go Tazmanian Devil and destroy anything and everything I can get my hands on. It doesn't matter if it's yours, mine or ours. It doesn't matter who sees it or who gets in the way. It's becoming more and more frequent so I've turned to the Bible for guidance, to the church for fellowship and to God for comfort and peace and to SR for compassion and wisdom.
I am working on me. I see a therapist every week and we work on me. I try not to talk about AH except as to what is happening and how it effects me. I am psychological mess. I make excuses for AH, I live in a fantasy world that includes a happily ever after, yes, with the husband, the husband that's clean and like he was when I met him which actually wasn't too long ago. I believe that the vows we took should be honored and that divorce is too easy. I believe that I have a big part in all this, that we rushed things and now we have a daughter to raise. I've been a single parent. I didn't like it. I overindulged my oldest daughter cause I was trying to make up for the fact that she didn't have two parents. Everything I do is out of guilt. I worry about everybody's feelings but my own and I would sacrifice my last dollar to help someone who needed it even if they didn't need it more than me.
I hate that this is happening. I hate that I have to even wonder if I made a mistake by marrying and pro-creating with this man. I hate that his addiction has become my own addiction and that I have to spend hours in therapy, Al-Anon meetings and on SR. I shouldn't know this website exists. I shouldn't know about methadone or heroin or syringes or co-dependency or enabling.
I have always been a strong, independent woman who never needed a man except to warm my bed at night and that was only when and if I decided that is where they were to be. I have become dependant on my husband, for self-worth, validation, decision making, companionship and a whole host of other things. He still complains that I don't include him in decision making or family issues - I've been doing it alone for as long as I can remember, it's hard to remember to include him, especially when he worked from 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. every night and wasn't home or available because he was in groups to discuss things with. I'm torn. I don't know what was too much and what was not enough.
I am passive-agressive. I drop hints, whine, bitch a little, moan a little and when no results are acheived, I go Tazmanian Devil and destroy anything and everything I can get my hands on. It doesn't matter if it's yours, mine or ours. It doesn't matter who sees it or who gets in the way. It's becoming more and more frequent so I've turned to the Bible for guidance, to the church for fellowship and to God for comfort and peace and to SR for compassion and wisdom.
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Mrs. Magoo...
I say this with love in my heart. I really do.
You are pitting your AH against your 12 year old son. Does your son know that he is your first priority? Does he know it by your actions? My heart hurts to think that a 12 year old child is placed in a position where he is blamed for the break up of his mother's marriage but for all practical purposes, this is just where your son finds himself. He can either learn to accept the insanity that comes with active addiction (because it is STILL very much a part of his life even with your AH out of the home) or he can set off for greener pastures with his dad. If this were just a case of living with "uncool mom" or "cool dad" in a loft apartment, that is one thing...but don't you think there's alot more going on thru this boys head and heart than that? Only you know the answer to that question...I just pose it as something for you to consider.
Your son needs to know that he comes first. Does he? I hope he does...I really do.
I say this with love in my heart. I really do.
You are pitting your AH against your 12 year old son. Does your son know that he is your first priority? Does he know it by your actions? My heart hurts to think that a 12 year old child is placed in a position where he is blamed for the break up of his mother's marriage but for all practical purposes, this is just where your son finds himself. He can either learn to accept the insanity that comes with active addiction (because it is STILL very much a part of his life even with your AH out of the home) or he can set off for greener pastures with his dad. If this were just a case of living with "uncool mom" or "cool dad" in a loft apartment, that is one thing...but don't you think there's alot more going on thru this boys head and heart than that? Only you know the answer to that question...I just pose it as something for you to consider.
Your son needs to know that he comes first. Does he? I hope he does...I really do.
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God bless. At least you know what your issues are! :-) I say that with a smile in my heart. You are probably harder on yourself than anybody else. Try to be nice to you ok! Anytime you think a negative thought about yourself, then punish yourself by thinking 10 positive thoughts about yourself! That's just what works for me, and now, I think a lot more positive and a lot less negative. It's learned behavior.
I'm glad to hear that you are just bitchin' and moanin'. :-) We all need an outlet. But seriously, did I misread something or is his violating a no-contact?
I'm glad to hear that you are just bitchin' and moanin'. :-) We all need an outlet. But seriously, did I misread something or is his violating a no-contact?
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I violated the no-contact. The no-contact was against me for simple assault against him. I contacted him. I am the one who will go to jail if it ever comes to light. We are working on getting a judge to set it aside because there are true issues that we need to discuss - bills for example. We go to court on Monday for child support and custody mediation.
We didn't split up because he's addicted to opiates. We split up because I went ape-**** on him and the police, went to jail and a no-contact order was entered. It's forced seperation by the courts, which I can live with. It has done us as much good as it has bad. It's made us take a look at what's important.
