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Not sure I did the right thing

Old 03-07-2007, 12:54 PM
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Angry Not sure I did the right thing

Hi, I'm new and desperate. My son has been on opiates for over 2 years, I think. Tried to get him help tons of times and he keeps going back. Me and my husband have spent tons of money on rehabs, loans to get him an education, etc. He's 22. Found out the other day he's been using again and lying about it. He lost his job and quit school. Just threw him out of the house last week and I don't know if that was the right thing to do. I've been crying about it ever since. He did call the other nite and told me he's with a friend for now.
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Old 03-07-2007, 12:59 PM
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((((Loiuse))))
Welcome to SR.
You'll find many here who are, or have been where you are now.
Sometimes, sadly, the only thing we parents can do is to let them fall, let thier lives spin out of control, and let them get to the point that reaching out for help is the only answer.
What you did was hard, no doubt, but it may actually be the most loving thing a parent could do under the circumstances.
We'll walk with you for a spell, and let you catch your breath and find your strength.
Stick around
((((Hugs))))
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Old 03-07-2007, 01:02 PM
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Welcome to sr. I think you did what you had to do. I'm new at this and I dont want to give the wrong advise but I just want to welcome you and let you know that you have come to the right place. Stay strong. I would maybe consider trying a meeting like al anon, nar non ect. They seem to help me when I need it. My ex abf was/is addicted to pot and coke. I can't tell you how many times his mom and dad kicked him out. I know she went through the same things you are going through. Just remeber you can only do so much the rest is up to him. You didn't cause it, You can't fix it, and you can't cure it. Stay strong.
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Old 03-07-2007, 01:05 PM
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((((Louise))))

Welcome to Sober Recovery!! I have 5 active crack addicts in my life and lots of times I feel really crazy.

If your son is not a minor than you are not responsible for his behavior. If he is a minor than hopefully you can help him by getting him to rehab and make him stay until he gets it.

It is very tough dealing with addiction it is not your fault that he keeps choosing dope...
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Old 03-07-2007, 01:05 PM
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Angry Thanks

Thanks for your support. Haven't had the courage to talk to anyone besides my husband and his siblings about this nightmare. I hope I don't weaken if he calls and begs to come home. He's a good kid with a horrible addiction. But I don't know him anymore.
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Old 03-07-2007, 01:20 PM
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welcome to sr, glad you found us but sorry to hear about your son. my husband and i both are recovering addicts and i think that you did what you had to do. my family did the same for me and so it was for my rah. today, i'm a few yrs sober and my husband is only a few months clean,i think. anyway, i know how much it hurts, and i also know that it takes a lot of strength and courage to do what you did. in my opinion, it may have been the most loving thing that you could have done for your son. it may just somehow drive him to his bottom in turn, saving his life. keep posting and maybe find an alanon or naranon meeting to attend if possible, they really do help a lot.

good that you at least know where he is. take care of you now, addiction seems to effect all who love the addict. keeping you and your family in my prayers
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Old 03-07-2007, 01:21 PM
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If you do thats ok. We all have weakened at some point. If he calls try to set boundierys. It might help. I would be prepared because I'm sure he will call they ll do.
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Old 03-07-2007, 02:06 PM
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You did the right thing. My AH is living in an apartment now and we're going to be divorced soon. He's sank deeper into his opiate addiction. All you can do is step out of the way and let your son hit HIS rockbottom. My AH has been in rehab and relapsed about a week or so after getting out. He's about to lose his job for the second time (same job, just given another chance because he's been there for 15 years). He's been text messaging me all day. Some days (like today) I know he's down, but then there are those other days where he's flying high and thinks he has the world by the balls. I would take him back if he would get help. He knows what to do. Stick to your guns. It's hard, but look at it as a step forward. We all know that the past is full of us trying FOR the addict. The future is up to THEM.
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Old 03-07-2007, 02:34 PM
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Just wanted to add my welcome. Be sure to read the sticky posts at the top of the forum. The more knowledge you have of addiction, the better you will be able to handle whatever is happening with your son. Keep reading and posting, theres lots of wonderful support for you here from others who know what you are going thru. You're not alone. (((HUGS)))
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Old 03-07-2007, 02:49 PM
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Welcome! We have all come here not knowing where to turn and feeling pretty desperate and tired. Please keep posting and reading and you will come to understand that there is never a right or wrong thing to do. What I can tell you is that I am married to a dual addict crack and opiates. He too hid the pills from me for a while. For myself I have to look at my situation and know that unless I force my husband out of my life until clean that I may acutally be preventing him from hitting bottom once and seeking recovery as opposed to allowing him a safe place to come after every binge and possibly the addiction goes on to kill him. We have been apart for over three months and there are times I want to end it all and let him come back home but I truly feel in my heart that I would be helping him to kill himself.

