I hate dating
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: North America
Posts: 60
I, too, never dated much. I moved in with my AH after only knowing him at a distance for a couple of months. We have been together 17 years. We are now getting a divorce. I would NEVER do that again. It is dangerous to make a commitment to someone that you do not really know.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by Irondoorknob
I have to say that I think the inner turmoil of people are reflected in the exterior environment they create. For instance, I am a mess right now and so is my house and office. I have begun to clean my house and take a little more pride in creating a non-chaotic environment. But I still have times when I just sit and look at piles of junk and think I do not have the energy or interest in cleaning this up. That could also be said of my inner world as well.
Sadly, I am not ready for a healthy relationship with a person of the opposite sex right now because I am not healthy at the moment. But I am AWARE of this, so I am content with being alone (if you call being a single mom with two boys alone). I just want time to work on my relationship with myself and my HP. And with that my plate is full.
Sadly, I am not ready for a healthy relationship with a person of the opposite sex right now because I am not healthy at the moment. But I am AWARE of this, so I am content with being alone (if you call being a single mom with two boys alone). I just want time to work on my relationship with myself and my HP. And with that my plate is full.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Well, I think Minnies red flag list is appropriate here!
I never liked dating. Hated it so much, in fact that i jumped into serious relationships with men after one "date". Using that word very loosely here friends.
I couldnt have been very good at dating, as needy and controling as I have been. Geesh. Im getting through that though.
DE, if anyone I didnt know offered me a dip in a clothing optional jacuzzi, I would offer them a ride on the brains optional crazy train.
People are sooo wierd!
I never liked dating. Hated it so much, in fact that i jumped into serious relationships with men after one "date". Using that word very loosely here friends.
I couldnt have been very good at dating, as needy and controling as I have been. Geesh. Im getting through that though.
DE, if anyone I didnt know offered me a dip in a clothing optional jacuzzi, I would offer them a ride on the brains optional crazy train.
People are sooo wierd!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by Irondoorknob
... It is dangerous to make a commitment to someone that you do not really know...
I thought I knew _me_. I really did. In recovery I discovered I only knew the part of _me_ I was _willing_ to know.
I need to make a commitment to _me_, and I don't know me well enough yet. Once I am able to make a commitment to me, I will then be able to extend that commitment to others. In the meantime I'm not exposing myself to being used and abused in the "meat market" of dating.
Mike :-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: North America
Posts: 60
Sadly, I did not know my AH at all. Only the person he let me see. The person that I am seeing now is not at all who I thought he was. And he is in recovery, been sober for four months now.
I also am re-discovering who I am. I am capable, determined, and have inner strength. I do not always do the "right things." I also have a tendency to be controlling in situations. I have a hard time accepting help or listening to others' opinions. These are things I am working on.
Back to the original thread, I do think that dating even under the best of conditions is awkward. But for those of us who have experienced unhealthy relationships for long periods of time, the thought of opening up to another person is downright scary.
I also am re-discovering who I am. I am capable, determined, and have inner strength. I do not always do the "right things." I also have a tendency to be controlling in situations. I have a hard time accepting help or listening to others' opinions. These are things I am working on.
Back to the original thread, I do think that dating even under the best of conditions is awkward. But for those of us who have experienced unhealthy relationships for long periods of time, the thought of opening up to another person is downright scary.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
I can't wait to start dating. Lemme at 'em!!
But that is only because I have spent the longest period of my adult life single and used that time to work on me. Figured out what I want and what I don't want in a partner, where my boundaries lie, opened my eyes to the red flags. And learned to slow down before leaping in head first. I also know that I am doing pretty well on my own, so I am only interested in meeting people who enhance my life, not who detract from it. Whilst I have loads of experience of being in a relationship, I have little experience of dating. But that's OK. I was going to say that it's not an exam, but actually it is. And I am so not afraid of the questions. And I don't want to be with anyone who can't say the same.