My son knows he is my heart. He also knows that just like he has a daddy, my daughter deserves a daddy. He knows that I want him home with me and his sister (and eventually his other sister when she comes back from college) but he has ALWAYS wanted to live with his dad. I have never been enough fun because I make him shower, do homework, clean up after himself, do chores, put his dishes in the dishwasher and turn off the TV at bedtime. His dad has him EVERY weekend and they do fun stuff that because I don't have him, I can't do with him. Being a Sunday night through Friday afternoon mom doesn't allow for many good times. It makes me the bad guy, the discipilinarian, the heavy.
I have always told him that once he got old enough I would consider letting him live with his father. It bought me time. He didn't forget. I've always been able to say "your father doesn't even have a bedroom, or a bed for that matter for you". Looks like he's getting ready to get one. I can argue but is that going to make him love me more? Do I think his dad can handle having a 12 year old? Maybe if he works out his work schedule vs. transportation to/from school. I don't think he can afford to raise a child but since he's going to have a roommate, it might free up some cash flow for him. His father and I get along great so it's not like I wouldn't have free access to my son like I've given him over the years. This is not about AH necessarily. I think the timing sucks or maybe the timing set the wheels to turning again but this is not something new and it makes me feel bad that your turning it into a choice between my child and husband - both of whom I love. It's just timing. This was set into motion before I even met my husband.
My husband is a hardworking, professional good man with a problem. I have problems too and would hate to know that he would walk away from me when we got married for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. When the dog ripped off my upper lip when I was pregnant, he didn't run for the hills cause I lost my smile and look like I've had a clef palet. He stuck by me and tended to that wound through all the surgeries and would kiss me full on the mouth, stitches, ooz, ointments and all and tell me I was beautiful when everybody else gawked. My kids wouldn't kiss me but that man made a point of kissing me every chance he got
We didn't split up because he's addicted to opiates. We split up because I went ape-**** on him and the police, went to jail and a no-contact order was entered. It's forced seperation by the courts, which I can live with. It has done us as much good as it has bad. It's made us take a look at what's important.
My son knows he is my heart. He also knows that just like he has a daddy, my daughter deserves a daddy. He knows that I want him home with me and his sister (and eventually his other sister when she comes back from college) but he has ALWAYS wanted to live with his dad. I have never been enough fun because I make him shower, do homework, clean up after himself, do chores, put his dishes in the dishwasher and turn off the TV at bedtime. His dad has him EVERY weekend and they do fun stuff that because I don't have him, I can't do with him. Being a Sunday night through Friday afternoon mom doesn't allow for many good times. It makes me the bad guy, the discipilinarian, the heavy.
I have always told him that once he got old enough I would consider letting him live with his father. It bought me time. He didn't forget. I've always been able to say "your father doesn't even have a bedroom, or a bed for that matter for you". Looks like he's getting ready to get one. I can argue but is that going to make him love me more? Do I think his dad can handle having a 12 year old? Maybe if he works out his work schedule vs. transportation to/from school. I don't think he can afford to raise a child but since he's going to have a roommate, it might free up some cash flow for him. His father and I get along great so it's not like I wouldn't have free access to my son like I've given him over the years. This is not about AH necessarily. I think the timing sucks or maybe the timing set the wheels to turning again but this is not something new and it makes me feel bad that your turning it into a choice between my child and husband - both of whom I love. It's just timing. This was set into motion before I even met my husband.
My husband is a hardworking, professional good man with a problem. I have problems too and would hate to know that he would walk away from me when we got married for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. When the dog ripped off my upper lip when I was pregnant, he didn't run for the hills cause I lost my smile and look like I've had a clef palet. He stuck by me and tended to that wound through all the surgeries and would kiss me full on the mouth, stitches, ooz, ointments and all and tell me I was beautiful when everybody else gawked. My kids wouldn't kiss me but that man made a point of kissing me every chance he got
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ok. Now you need to say 10,000 NICE things about yourself. And stop violating the no-contact order. It'll be removed soon enough. For better or worse... :-) You went ape sh$%$ for a reason. What was that reason?!
BTW, not trying to make you feel bad. Trying to help you step back and take a look at the situation with clean eyes and a different perspective.
BTW, not trying to make you feel bad. Trying to help you step back and take a look at the situation with clean eyes and a different perspective.
Last edited by hello-kitty; 02-26-2008 at 11:05 AM. Reason: add text
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my heart is with you, mrsmagoo, learning along with you and loving you in your vulnerability and your deep desire to do the right thing.
if you can, let things settle for a couple of months. let the addict work solely on his recovery, let your son continue life in the home he knows with the mom he loves--with fun weekends with dad--let your baby girl bloom.
keep things as simple as you can, make no irrevocable decisions regarding the long term, and continue to seek support from others while your head clears.
much love your way.
if you can, let things settle for a couple of months. let the addict work solely on his recovery, let your son continue life in the home he knows with the mom he loves--with fun weekends with dad--let your baby girl bloom.
keep things as simple as you can, make no irrevocable decisions regarding the long term, and continue to seek support from others while your head clears.
much love your way.
