Thank you to everyone ..... I've been reading for a couple of days. I'm also feeling lost and trying to find strength. My best friend, soul mate, most amazing man I've ever met is back using heroin again and I'm just trying to be strong and hold on. We have been doing the detox .... lie to me until it gets too obvious and the money is gone .... detox .... work .... lie .... detox .... work.....lie cycle every two weeks since October.
We've been together for four years and I have 2 boys (6 and 4) to put first. I'm afraid for all of us. This is bordering on insanity. He didn't come home last night. When he showed up this morning (of course, he is so sorry) then he wanted the credit card. The gas tank is on empty. I didn't give him the card (gave him $5 in change) and he got mad and left for the day. The bank account is overdrawn .... so he's out there hustling somewhere. I'm trying to hard to disengage but that hurts, too, because when times are sober ..... we have the most amazing relationship filled with love and passion and he is so great with my boys. But right now the pain of loving an addict is so overwhelming I think it may not be worth staying with him ..... But God I love him!!!!!!!!!! (((Tears)))
Thank you all ..... your posts have helped me not feel so alone.