Rhodes

My spouse has been in IOP for 10 weeks. I found out he had been having an emotional affair (he swears it wasn’t physical even though she came over when I was working). The person he’s had the affair with is someone from his therapy group. He expressed remorse and explained it happened because they had a connection and understand what the other is going through. I am not an addict so I know that I will never fully understand what he’s going through so I know that the connection he talked about is real. Has anyone else dealt with their spouse finding connection with another recovering addict?

dbyrer

Unless you share all interests with your spouse, there will always be some area in which someone else has more of a connection with him or her than you do. Is it okay if he or she cheats on you with them, too? In case you don't already know, addicts lie.

trailmix

It's very common.

There is a term used in AA (which has 12 steps) called 13th stepping:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/b...rous-13th-step

There is also a term, about rehabs, called rehab romance. Usually short lived but basically a bunch of vulnerable people in the same kind of situation and it's surmised a lot of it has to do with replacing the high from a drug with a new romance "high".

As db mentioned though, there are always people out in the world that share interests, so that is no excuse really is it? Furthermore he lied to you and he betrayed you because instead of coming to you he chose to get closer to this other woman. He came over but they what, just had coffee?

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, not meant that way, but can he be trusted? You already know he can lie to you and keep secrets.

I'm sure he has a connection with her, doesn't make it right?

trailmix

Here are some posts you might find relatable, some of them are older so I wouldn't bother replying in them though, but maybe come back to this thread and post away!

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...eaving-me.html (Wife is 2 weeks out of rehab and leaving me)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...b-romance.html (Rehab romance)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ce-needed.html (Wife cheated in rehab. Am I an idiot? ADVICE NEEDED!)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ed-advice.html (Alcoholic bf finally went to rehab, met someone else… need advice)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ing-crazy.html (Fiance found romance in rehab and I'm going crazy!)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...b-romance.html (Does AH have rehab romance?)

Not saying any of these are your situation, just picked a few random threads from many.