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Mrs Magoo,
I am were you are today. He is my XAH but he has been clean for awhile. He is a controlled enviroment right now. I was told once you have to let the addict go, that does not mean that you do not love him any less. It just means you what him to fix himself and you to fix yourself.
The last time my xah was arrested in my apartment(only one on the lease) they said they would of took me, but because I had a child they decided against it. I was told the next time they would call Child Services on me.
I almost lost the one thing that was more important then myself that is my kids.
So please think very hard about letting him back in your place.
If you love something set it free
If it comes back it was meant to be.
Put your family first!!
I am were you are today. He is my XAH but he has been clean for awhile. He is a controlled enviroment right now. I was told once you have to let the addict go, that does not mean that you do not love him any less. It just means you what him to fix himself and you to fix yourself.
The last time my xah was arrested in my apartment(only one on the lease) they said they would of took me, but because I had a child they decided against it. I was told the next time they would call Child Services on me.
I almost lost the one thing that was more important then myself that is my kids.
So please think very hard about letting him back in your place.
If you love something set it free
If it comes back it was meant to be.
Put your family first!!
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Mrs Magoo,
I'm sorry you have this problem. I just got done reading the about the no contact order. My question to you is did you like jail that much that you want to go back.
Have you asked you son why he wants to live with his father? Does he know that his stepfather is an addict? Does your ex know that you had and addict living in your house with his son?
You say that your son wants to live with dad because he is fun. Well guess what they grow up and do not think the parent that gave them the disapline are that bad, make of fact he will thank you one day.
YOu may be asking because I am a single parent that had no choice but to be both parents to my now 20 year old. Guess what he did not like me much when he was that age. He use to call me the mean one. He would talk to his father on the phone, but that is about it. He know tells me he knows how he wants to raise his children when he has them. Because of my toughness he now goes to college full time and works full time, even helps me out with the bills sometimes. He told me he hated me making him do his homework (which I still do and he is 20).
But with the ah do not let him back in the house until you get the no contact order taken care of.
I'm sorry you have this problem. I just got done reading the about the no contact order. My question to you is did you like jail that much that you want to go back.
Have you asked you son why he wants to live with his father? Does he know that his stepfather is an addict? Does your ex know that you had and addict living in your house with his son?
You say that your son wants to live with dad because he is fun. Well guess what they grow up and do not think the parent that gave them the disapline are that bad, make of fact he will thank you one day.
YOu may be asking because I am a single parent that had no choice but to be both parents to my now 20 year old. Guess what he did not like me much when he was that age. He use to call me the mean one. He would talk to his father on the phone, but that is about it. He know tells me he knows how he wants to raise his children when he has them. Because of my toughness he now goes to college full time and works full time, even helps me out with the bills sometimes. He told me he hated me making him do his homework (which I still do and he is 20).
But with the ah do not let him back in the house until you get the no contact order taken care of.
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MrsMagoo, I think your husband had already relapsed or was on his way to a relapse whether you went crazy on him or not. You just dont turn to heroin cause you got in a fight with your wife. Sorry that excuse doesnt fly, maybe cause I am/was a opiate addict. We have a book of excuses and will use whichever one will take the pressure OFF on us and back on to the enabler, co dependent, the one we can manipulate.
Also as for your son I am a child whos mother always in my child mind sided with her husband, felt it would be better if I lived with my father. I was the cause of the fights and if I wasnt around they would be one big happy family. My dad was a weekend dad and couldnt handle me full time so shipped me back to my mom, it really hurt I felt like I was the one ruining their lives. Then they worked out where I lived with my dad during the summertime and my mom during the school year. Maybe discuss with your son that even if he lives with his father his step dad will not be allowed home til he is better and stable. Let him know nothing will change if he leaves and NONE of this is his fault. Maybe discuss with him about living with his dad for the summer and give it a trial run. THen go from there. That way it just doesnt look like its "OK" with you for him to move out cause u have more important things to focus on. Thats just how a 12yr old sees it, not that its the case.
I wish you much luck with your relationship with your son and your husband, I also agree actions speak louder than words. I also dont think he needs methadone or sub if he has detoxed and will be taking other steps to stay clean. The point of those drugs in the most part is to help u detox which is probably why u have to be using to get methadone.
Also research Suboxone. My friend was put on it my her primary Dr for "PAIN" mgt. The problem with the sub is if u use you get violently ill sends u into instant withdrawls and also blocks the opiates from working. Which I am pretty sure you husband knows. With the methadone u can still use and not get sick. So do your research and educate yourself and work on yourself which I can see your doing.
