Closure and freedom. At last!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Closure and freedom. At last!
As some of you know I have been trying to get XABF to cease using my home address for any purpose. In my State you cannot register a car w/o a street addy. My addy is still on his license and registration as he is running from the IRS ($13,000 0wed) and is trying to run some scam leaving them in a loop until the Statute of Limitations runs on the money he owes them from lying on his income tax about deductions.
I have had 'interesting' conversations with the State Police on this (and other things).. they told me to contact DMV and DMV told me to contact the Postal service as you need a street address to have a PO Box. I wrote to the Post Master where he has his PO Box and let them know he no longer resides at my house etc. I Cc'd him at his PO box and the address I believe he is living at as well as Cc'd DMV.
Since I did not put a return addy on the outside of the envelopes to him and to to his land lord attention him. I figured he would respond because he could not just "return to sender." This way I could verify his street address for the people who come to my house looking for him, as well as to the IRS etc.
Well, he responded and he lied (but I knew he would so had verification at hand) so now I am certain of his street address so the police can go and get his growing operation if they want to (and perhaps if that alone spares one child from STARTING to take drugs it is worth it) and the IRS can find him if they want to and they will not come to me anymore. I also was given the opportunity to let him know I understood the extent of his lies (a waste of time, but it made ME feel good to lay that out in the sun!).
Every day when I have thought of him I have taken my mental picutre of sending him away and saying "BEGONE and OUT OF MY HEAD!" to chase those thoughts away. At night before I go to bed I say to myself, "You stay out of my dreams! You do not beling here anymore. You stay OUT." It has been working.
I feel as if this is finally CLOSURE. I am done with the anger and I am done with him. Thank GOD for that.
FINALLY FINALLY DONE. I can finally just go forward. I am so relieved and free feeling.
Anger is gone. Need for revenge has left with it. Closure that I needed has happened.
The sky is truly blue and the black birds are singing. In spite of it being 8 degrees this morning and 2 feet of snow on the ground , it is spring. I feel new growth and I am so compeletly at peace and happy. My BREATHING has changed!
I am FREE at last.
I have had 'interesting' conversations with the State Police on this (and other things).. they told me to contact DMV and DMV told me to contact the Postal service as you need a street address to have a PO Box. I wrote to the Post Master where he has his PO Box and let them know he no longer resides at my house etc. I Cc'd him at his PO box and the address I believe he is living at as well as Cc'd DMV.
Since I did not put a return addy on the outside of the envelopes to him and to to his land lord attention him. I figured he would respond because he could not just "return to sender." This way I could verify his street address for the people who come to my house looking for him, as well as to the IRS etc.
Well, he responded and he lied (but I knew he would so had verification at hand) so now I am certain of his street address so the police can go and get his growing operation if they want to (and perhaps if that alone spares one child from STARTING to take drugs it is worth it) and the IRS can find him if they want to and they will not come to me anymore. I also was given the opportunity to let him know I understood the extent of his lies (a waste of time, but it made ME feel good to lay that out in the sun!).
Every day when I have thought of him I have taken my mental picutre of sending him away and saying "BEGONE and OUT OF MY HEAD!" to chase those thoughts away. At night before I go to bed I say to myself, "You stay out of my dreams! You do not beling here anymore. You stay OUT." It has been working.
I feel as if this is finally CLOSURE. I am done with the anger and I am done with him. Thank GOD for that.
FINALLY FINALLY DONE. I can finally just go forward. I am so relieved and free feeling.
Anger is gone. Need for revenge has left with it. Closure that I needed has happened.
The sky is truly blue and the black birds are singing. In spite of it being 8 degrees this morning and 2 feet of snow on the ground , it is spring. I feel new growth and I am so compeletly at peace and happy. My BREATHING has changed!
I am FREE at last.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Elana))) I can feel your struggle. I know about the losing the anger part... I hate what that does to me. Anger has its place, but I am relieved when I don't have to feel that anymore.
Glad this worked for you.
Glad this worked for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Thanks Teke.
I don't know if my method of reaching this point was right. I expect perhaps not, as it mixed revenge (bad) and anger (can be good, bad or necessary) to get to this point. If my methods were wrong then so be it. Past is past. I would not do it this way again, but I won't do anything like I did again anyway.
I have done everything to take care of me. Anything I told anyone was simply the truth and did not require action. Action was up to the authorities. They may take no action at all or they may. This is not mine anymore.
I gave what I did to the authorities. I have protected myself. I have not lied. The rest can go to God and I am no longer stuck in that angry place. The angry place was better than the hurt place. This place I am today is way better than the angry place, and it surprises me to be here.
I would not recommend my methods to anyone. They worked for me and on this day I am feeling fine. I have only to pass the HIV test in June. The last hurdle. I expect this to be proof that I am Negative considering how long his philandering went on. If I was going to be positive I would have been positive in December consiidering the time spane. I was negative then.
The space in my head previously rented to Steve and to anger and to pain is now open and free and I have so many really good things to fill it with. I have much to look forward to.
I don't know if my method of reaching this point was right. I expect perhaps not, as it mixed revenge (bad) and anger (can be good, bad or necessary) to get to this point. If my methods were wrong then so be it. Past is past. I would not do it this way again, but I won't do anything like I did again anyway.
I have done everything to take care of me. Anything I told anyone was simply the truth and did not require action. Action was up to the authorities. They may take no action at all or they may. This is not mine anymore.
