hope213

just wanting to give you a warm welcome & keep coming back.prayers, hope

lilkim

I just want to say how nice & helpful everyone has been. I have been struggling alone with this for years. I'm so grateful to have people that understand. I try to talk to my sister but she's just nasty about it all.

greeteachday

People who haven't been through this have a very hard time understanding. You're right, it is insane, but when we are living in the insanity it is so difficult to see. I think that is because we are in survival mode...for ourselves and the addicted loved one. Getting away from it does really help to gradually heal.

I'm very glad you found a meeting for Monday...I've found meetings and face to face support so helpful. I noticed you have also questioned why you allowed yourself to be treated this way and are motivated to prevent it from happening again. I'd suggest getting a copy of Melody Beattie's Codependent No More. I found it an excellent book that helped me to understand my codependency and ways I could recover. Hugs

LiveLife

Thank you to everyone ..... I've been reading for a couple of days. I'm also feeling lost and trying to find strength. My best friend, soul mate, most amazing man I've ever met is back using heroin again and I'm just trying to be strong and hold on. We have been doing the detox .... lie to me until it gets too obvious and the money is gone .... detox .... work .... lie .... detox .... work.....lie cycle every two weeks since October.

We've been together for four years and I have 2 boys (6 and 4) to put first. I'm afraid for all of us. This is bordering on insanity. He didn't come home last night. When he showed up this morning (of course, he is so sorry) then he wanted the credit card. The gas tank is on empty. I didn't give him the card (gave him $5 in change) and he got mad and left for the day. The bank account is overdrawn .... so he's out there hustling somewhere. I'm trying to hard to disengage but that hurts, too, because when times are sober ..... we have the most amazing relationship filled with love and passion and he is so great with my boys. But right now the pain of loving an addict is so overwhelming I think it may not be worth staying with him ..... But God I love him!!!!!!!!!! (((Tears)))

Thank you all ..... your posts have helped me not feel so alone.

lilkim

My addict never did that stuff. He's always had a job, paid bills, or as he likes to call it "put a roof over my head." That's why he says he's not an addict. LOL! What he did never effected me. I guess I imagined all the screaming,ranting,locking the food up. The total breakdown of our life together. He had the utter balls to lecture me on the fact that all the realtionships I had before where awful. That's why I didn't understand how good I had it with him. LOL! Of course, he turned everything into my fault.
He brought a woman into our home had sex with her, 2 days later was on the phone discussing all of my faults with her (too many too count) and seemed amazed that I left. Why? Because it was all my fault. What horsecrap!! I can't tell if he believes his bs or is trying to run really lame game.