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Addiction causes isolation?

Old 08-28-2007, 03:00 PM
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Addiction causes isolation?

hello all.

I have been dealing with AW's addiction off and on for the past 6 years. As you all know it's been an up and down experience. She's been on vicodin, ultram, etc and been arrested a couple of times for trying to get the drugs illegally. Overall though the past year has not been too bad with her addictions, but lately she's been drinking and hiding beer bottles around. I have no idea what's up with that. She's never been a drinker.

Anyway I have been starting to feel closed in. I use to have great relationships with my friends and family, which were always an outlet from the problems at home. Now, and I am not sure how this happened (it did not happen overnight), but basically my only relationships are with my wife and children. It creates a feeling of isolation and dependence on my wife more than before the addiction. Has anyone else experienced this?
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Old 08-28-2007, 03:17 PM
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Yes, Ghost, I found that happening to me too when I was living with my addicted one.

It kinda snuck up on me...did it do that to you too? One day I woke up and realized that there wasn't one single person I'd feel comfortable calling up to go have breakfast or a beer with. I'd closed them all out, focusing so hard on the addict(s) in my life (I actually had several...sigh) So lonely, and unhealthy too.

Is there any way you can slowly-slowly start bringing that back into a higher priority in your life? Even just one or two friends that you can talk to honestly...it really does help. I'm an introvert so that sort of thing is easier said than done for me...but I know it's the right thing to do.

Hugs to you,
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Old 08-28-2007, 03:28 PM
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I know what you mean. When my xah began to drug, no one wanted to come around and be part of us. I didn't have one single person I could call a friend any more. It's sad. But now that we're divorced it makes sense.

I started going to alanon and made some very dear friends. Have you been to any alanon meetings? It gives you something to do just for yourself, and it gets you out of the house to meet new people.
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Old 08-28-2007, 03:35 PM
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Welcome.... i am sorry u are going thru this. in answer to your question i believe most of us have gone into isolation living with an addict at one time. i think we do it to protect ourselves & them too. little do we know that just about everybody knows our addict is addictive. my son is my addict & i stayed away from people because i felt guilty. since recovery i have learned that it is not my fault.he is grown & has made his own choices over & over. they are his choices & they are his problems. you have probley pulled away from your family & friends. they are there waiting for you to reach out to them, they have not gone anywhere. your wife has sucked the life out of you. you worry about where she is & what she is doing or going to do. she is going to use if you are there or not.recovery teaches us how to take care of ourselves. do something good for yourself. let go of the addict or get dragged. call a friend, & plan to do something u would enjoy doing,pool, fishing or whatever the case is.i will say a prayer for you & your wife. keep coming back & let us know how u r..
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Old 08-28-2007, 03:43 PM
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My AD was never a drinker either, but when she was staying off of drugs she started to drink. I guess substituting one for the other. Right now she is off of both and doing pretty well. I don't let myself get to excited about that though.
I also have been isolating myself from my friends. I have been spending a lot of time alone. That is very out of character for me. I usually do a lot of things with friends.
Sometimes a little of being alone isn't so bad because it helps me to sort things out.
I still go to my summer place and spend time with family there. I like being with my sisters because they know everything that is going on in my life and they stick by me and support me. It is funny that you posted this today because I was just wishing that I could have my old life back the way it used to be before drugs and all of the dysfunction that it has caused in my family. I want to be free, I don't want to live with this monkey on my back. I am trying to work on my recovery but somedays it overtakes me and I feel tired and I just can't fight it anymore. I guess I just don't want to have to work at this recovery everyday.....it is such a struggle for me. I didn't mean to ramble on.....this post was a trigger for me because of how I am feeling today.
You are not alone in your feelings.
Sending hugs and prayers your way................Lo
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Old 08-28-2007, 07:47 PM
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DUring AD's last vacation (rehab!) I was told that alcohol actually works on the same receptors in the brain as opiates...vicodin,ultram, chees, heroin,lortab, etc. Makes sense to me now, mine never drank before either, but her she does now!

Her counselor said is she were on a desert island w/ nothing but frogs, she would get addicted to licking the frog! Sad, huh?

I never associated the two, just an FYI
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Old 08-28-2007, 10:36 PM
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I think Givelove said it well...that sense of loss of the old self and lifestyle does tend to creep up and suddenly you realize.

Naranon meetings helped me to find a place where people understood and where i could get used to focusing on me for an hour and not on my addict. That was a good start to opening up and letting one or two people I trusted into my world...Little by little I regained my sense of self. For me, I found letting go of a feeling of being a victim of circumstance and working to gain control back over what I could control...me, was helpful in breaking down the walls I put up to keep the rest of the world out.
I hope you can find a way that works for you to get back a little of your connection with those you have lost touch with. The first steps are the most difficult
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Old 08-29-2007, 09:55 AM
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lost contact.........

I too have lost contact or communication with mostly all of my friends and had really distanced myself from my family members as well. I think this happened in part because I didn't want anyone to know my business (ashmed i guess) and partly because I didn't want to listen to people who had no clue as to what I was going through. In the beginning I confided in a few people who gave me suggestions on how to deal or cope with my daughter -- but they had no prior experience handling an addict and therefore just didn't or couldn't comprehend. I also had a fear that if I brought these people back into my life, that my daughter would do something to mess it up--such as stealing from them. I kept people at a distance because I thought I needed to keep them safe. I took the blame for everything that my daughter had done through out her years which made it that much harder.

I have now since made it my goal to get back out in the world and pick up my life right back from the point of disruption (or close to it).
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Old 08-29-2007, 10:38 AM
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Ghost,

I, too, isolated. Didn't want to see anyone because I just knew everyone knew what was going on and I was embarrassed. Ha! How self centered. I was NOT the topic of everyone's conversations. Imgaine that.

I, too, went to meetings, like Greet said. Found a GREAT group of folks who understood exactly where I was and what I was going through. Today, 5 years later, I still go to these meetings and they have helped tremendously. I'm back into society...with "earth people" (those who don't have a clue about addiction) and with recovery folks. Being able to do that, to get back into life, is just one of the gifts that Al Anon/Nar Anon and recovery has given me. I am so grateful.

Praying that you'll find that gift, too, Ghost.

Hugs,
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