I gave what I did to the authorities. I have protected myself. I have not lied. The rest can go to God and I am no longer stuck in that angry place. The angry place was better than the hurt place. This place I am today is way better than the angry place, and it surprises me to be here.
I would not recommend my methods to anyone. They worked for me and on this day I am feeling fine. I have only to pass the HIV test in June. The last hurdle. I expect this to be proof that I am Negative considering how long his philandering went on. If I was going to be positive I would have been positive in December consiidering the time spane. I was negative then.
The space in my head previously rented to Steve and to anger and to pain is now open and free and I have so many really good things to fill it with. I have much to look forward to.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
The space in my head previously rented to Steve and to anger and to pain is now open and free and I have so many really good things to fill it with. I have much to look forward to
Eyes on the future, Elana. It can be beautiful and bright.
~ Cat
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I keep getting stuff from him even now.. quacking how his terrible life and losing his job is all my fault. Its's not. It is all the result of his choices and the consequences of those choices.
I have written and written letters to him (unsent).
I am not replying or sending them now.
I just can't be bothered to answer his quacking.
I have written and written letters to him (unsent).
I am not replying or sending them now.
I just can't be bothered to answer his quacking.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Just a question but if nothing was said about his actions would he still have a job? If you wouldnt have said anything would he STILL be working? I dont think messing with anyones livelyhood is right no matter who you think you are and no matter what they did to you. My ex had me jumping through rings of fire while throwing gas on me. I was just glad to walk away from him and start a new life. I guess I can take what I want and leave the rest.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nearer to the top.
Posts: 15
((((Elana))))
I'm happy for you. Freedom is the best feeling EVER. You've struggled to get to where you are, but I know that struggle was growth. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. ((((Elana))))
I'm happy for you. Freedom is the best feeling EVER. You've struggled to get to where you are, but I know that struggle was growth. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. ((((Elana))))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
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Posts: 1,497
KJ:
He had been caught padding his time card. The cut his hours to 1/2 time. He refused to do the work, refused to learn the job and was slacking off every chance he got. He had not been to work in 4 days. They removed his phone and computer. They stopped answering his phone calls. They refused to talk to him in the office. They did all they could to get him to quit so they did not have to pay unemployment. Finally they told him to stop coming to work and are paying unemployment.
All before I said anything to anyone about him threatening his co worker with physical violence.
He messed up his OWN job and his own livelihood.
I am not saying my actions were justified or a thing of beauty or even right. They worked for me. I have never had an addiction problem so I find it impossible to see things from his point of view.
He had been caught padding his time card. The cut his hours to 1/2 time. He refused to do the work, refused to learn the job and was slacking off every chance he got. He had not been to work in 4 days. They removed his phone and computer. They stopped answering his phone calls. They refused to talk to him in the office. They did all they could to get him to quit so they did not have to pay unemployment. Finally they told him to stop coming to work and are paying unemployment.
All before I said anything to anyone about him threatening his co worker with physical violence.
He messed up his OWN job and his own livelihood.
I am not saying my actions were justified or a thing of beauty or even right. They worked for me. I have never had an addiction problem so I find it impossible to see things from his point of view.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I have to finish this difficult work problem today and go for a walk tonight.. then I have to do some dark room work tonight as well. Cats need brushing (badly)....
Tomorrow night is a meeting and I think I need one.
My whole future is there for me to walk into. One day at a time.
I have plans for my garden and to get a fence built so I can have a dog.. I am so looking forward to going to the Grand Canyon the beginning of May with my Mom. She has never been and I have been twice.. now three times. I will get good photos. I have garden plans and even plans (maybe not immediately) for a small water garden. I have a LOT of pick ax work ahead of me!
I want to learn how to sweat pipes so I can do some plumbing. I want to take more chemistry classes next fall, or I might investigate getting my Masters degree.
Life is good. The path is really a lot more fun when you leave some of the load behind.
Tomorrow night is a meeting and I think I need one.
My whole future is there for me to walk into. One day at a time.
I have plans for my garden and to get a fence built so I can have a dog.. I am so looking forward to going to the Grand Canyon the beginning of May with my Mom. She has never been and I have been twice.. now three times. I will get good photos. I have garden plans and even plans (maybe not immediately) for a small water garden. I have a LOT of pick ax work ahead of me!
I want to learn how to sweat pipes so I can do some plumbing. I want to take more chemistry classes next fall, or I might investigate getting my Masters degree.
Life is good. The path is really a lot more fun when you leave some of the load behind.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Been a long 5 months to get here.. and even now I know that there will be times when I see something... hear a train whistle.. take a photo.. something.. and I will think of him or something we did. Something will make me laugh or cry and a memory with slip in there.
But I do the same with my decesaed ex husband or my Grandparents now long passed on and many many of the animals I have had the grace to share this life journey with.
Some memories bring sadness. Some bring joy. Some bring with those things a sense of loss. All memories are part of the foundation on which today stands on for us.
I know the relief I fee today is something I never thought I would feel.
Doing the little happy dance... Just a little one... I need to get used to this and I have two left feet..
But I do the same with my decesaed ex husband or my Grandparents now long passed on and many many of the animals I have had the grace to share this life journey with.
Some memories bring sadness. Some bring joy. Some bring with those things a sense of loss. All memories are part of the foundation on which today stands on for us.
I know the relief I fee today is something I never thought I would feel.
Doing the little happy dance... Just a little one... I need to get used to this and I have two left feet..
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