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Old 01-06-2008, 08:05 AM
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krhea75
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Oh my, your answers are so good. I have been fluctuating back and forth between bailing him out or not. I left him in there this weekend and he will see a judge on monday. I am taking work off on monday to be there when he goes to court. I just wish i knew what will happen. I guess you all are right. No matter what I do, it is up to him. He has put himself in this situation. Thank you all for your prayers. Please keep it up. I feel almost like I will fall apart.
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:36 AM
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Khrea, If you put your trust in the process, you won't fall apart. Just trust that whatever happens tomorrow is what needs to happen. Sending prayers that your son will get just what he needs so that he will continue in his recovery and prayers for you to feel some peace with whatever happens. Hugs, Marle
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:31 AM
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Krhea

keeping you in my prayers

There is no easy answer, no easy way out ....recovery is hard work

I pray that your son gets what he needs...

p.s. sign me up for camp...and i do mean the one with the condos and cabana boys!
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Old 01-06-2008, 02:21 PM
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Just wanted to add my support, hope things go well. An I do agree with the others he knew what could happen, just wish they hadn't put it on you like this. Hugs an prayers.

Connie
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:09 PM
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(((((((Krhea))))))))

Just checking in to see how your doin' sweetie.
Warning: Steel yourself for court. One of the hardest things
I ever had to do was see my skinny little boy in an orange jumper
and leg shackles. I cried like a baby. He felt awful because I had to
see him like that, but it didn't deter me from keeping him in there. lol
I looked at that d*mn jumpsuit 3 times a week for 6 months. Ya get
used to it. I know this is hard for you, but I have to tell ya...
he's learning a lesson from this. He surely is.
Praying for strength for you, for him, and the whole dang situation.
Stand strong, mama bear. Stand strong.
With love and sympathy,
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Old 01-06-2008, 09:55 PM
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Thanks Linda and all of you,
I have been doing better today. Went to church and then talked to my pastor. I don't know what he said, but I know I felt better when I left there. So i am going on the theory to wait and see what will happen. I must say that I am leaning towards bailing him out tomorrow. I know it's probably stupid, and I know he doesn't deserve it. But the codie in me is hurting big time. Also, his counselor told me it would probably be okay to bail him out for now, knowing that he will probably have to serve some time in the future. I do think that he has been doing better overall, and i want to encourage him by bailing him out. Is that the epitome of enabling? God, just in writing this I'm thinking you all are calling me crazy.
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:49 PM
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If you make up your mind not to bail him out if he is returned to jail on Monday, perhaps you won't want to take his calls if they make you doubt your decision
Here's how I handle it: I never do court/bail/jail with or for my son.
He knows this so the few times he has been in jail I don't hear about it until later when he is out. If he gets himself into a jam, only the consequences might teach him to live his life crime-free. Right now he has a warrant from failure to appear on traffic violation. It is none of my business.My friend who is a lawyer gave him advice and he ignored it.
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:29 PM
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Thanks spiritseeker,
Do you think that his young age (17) should make a difference. I think that is what keeps bothering me. I know he is young and stupid and likely to make rash decisions. That, mixed with an addict brain, makes for a volatile teen-ager. if I don't bail him out, it will be hard to not take his calls. If i do bail him out, what ifhe continues to run with the same old crowd? argggh. what a dilemma.
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:30 PM
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As you can tell from the time of my last post, i am having trouble sleeping....
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:39 PM
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Given that he is a minor, I would go to his court appearance.
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Old 01-07-2008, 02:31 AM
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((((Khrea))))

Sorry I'm late, but sending you hugs and prayers.