But that is only because I have spent the longest period of my adult life single and used that time to work on me. Figured out what I want and what I don't want in a partner, where my boundaries lie, opened my eyes to the red flags. And learned to slow down before leaping in head first. I also know that I am doing pretty well on my own, so I am only interested in meeting people who enhance my life, not who detract from it. Whilst I have loads of experience of being in a relationship, I have little experience of dating. But that's OK. I was going to say that it's not an exam, but actually it is. And I am so not afraid of the questions. And I don't want to be with anyone who can't say the same.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
I had plenty of experience in dating..all the wrong people..
Took the most recent exabf to get me into Alanon..and taking a year sabbatical from dating to really stick to my guns this time..pay attention to red flags if they showed up..
and you know what..it's worked..I've been dating a wonderful man for almost 9 months now..
of course I'm still me..so I have to work my program but this is by far the healthiest relationship I've ever had..
Took the most recent exabf to get me into Alanon..and taking a year sabbatical from dating to really stick to my guns this time..pay attention to red flags if they showed up..
and you know what..it's worked..I've been dating a wonderful man for almost 9 months now..
of course I'm still me..so I have to work my program but this is by far the healthiest relationship I've ever had..
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Well look at it this way. Why is someone still single at that age? must be some reason. I feel like the only men who are single at my age are either psycho or gay, otherwise they'd be married.
I have a friend like this- pushing 30, no gf, no prospects, holding out. People joke around about it- that he's gay (not a chance) and his SIL told him that he couldn't get a date b/c "the A/C in his truck is broken." LOLHe's a good one-- just very picky and good for him
. He'll never be posting on this board (hopefully).
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Well look at it this way. Why is someone still single at that age? must be some reason. I feel like the only men who are single at my age are either psycho or gay, otherwise they'd be married. </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Ouch!!!!!
Double Ouch!!!!
Hey man, I got this broke picker thing goin on....
I'm workin on it!
And I'm cool w/ being single right now...
I've never been closer to my youngest son, my oldest is off to college.
I'm only look in for a Saturday night date!
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Well look at it this way. Why is someone still single at that age? must be some reason. I feel like the only men who are single at my age are either psycho or gay, otherwise they'd be married. </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Ouch!!!!!
Originally Posted by megamysterioso
He'll never be posting on this board (hopefully).
Hey man, I got this broke picker thing goin on....
I'm workin on it!
And I'm cool w/ being single right now...
I've never been closer to my youngest son, my oldest is off to college.
I'm only look in for a Saturday night date!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by mushroom
Well look at it this way. Why is someone still single at that age? must be some reason. I feel like the only men who are single at my age are either psycho or gay, otherwise they'd be married.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Quote:
Originally Posted by mushroom
Well look at it this way. Why is someone still single at that age? must be some reason. I feel like the only men who are single at my age are either psycho or gay, otherwise they'd be married.
Maybe they're really nice codies who were in A relationships.
=================================================
Yes; my thought exactly....isn't that "us" that we are talking about,too?
I know I am not "single/potentially dating" by choice...I've been married to the same man for 27 years....except that he is an alcoholic that took a while to build up steam, and he is divorcing me! (midlife crisis,too........double winner!)
There are widows and widowers, etc.......and lots of us wonderful recovering codies!
Originally Posted by mushroom
Well look at it this way. Why is someone still single at that age? must be some reason. I feel like the only men who are single at my age are either psycho or gay, otherwise they'd be married.
Maybe they're really nice codies who were in A relationships.
=================================================
Yes; my thought exactly....isn't that "us" that we are talking about,too?
I know I am not "single/potentially dating" by choice...I've been married to the same man for 27 years....except that he is an alcoholic that took a while to build up steam, and he is divorcing me! (midlife crisis,too........double winner!)
There are widows and widowers, etc.......and lots of us wonderful recovering codies!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Buffalo,WV
Posts: 47
Thanks for starting this post...it has been great to see I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. Maybe we do need to be more picky...I know I'm trying...just met a guy...seems good so far...and I met him on match.com...we are planning to meet this weekend..so we will see....as for the personals about 1 month is all I can take at a time....bad things is I tried it a few years ago...that's where I met my abf...lol...but it's a lot of the same ones...same ads...so beware...a lot of players...and weirdos...seems that is who always answers...lol...
