Sex and the alcoholic...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: in the desert
Posts: 18
Wow, ditto to what you all have posted. Ewww, sex with AH, not likely. He totally grosses me out when he is drinking - actually it is getting to the point where he grosses me out all the time. I used to be able to overlook the drinking, but as his disease has progressed....... I can count on one hand how many times we’ve been close since I got pregnant with the baby and she is almost nine months old now so I guess that makes about 18 months. Pretty sad to be missing out on one of the great pleasures of life isn’t it? Ah, but I have my memories : )
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: north east
Posts: 58
I can answer this question very well. I do not have sex with my husband bcause he is a drunk. I have kicked him out of the house for six months because of his drinkining. He was suppose to go for help. I doubt if he really did.
I have been living by myself for six months. Just before Thanksgiving he came here drunk and abusive. He smashed the windows of my car and my house. I call the police and so did many of the neighbors. The neighbors hate him. His mouth is so abusive and dirty and very very loud. He left before the police got here. The police had many so calls about him that day.
He came over again on Thanksgiving and wanted dinner and sex. Hello? Where do these guys think our brain is. He left all upset and mad. Too bad for him.
He thinks because he is nice to me for five minutes he is due sex. It will never happen for at least two years after he sobers up.
I would like him to be sober and have some drunk molest him. Sorry to be crude but that is what it like for a woman with a drunk husband. It last for hours while he tries to get what he wants and frankly it can get quite painful. The breath and mental attitude both stink. He can not even remember what he did to you in the morning. Frankly, it is like being raped.
Sorry to be so frank but that is what it is like to have sex with my husband. I hate it and will longer do it.
I have been living by myself for six months. Just before Thanksgiving he came here drunk and abusive. He smashed the windows of my car and my house. I call the police and so did many of the neighbors. The neighbors hate him. His mouth is so abusive and dirty and very very loud. He left before the police got here. The police had many so calls about him that day.
He came over again on Thanksgiving and wanted dinner and sex. Hello? Where do these guys think our brain is. He left all upset and mad. Too bad for him.
He thinks because he is nice to me for five minutes he is due sex. It will never happen for at least two years after he sobers up.
I would like him to be sober and have some drunk molest him. Sorry to be crude but that is what it like for a woman with a drunk husband. It last for hours while he tries to get what he wants and frankly it can get quite painful. The breath and mental attitude both stink. He can not even remember what he did to you in the morning. Frankly, it is like being raped.
Sorry to be so frank but that is what it is like to have sex with my husband. I hate it and will longer do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by humming bird
I would like him to be sober and have some drunk molest him. Sorry to be crude but that is what it like for a woman with a drunk husband. It last for hours while he tries to get what he wants and frankly it can get quite painful. The breath and mental attitude both stink. He can not even remember what he did to you in the morning. Frankly, it is like being raped.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: in the desert
Posts: 18
Hummingbird, I'm right there with you. The smashing windows brought back something I hadn't thought of for a while. I remember one time when he was raging he got a bat and threatened to bash out the house windows and the windows on my car. Fortunately, he didn't do it, but it scared the heck out of me. Most of our neighbors don't like AH either.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
You know what is so awful, is they really dont get it.
Once upon a time, with my daughters father who is also an A.... it really was rape, though when your married they dont call it that. I remember a time when I was asleep and he came home drunk, thinking he was all that and demanded his husbandly rights, I literly was crying the whole time it was going on (quietly of course) and when it was over got physically sick in the bathroom.
He remembered nothing of it the next day and asked what was wrong with me! He had to ask me where I got the bruises.... It amazes me still to this day.
Once upon a time, with my daughters father who is also an A.... it really was rape, though when your married they dont call it that. I remember a time when I was asleep and he came home drunk, thinking he was all that and demanded his husbandly rights, I literly was crying the whole time it was going on (quietly of course) and when it was over got physically sick in the bathroom.
He remembered nothing of it the next day and asked what was wrong with me! He had to ask me where I got the bruises.... It amazes me still to this day.
Binge poster
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 561
You know, I would disagree.
Rape is the crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.
It doesn't matter if you're married, living together, whatever - rape is rape.
The law here has caught up with that truth, I hope it does where you live very soon.
Zero tolerance.
Jane
xxx
Rape is the crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.
It doesn't matter if you're married, living together, whatever - rape is rape.
The law here has caught up with that truth, I hope it does where you live very soon.
Zero tolerance.
Jane
xxx
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
I can't keep my fingers quiet any longer. There are quite a few of you speaking here about serious verbal and emotional abuse, not to mention physical assault
I really have to ask when is enough going to be enough? There is a better life out there. Please believe that.
I really have to ask when is enough going to be enough? There is a better life out there. Please believe that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Oh what a surprise.
My fingers got twitchy right around the same time Minnie's did.
People...abuse is abuse.
Be it physical, verbal or sexual.
No one...NO ONE...has to put up with abuse.