Also as for your son I am a child whos mother always in my child mind sided with her husband, felt it would be better if I lived with my father. I was the cause of the fights and if I wasnt around they would be one big happy family. My dad was a weekend dad and couldnt handle me full time so shipped me back to my mom, it really hurt I felt like I was the one ruining their lives. Then they worked out where I lived with my dad during the summertime and my mom during the school year. Maybe discuss with your son that even if he lives with his father his step dad will not be allowed home til he is better and stable. Let him know nothing will change if he leaves and NONE of this is his fault. Maybe discuss with him about living with his dad for the summer and give it a trial run. THen go from there. That way it just doesnt look like its "OK" with you for him to move out cause u have more important things to focus on. Thats just how a 12yr old sees it, not that its the case.
I wish you much luck with your relationship with your son and your husband, I also agree actions speak louder than words. I also dont think he needs methadone or sub if he has detoxed and will be taking other steps to stay clean. The point of those drugs in the most part is to help u detox which is probably why u have to be using to get methadone.
Also research Suboxone. My friend was put on it my her primary Dr for "PAIN" mgt. The problem with the sub is if u use you get violently ill sends u into instant withdrawls and also blocks the opiates from working. Which I am pretty sure you husband knows. With the methadone u can still use and not get sick. So do your research and educate yourself and work on yourself which I can see your doing.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
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Yes, husband used the situation to relapse. What else did he have to loose?
I like the idea of not letting son move in with dad until the summer. It's right around the corner after all.
I barely know what to say. I'm sorta burned out from the previous posts and the responses - plus it's been a very emotional day at work. It seems I can't do anything right cause there's so much going on in my personal life. I feel like an all around failure as a person right now. I'll snap out of it hopefully at the 5:00 whistle. It can't get here soon enough. Would it be bad to say I sure could use a glass of wine? I am not a drinker but a cold glass of wine sounds really good (I hope that doesn't offend anyone).:sorry
I like the idea of not letting son move in with dad until the summer. It's right around the corner after all.
I barely know what to say. I'm sorta burned out from the previous posts and the responses - plus it's been a very emotional day at work. It seems I can't do anything right cause there's so much going on in my personal life. I feel like an all around failure as a person right now. I'll snap out of it hopefully at the 5:00 whistle. It can't get here soon enough. Would it be bad to say I sure could use a glass of wine? I am not a drinker but a cold glass of wine sounds really good (I hope that doesn't offend anyone).:sorry
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 266
You are not a failure at anything. You might feel that way right now, it will pass. Do I do every morning and thru out the day say to yourself its going to be a great day and smile while saying it. Or keep a dairy or just right down your thoughts.
If it is not until the summer then why are you worring about it now. You have time learn to deal with what comes up now. The future is the future anything can change. He you son could go live with dad over the summer and hate it. If you have good communication with the ex then you need to sit down and go over what needs to be taken care of for your son.
I really do not think it is going to last with your son at the dads house.
As for your other problem. I read and all I hear is the excuses you are saying for him to stay and why he started using again. It is not your problem it is his. It is not your problem if he does not have any contact with his daughter that is his fault.
You have to stop worring about what may happen in the future and deal with the present. Write down the pros and cons of your husband living with you. Write down what he has done to you and do you want to take the chance of him doing it to again.
Just remember he has the no contact against you. If he gets pissed at you when he is living in your house all he has to do is call the cops and the cops will have to take you to jail no questions asked. Then where will you kids be at and active addict and no mother.
If it is not until the summer then why are you worring about it now. You have time learn to deal with what comes up now. The future is the future anything can change. He you son could go live with dad over the summer and hate it. If you have good communication with the ex then you need to sit down and go over what needs to be taken care of for your son.
I really do not think it is going to last with your son at the dads house.
As for your other problem. I read and all I hear is the excuses you are saying for him to stay and why he started using again. It is not your problem it is his. It is not your problem if he does not have any contact with his daughter that is his fault.
You have to stop worring about what may happen in the future and deal with the present. Write down the pros and cons of your husband living with you. Write down what he has done to you and do you want to take the chance of him doing it to again.
Just remember he has the no contact against you. If he gets pissed at you when he is living in your house all he has to do is call the cops and the cops will have to take you to jail no questions asked. Then where will you kids be at and active addict and no mother.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
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The summer was just mentioned in the above post to discuss this with her son now and see how he feels about that coming to an agreement as far as him going with his dad.
Mrsmagoo your NOT a failure your going through alot right now and your mind is going a million miles an hour. Your heart is hurting feels like its being tugged out. YOUR NOT a failure your a great person going through a hard time and trying to figure it all out.
Mrsmagoo your NOT a failure your going through alot right now and your mind is going a million miles an hour. Your heart is hurting feels like its being tugged out. YOUR NOT a failure your a great person going through a hard time and trying to figure it all out.
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