Hatguysgirl

Thanks everyone! I am exhausted, but otherwise doing really well. I'm much more functional after this csection than I was after my last 2 natural deliveries. Of course I have 1 more day of pain relief meds left so that may change haha. The girls are all very much in love with baby brother, so that helps. Even the 18 month old who is a bit jealous and wants me to hold her more than I can, is super gentle with him. It's been mostly very pleasant. When baby gets on a normal schedule so I can sleep more than an hour at a time at night it will be even better.

Seren

I'm so happy your delivery went well! Congratulations on your sweet new baby boy

I hope you and your family settle into a routine soon, and it's such fun that your girls just love their brother!

Hatguysgirl

Thank you! Baby is starting to sleep more at night, which is awesome. We are starting to get into a routine, which I love, since I prefer routine and life with an active addict has none.

I've had a few really hard days, I'm sure hormones are still wreaking havoc in my system. It's so hard to have a new baby who looks just like dad, and watch his sister's love on him, while their dad is who knows where.

It blows my mind that someone would choose alcohol, pot and porn, over their family. It's hard to remember on those days that he isn't doing this to us, he's just doing it.

It doesn't help that the 4 year old misses him terribly. She's been waking in the night crying for him. Lately too when she gets in trouble she immediately starts crying for him.

I know that this too shall pass. It's truly sunk in for me that I haven't lost anything. I have full custody of the kids, I'm getting my house back in order, with child support I'm financially ahead, I have peace and calm (as much as possible with small kids.) Life is great. But I still miss my idiot husband.

vision2023

One day at a time! You’ve got this!

ConfusedIRis

@Hatguysgirl

I found your old post and I had to reply as I relate. Omg this is the same thing with my ex. He thinks he can afford $2,5 k apartment, $1,5k child support, $360 loan payment, $300 rehab payment and regular bills plus thousands spent for new rehab gf and furnishing new place .

But if I mention something I’m the bad one. They are crazy mess.

ConfusedIRis

@Hatguysgirl

That’s exactly how I feel. It’s so good to know I’m not alone in this. Thank you for posting how you feel. It’s crazy that it’s the same for me.

my 3 used old is messed up from him not coming and visiting. And he gets angry at me that she doesn’t want to go.

im still processing everything and it hurts but I know him being gone it’s for better. But still it’s hard as I tell myself everyday how could he choose girl he knew for 8 days in rehab over his family of 9 years. That’s the hard part for me.

Hatguysgirl

There is no logic or reason in him. As I've gotten further away, his insanity becomes more and more pronounced. It's gotten sad, and also incredibly obvious how badly he needs help.

I still love him. I probably always will. But the most loving thing I can do is take care of me and my kids, and let him be him.

ConfusedIRis

This is so true. I’m sorry @Hatguysgirl that im replying to your old post. Sorry for the late Congratulation on a baby boy. He is in the best stage, about 5 months. How are you doing?

I have said it before many times but our stories are the same as I read your posts and it feels like it’s me about reading about. Anyway, I think we will always love our long term relationships partners no matter what. What I’m trying to say is I think even if things go bad, we break up, they leave us for someone else, we leave them for their drinking… there is always gonna be some fondness and love we have towards people we had spent half of our lives with and share kids.

It’s sad to see them in a bad shape when they could get better if they wanted.

Hatguysgirl

It's totally fine that you're responding to an old post! I am doing really well, my C-section went well, and healing went better than I expected. The kids are a handful, but I managed to buy an exercise bike to get at least some exercise in that is easy on my joints, which is where pregnancy always hits me the hardest. My little baby man is an awesome baby, he sleeps well most of the time and that is extremely helpful. Not always when I want him to, but better than no sleep at all haha. He is starting to laugh and coo, and trying to roll, it's a really fun period right now! Its hard to fit in self care with 3 of my kids being so small, but luckily my teenager is helpful and responsible so I've been able to fit some in here and there. I often see people in here claiming that the love you have for your qualifier, or that they have for you isn't real. I don't believe that at all. It may be true for some or even many, especially when the relationship started after the addiction took hold. But I definitely don't think that it's fair to tell people that their feelings aren't real across the board. I knew an entirely different man many years ago, and while I know we won't ever get him back, even if he did get sober, that doesnt make my feelings any less real. It doesn't give him any excuses for being who he is right now. I'm always going to hope that he chooses a better path for himself, no matter where it leads. It does make me incredibly sad to see him as he is now. But I know that babying him, and trying to help him won't actually help him. He's going to have to want to help himself. Addiction sucks!

I am grateful that with time I've been able to accept that I can't make myself stop loving him, and been able to come to peace with it. I kept waiting for it to go away, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me at least not at this time. I figure for better or worse he will always be my family.

trailmix

I agree, your feelings were/are real and that's a fact. I also think addicts can love, just that for many (especially those who have had a long addiction) their idea of love can be foreign to what we think love is. But that can be true for sober people as well. It's just that with the alcoholism perceptions and ideas get skewed.