As you hang around and watch the post, you will see that people who post here find out someone has lost the battle to addiction through death. These are people that have replied to some of our own threads. It hits me in the gut and I am getting tired of losing people to this disease!

Follow your heart and remember there is no right or wrong just the responsibility to educate ourselves and do the best we can in our situations.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for there is so much knowledge at this site.
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Old 03-07-2007, 03:06 PM
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Hey,
My son has been using a variety of drugs for the past 3 years....he's in rehab for the fourth time. It might be finally working this time...hope you have good luck with your son. He maybe has hit his bottom. i know it must have been so hard to kick him out. Sometime that is the most loving thing you can do. He has made choices, now he has consequences. Try not to feel guilty. You are a good loving mom.
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Old 03-07-2007, 03:15 PM
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welcome to S.R., you are among people who have been there & care about you & the addict.my addict is also my son. it is hard to let go of them but i am finding it is best for him & especilly me. there is nothing we can do for our addict children.paying courts & lawyers is just giving them more time to use. they will use until they hit there bottom & do not want it any more, in there time only.i paid for 12 yrs. & he is still doing the same things. read around & keep coming back.prayers, hope
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Old 04-24-2016, 06:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Louise54 View Post
Hi, I'm new and desperate. My son has been on opiates for over 2 years, I think. Tried to get him help tons of times and he keeps going back. Me and my husband have spent tons of money on rehabs, loans to get him an education, etc. He's 22. Found out the other day he's been using again and lying about it. He lost his job and quit school. Just threw him out of the house last week and I don't know if that was the right thing to do. I've been crying about it ever since. He did call the other nite and told me he's with a friend for now.
I just asked my son to leave my house when he said he didn't think he needed to get any help. Hardest mom step ever...but boundaries help. They make choices and we all have consequences. Be strong. Hate the disease. At least that's what I tell myself and I get to meetings often. They really help.
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Old 04-24-2016, 10:23 PM
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Bravo to you Moms who have experienced that awful step of "kicking them out." I, too, experienced that horrible realization that I had to give my then 23-year-old son the ultimatum - he could be in our family life or he could be a drug addict - one or the other, but two completely different things. Worst period of my life - huge pit in my stomach, wondering if I did the right thing, fearful I would fold and let him back home. But I stuck to my guns - told him not to be in contact with me unless he needed a ride to rehab. It took a while, but he called one day for a ride. We cautiously explained what we required - 30 days at rehab then 6+ months at sober living house.

Today, he is 3+ years sober. Attending college, engaged, and get this - he owns a sober living house! He is now running a house for 8 other men who are committed to sober living. His rules (mostly learned during his own experience at an SLE plus 2 years working for other SLEs) are tough, non- negotiable and working! His greatest joy is seeing other men "get it" and work for it. He and his fiancée (a 5+ year recovering alcoholic) plan to open a women's SLE next.

It's nothing short of a miracle. I say this to you hurting moms not because I'm bragging, but because I want you to know there is hope! Painful steps can lead to success. I offer you my prayers for the pain I know you are experiencing. There's no easy way around it.
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Old 04-25-2016, 05:42 AM
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Just a note that this thread was from 2007 and the original poster may not see your response.

It's a good topic (I too am a mom who had to stop allowing my son to come home) so maybe start a new thread for yourself and the people who are here today.

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