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I've been out of circulation for quite a long time--not a single date in 10 years. Not even a coffee date! I went to go see LOTR with an online gamer/girlfriend but it wasn't really a date. It was 'friendly' thing. ewwww. Never saw her again after that. 
I don't much care for the whole dating scene. I tried the online approach too...some truly creepy prospects are out there! I'm probably one of them.
I also remember how simple things used to be in grade school. Gosh. You'd go up to your favorite Zero Hour playmate & say something perky like "Hey Janie (or Johnny)!"
They'd look at you all excited (well...sometimes).
Then you'd pop the BIG QUESTION, "Wanna be my girlfriend (or boyfriend)?"
LOL. Things were soooo simple back in those days.
Hey btw, Christie, do have any plans for the next few years? Would you like to??
I don't much care for the whole dating scene. I tried the online approach too...some truly creepy prospects are out there! I'm probably one of them.I also remember how simple things used to be in grade school. Gosh. You'd go up to your favorite Zero Hour playmate & say something perky like "Hey Janie (or Johnny)!"
They'd look at you all excited (well...sometimes).
Then you'd pop the BIG QUESTION, "Wanna be my girlfriend (or boyfriend)?"
LOL. Things were soooo simple back in those days.
Hey btw, Christie, do have any plans for the next few years? Would you like to??
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
I get people that like dating and date, I get people that don't like dating and don't date; what confuses the bjazus out of me is not liking dating and feeling as though it's unavoidable - I don't get that.
I think there's too much fear of being alone, if it's forcing anyone into doing what they don't enjoy, it's too much.
there's a whole life out there, a whole world of experiences and while those are lived they'll be 100's of people to be met. Start an evening class in something loved in it's own right, visit a country that captures your imagination, join a sport group, do something voluntarily that challenges you, take up art, poetry, dance, learn an instrument, wear a new style of clothes you never dared wear before (but liked!!).
Whatever you chose and love doing, do it, if that includes dating do it and love the experience, if it doesn't cut lose, change plan and live life on your own terms.
As for there being something wrong with anyone over ..... who hasn't paired off - you gotta be kidding??? There's far more wrong with all the folk paired off out of fear of being alone.
Heck - maybe I just don't get it at all but I wouldn't have traded my years alone for anything, I owned and trained horses, travelled and made friends across the globe, had two good careers, bought my own house, and LIVED. I have many male friends from that time, valued friends but if I'd been on the look out for a partner from dawn till dusk some of them would now be ex's and others would have simply legged it!!
I'm confused - why date if you hate dating??
I think there's too much fear of being alone, if it's forcing anyone into doing what they don't enjoy, it's too much.
there's a whole life out there, a whole world of experiences and while those are lived they'll be 100's of people to be met. Start an evening class in something loved in it's own right, visit a country that captures your imagination, join a sport group, do something voluntarily that challenges you, take up art, poetry, dance, learn an instrument, wear a new style of clothes you never dared wear before (but liked!!).
Whatever you chose and love doing, do it, if that includes dating do it and love the experience, if it doesn't cut lose, change plan and live life on your own terms.
As for there being something wrong with anyone over ..... who hasn't paired off - you gotta be kidding??? There's far more wrong with all the folk paired off out of fear of being alone.
Heck - maybe I just don't get it at all but I wouldn't have traded my years alone for anything, I owned and trained horses, travelled and made friends across the globe, had two good careers, bought my own house, and LIVED. I have many male friends from that time, valued friends but if I'd been on the look out for a partner from dawn till dusk some of them would now be ex's and others would have simply legged it!!
I'm confused - why date if you hate dating??
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
Originally Posted by equus
I'm confused - why date if you hate dating??
Just like Adam.....Skin feels good.lol
Bordom, insecuity
a spark to remind me how peaceful my life was.lmaf
Oki doki...I'm learning when I pray, be easpecific.lol
God dose anwers my prayers. i pray for a beautiful woman
and my prayer came true, in days even. I just left out the
not being pyhco part.
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