A spouse or significant other is not entitled to beat you, verbally abuse you or force you to have sex.
Sex in particular is a mutual expression of feelings, not something to be "taken" or "forced upon" someone.
My fingers got twitchy right around the same time Minnie's did.
People...abuse is abuse.
Be it physical, verbal or sexual.
No one...NO ONE...has to put up with abuse.
A spouse or significant other is not entitled to beat you, verbally abuse you or force you to have sex.
Sex in particular is a mutual expression of feelings, not something to be "taken" or "forced upon" someone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Your right... enough is enough.
That was 14 years ago, his disease got worse over the 7 years of our marriage and there was what was happening the last 6 months of my marriage to him. I was making plans then to leave, but it took me awhile since I had a 1 year old to think about.
Rape is Rape. When I said no, I guess he thought it was foreplay.... who know what he was thinking. He did accuse me of cheating... and it even went so far that he thought I was having a thing with my good girlfriend that lived upstairs for awhile. When they get that far into the drinking they just dont make sense.... its a scarry place.
BUT .... I have since gone into another relationship with an A.... and ended that one.
It all comes down to my recovery, placing the focus back on me and making sure that I stick to keeping it there. I want to be healthy (and have come a long way baby) and therefore in being more healthy, Im attracting healthier people. Mr. R is wonderful and can only be described as a 180 from my other choices. *laughs* of course he tells me this is because he choose me.... he could be right!
That was 14 years ago, his disease got worse over the 7 years of our marriage and there was what was happening the last 6 months of my marriage to him. I was making plans then to leave, but it took me awhile since I had a 1 year old to think about.
Rape is Rape. When I said no, I guess he thought it was foreplay.... who know what he was thinking. He did accuse me of cheating... and it even went so far that he thought I was having a thing with my good girlfriend that lived upstairs for awhile. When they get that far into the drinking they just dont make sense.... its a scarry place.
BUT .... I have since gone into another relationship with an A.... and ended that one.
It all comes down to my recovery, placing the focus back on me and making sure that I stick to keeping it there. I want to be healthy (and have come a long way baby) and therefore in being more healthy, Im attracting healthier people. Mr. R is wonderful and can only be described as a 180 from my other choices. *laughs* of course he tells me this is because he choose me.... he could be right!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 390
OK, Heres a question. Does anyone ever feel OBLEGATED to have sex. Like, My "A" payes all the bills. We aren't married. We are devorced, and He asked me to move back in with him 4 years ago. I could not live as good as I do on my own. (by a LONG shot!) He is not "abusive" to me, aside from the usual sarcastic comments wich I ignor. Sometimes I "feel sorry" for him (for lack of a better way of putting it) and give him "some" even though I don't want to. Does anyone else have this going on in their lives, or feel this way?
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Pity Sex and Well-it's-easier-to-put-out-than-take-the-flak Sex. BTDT. Does nothing to enhance the self-respect of either parties. In fact, it's kind of like emotional rape.
And the fact that he pays the bills should have NOTHING whatsoever to do with whether or not he gets his leg over. That seems to be too close to a commercial transaction for my liking.
And the fact that he pays the bills should have NOTHING whatsoever to do with whether or not he gets his leg over. That seems to be too close to a commercial transaction for my liking.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: la la land
Posts: 196
Ok I'll say it.....speaking of fingers.....(giggling).........Do you REALLY need him to have sex??? I don't know about you but I'm the best lover I know. I don't have to cuddle, I don't have to smell alcohol on my breath, heck, I don't even have to talk to myself afterwards. So lets be glad and love ourselves!!!!! LMAO
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 390
Minnie, you are so right. But pardon my ignorance....what does "BTDT" stand for???
Soulcatcher, you are so funny!!! No, I don't need him to have sex. That is if I even WANTED it!!!! I have no desire, with OR without him! I could be celabit (sp) and be totally happy!
Soulcatcher, you are so funny!!! No, I don't need him to have sex. That is if I even WANTED it!!!! I have no desire, with OR without him! I could be celabit (sp) and be totally happy!
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
I'm loving this thread and relating to alot of it. It never stops feeling good to find more and more things that I am not alone in!
My ex-AH was sober in AA for most of our relationship - but spent the last 2 years of it building up resentments/reasons to go out and get drunk.
We used to have a loving and caring sex life - but those last 2 years he considered calling across the room "Hey, why don't you come over here and __________" to be foreplay.
Yeah. Right. Uh huh. Sure. Hold your breath and I'll be right there!
ROTFLMAO
Ah yes, the bad old days.
Blue
My ex-AH was sober in AA for most of our relationship - but spent the last 2 years of it building up resentments/reasons to go out and get drunk.
We used to have a loving and caring sex life - but those last 2 years he considered calling across the room "Hey, why don't you come over here and __________" to be foreplay.
Yeah. Right. Uh huh. Sure. Hold your breath and I'll be right there!
ROTFLMAO
Ah yes, the bad old days.
Blue
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