Amy
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Old 01-07-2008, 04:36 AM
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Whatever you decide, we are here for you. Sending prayers on what will be a tough decision. Hugs, Marle
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Old 01-07-2008, 07:06 AM
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((((krhea)))))

i have stayed out of this one, because honestly i didn't have a clue what to say. funny i didn't sleep last night either, and my daughter was actually home last night...

i was thinking of you though...like i said have no good advice to share...the times my ad has been in trouble with the law she got a slap on the wrist and sent home with me...never even saw the inside of the jail....the last time i actually tried to help them come up with reasons to arrest her...nothing would stick.

i do know i would go to court though. wether i would bail him out or not., i don't know. whatever you do i am sure it will be the right decision...it's monday morning so you are probaly at the court house...sending you warms wishes...hope ya feel the love there...S
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Old 01-07-2008, 09:10 AM
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Court is today at 1:30. His current outpatient counselor told me to leave his butt in there. He has earned his time in there. so for now, I am going to leave him in there. Now i just have to tell him this. I talked to his lawyer and he said it would probably be a couple of weeks and they would try to plea it down. So in the long run it won't be that long, probably a couple of weeks at the most. He also said he needs to sit in there. How come everyone can say that and I can't feel it? this has to be the toughest part.... He will hate me forever. His other counselor (who knows him the best of all)just called me and said that he had been doing better, making some progress by working, living on his own. He said Brandon made it longer in oxford house than anyone he has ever sent there. But he still is 17 and apt to make some bad choices. He said if it were him he would probably bail him out.
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Old 01-07-2008, 09:27 AM
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(((krhea)))
I know this a very difficult decision to make.
Please remind yourself that if you bail him out, it will not MAKE him use.
If you keep him in, it will not MAKE him stay clean.

This is all about what you need, and what the outcome for YOU will be with either decision.

With that in mind, a big question may be "where will he spend the couple weeks waiting?"

If the answer is home with you, could you withstand that? If the answer to that is "no" what would his other options be?

As has been said, either way you go, we're here for you.
(((Hugs)))
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Old 01-07-2008, 10:46 AM
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Thanks cece,
I am praying and praying and praying. Your input is helpful. but i am realizing it is up to me. I think i'll wait a few days before i decide. yeah! more turmoil!
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Old 01-07-2008, 11:13 AM
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Just want you to know I am praying for you and your son. Stay strong. You are doing Ok, you have lots of support here. I have no advice, my a is my h. (((hugs))))
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Old 01-07-2008, 12:03 PM
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I hope you don't bail him out. You are probably saving his life by letting him suffer the FULL consequences of his choices. Not that bailing him out or leaving him in there is going to make him use or stay clean, but it will give him lots of time to experience jail, figure out what he wants out of life and if jail is a place that he wants to end up again. Maybe it will stick with him when he gets out and he is faced with the choice to use again.

He's still young. That makes me think that he can still learn from his mistakes.

My sons father is sitting in prison for a long time because of the stupid choices he made (after people bailed him out of the trouble that he caused). I wish that he would have experienced tougher consequences for his actions when he was younger and still had some ability to think smart. Now his brain has rotted from prolonged crack use. He can no longer make intelligent choices for himself.

When he was younger, he thought he was smart enough to manipulate the system. And he did. He manipulated everyone. Now he is not as good at manipulating. He is simply a 35 year old crack addict and a 6 time felon. They are throwing away the key this time.
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Old 01-07-2008, 02:06 PM
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whew! Just got back from court, and am feeling blessed! The judge looked at the situation, wondered why he was in there when he had finished his rehab successfully. He released him to my custody without having to pay bail. He must get in another aftercare program, go on probation and be drug tested periodically. As long as he doesn't get in trouble, he should be okay. It was amazing. I didn't have to decide whether to pay the bail or not. The judge saw that he had complie mostly and went with that. Now does this mean that we are done? No. Just for today. He is happy and thankful. As am I. Your prayers and support were amazing. I could feel it around me as I walked in the courtroom. Amen and amen.
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Old 01-07-2008, 02:15 PM
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Sometimes the legal system knows better than we do. Now he must be accountable to someone who is not his mother Glad things went okay for today. Hugs, Marle
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