Old 10-18-2007, 01:36 PM
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I haven't been on in awhile. Since my AS was arrested I recieved one letter from him saying he had to go to court on the 9th of Oct. He wrote the letter on the 8th. In the letter he said he was shell shocked & that we are not to feel bad for him. He also asked if me & my mom could go partners on sending him $165 so he could get a tv, an electric shaver, and a few other toiletries.
So far neither my mom or I have sent him any money. I did write him one letter & in it I told him to ask his counselor if he could see a psychiatrist.
He is on my mind alot but since I don't know what to do I'm doing nothing.
Just thought I'd let you know what was going on.

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Old 10-18-2007, 01:43 PM
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Doing nothing (including sending him money) sounds like a good plan, Rozied. Time for him to grow up and pay the piper, so to speak. Sending hugs to you and prayers that your son has had enough. Hugs, Marle
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Old 10-18-2007, 02:10 PM
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Necessary toiletries are provided, that should do him for now, yes? When he runs out of people to take care of him, he will find a way to take care of himself. That's a good thing, even with no TV.

You did well by doing nothing.

Hugs to you and your mom.
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Old 10-18-2007, 02:14 PM
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Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
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Like Ann said, Necessities are provided .. TV (is a luxury) I'd send him a NA book .. with no tv he might get so bored he would read it

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Old 10-18-2007, 02:28 PM
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where is he that he can have a personal t.v. ? i have never heard of jail?
he will get the things free that he & your mom should not send him anything. let him know u love him but it is time to suffer the consequences. prayers for u 3
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Old 10-18-2007, 02:40 PM
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You did good!!
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:46 PM
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Sorry the hurt hit again, but I think you did good too!
prayers for you and your son,
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Old 10-18-2007, 06:46 PM
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When my son was in jail, I remember him asking me for money and saying how far $40 would go ... I answered "who said anything about $40?" I did write to him regularly and would occasionally put a few dollars on his books, so he could purchase extra toiletries at the commissary. This is what I was comfortable with at the time.

I know this weighs heavily on your mind, but your son is safe and hopefully learning the lessons he needs to make a change in his life. Sending much love and prayers because I know how hard this is
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Old 10-18-2007, 08:24 PM
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When my oldest A was in prison the 1st time, I sent money for his books, and care packages...well, heck, I sent the works.
The 2nd time, I didn't send any money, but did send envelopes and paper.
The 3rd time I sent nothing.

Unfortunately he may be returning there soon, and I will send nothing, and I will block my phone for collect calls, they cost me $60 a month or more when he starts his calling.

It seems that my son has taken up the Prison tattoo profession and makes quite a bit of money. Believe me, they generally find their way, Rozied....

I feel it was a big mistake sending my son money, and care was like he was away at college or something. Not suffering the consequences of his actions.

Doing nothing is a good thing!

Hugs to you,
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Old 10-18-2007, 08:40 PM
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So sorry you have to go through this. Thank your HP you have some recovery under your belt. Its amazing that even when they are locked up they find a way to manipulate and to try and get at your heart. Ouch! I like the idea of sending literature and other reading material, who knows, maybe if he doesn't read it someone else will get their hands on it!
Prayers for your peace and your sons recovery
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Old 10-18-2007, 09:45 PM
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Glad you are taking care of you...very happy to hear your mom is too!
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Old 10-19-2007, 04:12 AM
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A big thanks to everyone.
I can see the consensus is unanimous that we did right by sending nothing. I am comfortable with that. His reason for asking for money for an electric shaver was he was afraid to get AIDS by using the one on the unit. We haven't sent a dime.
Let him use a regular razor that is supplied by the prison. A 13inch black & white tv costs about a hundred bucks & the cabel for 1 yr is $30.........................he is in a county jail & he has been in & out of this place for at least the last 7 yrs. I know they can have a tv cuz its on the Commissary list & EVERY other time we ( me once my mom the rest of the time ) have gotten him one BUT NO MORE.
A NA book would be a good thing to send him. I will go to Amazon & see about ordering one.
Thanks again everyone,
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Old 10-19-2007, 05:24 AM
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This time is different for you and your mom. Maybe this time will be different for him too. Funny how that works sometimes.

Forgive me for giggling, but where else in the entire world would you find a group of nice, sweet mamas like us, who know all the ins and outs of jails and prisons in at least two countries and who could probably hand draw city maps with the jail as the "you are here" starting point.

Sort of adds interest to the stereotype Mom and Apple Pie image, doesn't it
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Old 10-19-2007, 06:04 AM
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Still learning...and seeking!
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You and your mother are making a good decision!

When my son was in county jail, there were tv's in each ward. That would be where possibly, 8-10, others were housed.

The main reason, some, wanted their own tv....they didn't like having to "compromise" on what programs they would watch.

I found learning to compromise was a good thing for Luke!
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Old 10-19-2007, 06:40 AM
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You said it Ann, never in my widest dreams did I think I would be familiar with the prison system. Kind of makes us more well rounded people wouldn't you say!!!
Serenity Seeker, I never would have gotten him a tv if it wasn't for my mother. I bought him one once all the other times it was purchased by my parents.
Ann there is a saying & I believe it to be true " nothing changes if nothing changes " now that my parents & I are ( I PRAY ) on the same page hopefully Joey will see the light.

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Old 10-19-2007, 06:54 AM
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Amen, Rozied.
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Old 10-19-2007, 09:38 AM
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No advice here, from the biggest codie in the world, just prayers to you and your AS
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Old 10-19-2007, 03:03 PM
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Thanks so much Laketime...................I can use ALL the prayers I can get.
I will keep you & yours in my prayers also.

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Old 10-19-2007, 09:44 PM
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Hi Diane,
It's good to hear from you again. Sorry you are being faced with these tough decisions on what to do. I think this time around you are doing what is right for you and Joey. At some point he has to realize that he just can't have it his way anymore. I do know that part of you feels bad......afterall he is your son and you want him to be comfortable. He will get a long okay. It's amazing what we can do without when we have to. At least he has a bed and 3 squares a day.

When my daughter was in jail I never sent anything.....didn't put a dime on her card.
To this day she says she never ever wants to go to jail again. I think it helped.

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Old 10-19-2007, 10:40 PM
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Ann...I just had to laugh at your observation....

we sure are a unique group of "soccer moms"
in my wildest dreams I never imagined this role!! hearts goes out to you
doing nothing is perhaps harder than all the other crazy things most of us have done...

I pray that your son is ready to embrace recovery

never give up hope

miracles do happen

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