send cigarettes to rehab

Old 06-05-2007, 02:43 PM
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send cigarettes to rehab

Should I do this? I detest smoking, but as I have lowered my expectations for my daughter, it's not as bad as drugs.

On Saturday we bought her another pack and told her no more. Quit for your health. Her dad says maybe she needs them to get through this. The counselor says it's up to each family, some do, some dont. I explained we didn't want to hurt her little recovering self but were inbetween a rock and hard place. No suggestions.

What do I do?
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Old 06-05-2007, 02:51 PM
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I think it might be easier to work recovery with out smoking but if she wants to smoke due to urges or nicotene addiction, she will smoke one way or the other. I dont agree with her smoking and you paying for it but in rehab your all she has then....if it is not that big of a deal then I say do it but if it bothers you then dont...she wont die either way...
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Old 06-05-2007, 02:53 PM
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Hi there. I think it is really important to stick with your boundaries. You said no. Maybe you should mean it? It'll be good practice for when she gets out.
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:04 PM
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At this place only those 18-24 can smoke. The cigarettes are kept under lock and they are given one at a time. They can't bum, beg, plead, steal or borrow.

She gets to call tonight, suprisingly. Don't ya think they could start her on some patches or something. I guess I am pissed because she will always lie and say she doesn't smoke, however, we knew she was lieing. I guess I am grateful she is not lying now. dear lord help me.
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:05 PM
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If she is giving up one addiction, then maybe giving up both won't be any harder. Don't know but a lot of addicts say that it is easier to stop all the addictions at the same time. And if you said no already then maybe you should stick to it. She can bum if she needs to. Hugs, Marle
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:24 PM
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I think you should send them. I am quitting alcohol again and if I had to quit cigarettes at the same time I would go insane!
In fact in AA they specifically advise not to try it.
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:27 PM
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When My As Was In Rehab They Wouldnt Let The Youth 18 And Under Smoke. They Prescribed Him Patches. However As Soon As He Got Out He Strted Smoking Again. The Counselors At Rehab Said That Many Addicts Switch One Addiction For Another (cross Addiction), That's The Reason So Mant In Recovery Smoke, I Suppose. I Know Its Horrible To Say But I Wish My As Would Give Up The Drugs For Cigs. Im Like You Though, Ive Lowered My Expectaitons, A Lot.
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:53 PM
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So true. I used to hate his smoking, but I'd rather he smoke than do drugs. He is starting to cut down though, cause he said he smoked so much at rehab, that he can't stand the taste anymore.
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Old 06-05-2007, 04:32 PM
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Susan, When my daughter was in rehab she stopped smoking along with everything else. I think Marle said she heard it is easier to stop all addictions at the same time.
When she came home she started to smoke again but she did cut down. Like Lake said we lower our expectations. Who knows what she is doing now.........I would like to think it is only cigarettes. When I don't see her, I don't know and I think that is better. Today I hate her for all that she has put me through.

Good luck, sweetie............I know making these decisions are never easy.

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Old 06-05-2007, 05:57 PM
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Thumbs down lowering expectations

Speaking of lowering expectations, I have certainly done that with my AS. Now I only expect him to stay alive. I had dropped all expectations before that except I expected him to be a good son and tell the truth. Now I know that is impossible as long as he's an addict. It feels like a death; the son I raised is def. gone.
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Old 06-05-2007, 06:04 PM
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This is just my opinion but I say if you could afford to get them and it wont bother you that much to give to her I say send her the cigarettes. I am a smoker and when my nerves are completely shot smoking a cigarette helps me feel much better.... I could only imagine what an addict must feel.

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Old 06-05-2007, 06:28 PM
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I just got a PM message for a dear young girl I talk to. She said to send them also. She said it is hard enough to deal not only w/ no drugs, but the issues that put you in the position.

Her dad goes down on Friday, I go Saturday. We have to split the family weekend due to work schedules. I'll let everyone know what is decided. I swear, I don't like making these decisions. There's really no right or wrong.

Thank you all, don't know who I'd talk to w/o you.
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Old 06-05-2007, 06:31 PM
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My as also told me that even though he doesn't like it that much, everyone in rehab drinks gallons of coffee. But that wouldn't bother me either. Coffee and cigarettes are better than the alternative. I never thought I'd hear myself say that about cigarettes either. We just make him smoke outside.
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Old 06-05-2007, 08:04 PM
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I have recently flip-flopped my opinion on supplying cigarettes while in rehab. I felt the same way as you, and supplied cigarettes through many, many rehab visits, and detoxes. I thought, gee she has enough to deal with. But now, I see how crazy it was that I supplied them. I have been told it is better to give up all addictions at once, as someone before me said. I was so afraid of her not succeeding. Today I see it as more enabling. It didn't stop her. Today I won't do it.
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Old 06-05-2007, 08:30 PM
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My kid did it both with and without smokes (rehab, that is). She completed 3 rehabs and failed 1 and got kicked out of a recovery house and an oxford house...

The smoking did not make her fail, nor did it help her succeed.

Do what is right ... FOR YOU.

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Old 06-05-2007, 08:45 PM
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Hi there,

I, too, faced this very same issue with my daughter when she was in rehab. Now keep in mind I really dislike the fact that she smokes. I hate it for her health and she knows how much I hate it for her. She never asked me to buy cigarettes, but ONE time I broke down and sent her some. As soon as I put them in the mail, I felt badly about it. I felt as though I was sending her the very thing that could cause her to have cancer. So, needless to say, I never did it again.

My daughter still smokes today. She knows I hate it for her, but the best thing I can do is keep my mouth shut!

I agree with Big Sis. You have to be comfortable with your decision. That's one thing recovery and working a 12 step program has done for me. Taught me about setting boundaries and doing what I am comfortable with.

Hangin' In
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