osier59

I have friends who do the online dating thing. It's been MY experience that many people are quite different in person than they are online.

Friends and I were talking recently. I'm not the same person I was when I was in my 20s or my 30s. The things I am looking for in a partner are considerably different than they were then. If I had made a list back then, and ranked things such as Money, looks, family, job, sense of humor, previous marriages, tattoos, car etc ? Well, let me say that TODAY my list and rankings would be very different than they were back then!

I think it means I have to be very honest with myself first... and OK with who I am, quirks and all. And then I can be a good prospective partner to someone else.

I thought I had found my guy, but we've had a bump in the road. A BIG bump. Only time will tell... time, recovery, time.

This is a great thread, especially with the mix of men and women responding!

Barb

osier59

sorry duplicate post

guyinNC

IM me Christian!

I'm thinking about trying ***** personels. I have no time to get out and meet anyone. Between work and being Mr. Mom, and being in a small town its a little tough.

Sure would like a couple of nice ladies to take to a movie, to show her a good time!

Jazzman

So I'm curious, what would you list look like now?
That's kinda where I am right now, am I able to present myself to my next romantic interest as a good prospective partner? Pretty stuck in my ways at this stage of my life!
When I was in my twenties I was in a band and didn't have to chase women, (girls actually). They chased me! No effort involved. Things are much different for me know at 46 and I have no desire to do any "chasing" and I have NO interest in the game!

Here I am, with all my quirks and baggae. I will not jump through hoops for you or anyone anymore, wanna meet for lunch?
I somehow doubt the honest approach would work very well!

equus

I didn't like dating - even at the age you are 'supposed' to. I went on one blind date once, I didn't like it!

I found a solution that worked for me - I didn't date!!

I met who I met through life and there were plenty had I been interested that could have led to something but I wasn't so it stayed as friendship.

It freaked me out to meet or get to know any man as a 'potential partner' YIPES!!!! If I got on with a fella I'd go for a drink (not a date!!). As it happened I stayed partnerless for a long time but without the struggle of 'having to' pick someone - at least I didn't have to deal with break ups.

Being single meant I was free, nothing owed, nothing promised, no tangles of half baked potential. I was free to follow my heart and be with who I wanted - who by the way, I never did date!!

maggie1958

Jazzman...believe it or not...that's what I'm looking for...someone who will be their self...with all their quirks and baggage...don't wait months for the true you to come out....been there done that. I just want someone for who they are...not for what they want to pretend to be until they get you hooked. I also want the same understanding in return...someone who will accept me for who I am...with all my quirks and baggage...face it....at our age we all have some of that...hopefully just not too much...lol... But hopefully we can be a good prospective partner during that process...I have a feeling we are all working on that one too.

rider

gee, there seems to be a lot of decent, thoughtful, intelligent, guys with a great sense of humor responding to this thread. . .

equus, me too, never really dated much. just met people by happenstance. we either clicked or did not. of course now i know that sometimes when you "click" it might not be a good thing. love can be blind...

like Guy I as thinking of the ***** personals. I don't know though. Small town, small state, you kinda already know everyone who is available! (And what their problems are!)

They say, though, that the fastest growing segment of on-line daters are, uh, "older" folks, shall we say...

Jazzman

How about BTDT folks! (where's cwohio when you need her?)

OK, here's my fantasy personals add:

BTDT Man, NOT ISO high maint drama queen looking for a meal ticket.

Please respond to the following questions:
1) Are you nuts?
2) Can you support yourslef?
3) Do you clean up after yourself?

Jazz.

think I posted this once before...

Mr. Christian

I’m glad I did get so many people to write.
I also feel better knowing that I’m not the only one that’s going through this.

Many of us are reluctant going into this again, but then I do find out that there are some I do meet that are cautious also.
Like the woman I was out with Friday. She said she wants to move slow since the last couple of relationships moved fast. I guess that’s a good thing, I’ve been though that.
Now she does not drink or smoke, so I think I might have a healthy one here, I’ll keep you updated.

osier59

OK Jazz, I like your interview questions. I would add a few more:

.... actually, on second thought... Those 3 questions would clear the room of most of the people I've met lately!

cwohio

ok jazz - here i am! older my.......ummmm.....rump! LOL

i shudder to think about this whole issue. i never really dated much in high school or in my early adulthood. geez, i guess i really didn't date much at all now that i think about it. bad, abusive relationship in my 20's, single and a few dates until i met my husband and now single again.

i think i'll stick with my cats right now but somehow it's not the same is it?

Mr. Christian

Jazz, I find that if you see their place where they live, and if its a total mess, you have to think about them a little more.
Like the one I saw and then let me know later she lived in a hotel, or the one that had so much crap piled up in her place that it looked like a garage.

osier59

So, is our way of handling our stuff the way we handle "our stuff"? Do piles of unfinished business relate to how we deal with other issues?

Dadgum it, that's heavy STUFF to have to ponder so early on a Monday morning!

ICU

I shudder to even entertain the notion of dating again, or rather, seek another relationship right now! I'm reveling in my freedom and sanity too much to give it a second thought! Besides, I've never really dated....if I happen to meet someone and there's chemistry, great!!! But to actually seek out people to date - well, it's just not me! I'd much rather have dental surgery without any pain killers.

Besides, it's much too soon for me. I think after you go through a certain amount of crap from the last relationship, it takes awhile to recover from it and heal enough to be able to make healthy/healthier choices for yourself.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I would think that if I was seeking a relationship because I was lonely, that might be the very first red flad I need to pay attention to! Another way to look at it is, is it a healthy kind of longing, or, am I running away from something and looking for someone to distract me from that?

Nope, I'm certainly not ready yet!!! More power to those of you that are!!!

minnie

How strange that so few of us did much dating - I haven't either. Seems we didn't have much of a filtering operation in place!

Pick-a-name

Ditto what you said, Equus. (One of the things that freaks me out about AH divorcing me at 52.......oh,well. It's a process, this getting well stuff! I don't HAVE to date,etc if I don't want to, just like before....) Thanks for making me feel like not such a "freak".well I guess opposite of what my kids would label a "freak"...haha Seems AH is more interested in that kind, from what some would lead me to believe. Whatever.

Irondoorknob

I have to say that I think the inner turmoil of people are reflected in the exterior environment they create. For instance, I am a mess right now and so is my house and office. I have begun to clean my house and take a little more pride in creating a non-chaotic environment. But I still have times when I just sit and look at piles of junk and think I do not have the energy or interest in cleaning this up. That could also be said of my inner world as well.

Sadly, I am not ready for a healthy relationship with a person of the opposite sex right now because I am not healthy at the moment. But I am AWARE of this, so I am content with being alone (if you call being a single mom with two boys alone). I just want time to work on my relationship with myself and my HP. And with that my plate is full.

Pick-a-name

Seriously folks....fastest growing incidence in new AIDS cases is,too. It's a whole new world out there, and as we here have all found out, looks CAN be deceiving.

Pick-a-name

"Quote:
Please respond to the following questions:
1) Are you nuts?
2) Can you support yourslef?
3) Do you clean up after yourself?



OK Jazz, I like your interview questions. I would add a few more:

.... actually, on second thought... Those 3 questions would clear the room of most of the people I've met lately!"
==================================================

I'm afraid it would rule me out!!!!!!

Pick-a-name

I filtered a lot BEFORE I would go out with them on an other than "friend" basis. Esp. in college, the opportunity was there, but AH was only serious relationship I have had and I went slow with that. Worked great for awile....blindsided me later. Now I think I would be gun shy. I suppose I will find out.