My eyes were opened!
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Thank you both so much, Be Kind Always and life Recovery. Your sharing is very helpful to me.
I think you are right, it was unresolved grief within me sort of catching a ride with the newer feelings to come up and out. I am very grateful for this. Glad it was able to happen, if more comes I shall welcome it.
I like that description of the current emotions allowing an old wound to be reopened and cleaned out. Funnily enough today, I am having my home deep cleaned by a company. Feels all part of me moving on. Internal and external deep cleaning.
Life Recovery, so interesting that you mention the bodily functions in helping the deeply buried old grief up and out. I have never heard of that before. Yesterday when my body was churning up and out, it made me sort of cough. A very deep cough, my body doubled over each time it happened. "Cough" is not quite the right description but it is the closest I can get.
I have never experienced this before, usually any pain coming up happens while I calmly sit in a chair. This time I had to get up and kind of help it out by doubling over.
It happened a few times over the day then suddenly stopped.
Maybe as much as my body could cope with was cleared. Maybe more will come along later.
In the night I woke up, as I do as I have insomnia due to Long Covid. I always wake up and lay there, it is usually uncomfortable. Last night I lay there thinking how weird, it was like I had a lovely new bed and new duvet. It was so very comfortable. I then realised it was not my bed that was different, it was that my body was so much more relaxed. As always we change the inner and the outer changes.
Ah, Winston Churchill. I am English so good person to quote. Lots of great quotes he left us.
He had one that late hubby used a lot - "Keep buggering on!!!" Haha.
I think you are right, it was unresolved grief within me sort of catching a ride with the newer feelings to come up and out. I am very grateful for this. Glad it was able to happen, if more comes I shall welcome it.
I like that description of the current emotions allowing an old wound to be reopened and cleaned out. Funnily enough today, I am having my home deep cleaned by a company. Feels all part of me moving on. Internal and external deep cleaning.
Life Recovery, so interesting that you mention the bodily functions in helping the deeply buried old grief up and out. I have never heard of that before. Yesterday when my body was churning up and out, it made me sort of cough. A very deep cough, my body doubled over each time it happened. "Cough" is not quite the right description but it is the closest I can get.
I have never experienced this before, usually any pain coming up happens while I calmly sit in a chair. This time I had to get up and kind of help it out by doubling over.
It happened a few times over the day then suddenly stopped.
Maybe as much as my body could cope with was cleared. Maybe more will come along later.
In the night I woke up, as I do as I have insomnia due to Long Covid. I always wake up and lay there, it is usually uncomfortable. Last night I lay there thinking how weird, it was like I had a lovely new bed and new duvet. It was so very comfortable. I then realised it was not my bed that was different, it was that my body was so much more relaxed. As always we change the inner and the outer changes.
Ah, Winston Churchill. I am English so good person to quote. Lots of great quotes he left us.
He had one that late hubby used a lot - "Keep buggering on!!!" Haha.
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery 
I think there is a quote that I won't get correct by Winston Churchilll about the only way through is to keep going....for me it sounds like you gave yourself permission to have that today.
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Peaceful Water
I had 3-4 separate burping incidences over a couple of year period. It was 4-5 hours long of fairly uncontrolled burping. I had some hiccupping also.
I also went through a period with therapy that I would be hit by a Mac Truck for a three week period of time, then I would get this lovely light week of relief and then back in again to the trenches.
I was miserable but it was movement and I could feel things leaving. Now I know this is my process and I get to lean into it.
I had 3-4 separate burping incidences over a couple of year period. It was 4-5 hours long of fairly uncontrolled burping. I had some hiccupping also.
I also went through a period with therapy that I would be hit by a Mac Truck for a three week period of time, then I would get this lovely light week of relief and then back in again to the trenches.
I was miserable but it was movement and I could feel things leaving. Now I know this is my process and I get to lean into it.
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
Peaceful Water
I had 3-4 separate burping incidences over a couple of year period. It was 4-5 hours long of fairly uncontrolled burping. I had some hiccupping also.
I also went through a period with therapy that I would be hit by a Mac Truck for a three week period of time, then I would get this lovely light week of relief and then back in again to the trenches.
I was miserable but it was movement and I could feel things leaving. Now I know this is my process and I get to lean into it.
I had 3-4 separate burping incidences over a couple of year period. It was 4-5 hours long of fairly uncontrolled burping. I had some hiccupping also.
I also went through a period with therapy that I would be hit by a Mac Truck for a three week period of time, then I would get this lovely light week of relief and then back in again to the trenches.
I was miserable but it was movement and I could feel things leaving. Now I know this is my process and I get to lean into it.
Thank you for sharing about your personal growth work. Mine went along in a similar way. I am so grateful I have been doing this work and although very painful and miserable at times, it pays the most enormous dividends. I now welcome the painful parts as I know the rewards of peace and lightness that will follow. As you say, I lean into it. Nice.
I can only imagine where I would be had I not started this journey. Urgh.
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I had a phone call from a friend of many years yesterday.
I sat back and listened. She is the old me.
It was all blame, blame, blame, manipulate, pretending to do nice things for other people but with motives of control, declaring what other people should do to sort their lives out, judging judging judging other people, demanding to know what I have been eating (she has an eating disorder, like I do), utterly intrusive questions, zero boundaries, rushing in to meddle in other peoples lives, oh endless. You are getting the picture.
There I was. The old me. Ouch. Ouch and ouch. I shuddered inside, I cringed as I listened and realised!!
Than I laughed and felt grateful I am no longer there. Thankful for the reminder.
I think it unlikely she will ring again as I did not give her the enabling responses she was looking for.
I sat back and listened. She is the old me.
It was all blame, blame, blame, manipulate, pretending to do nice things for other people but with motives of control, declaring what other people should do to sort their lives out, judging judging judging other people, demanding to know what I have been eating (she has an eating disorder, like I do), utterly intrusive questions, zero boundaries, rushing in to meddle in other peoples lives, oh endless. You are getting the picture.
There I was. The old me. Ouch. Ouch and ouch. I shuddered inside, I cringed as I listened and realised!!
Than I laughed and felt grateful I am no longer there. Thankful for the reminder.
I think it unlikely she will ring again as I did not give her the enabling responses she was looking for.
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Checking in. My goodness, the peace and quiet in my home and my heart. It is wonderful. The stability, the calmness in me.
First time in my life I have had this. I love it. I had no idea about how good it feels.
As is part of life, there are still things coming along that I need to deal with but I can now do it in quietness and calmness. Late hubby is not here blowing them up into the mess of anxiety that he sadly needed to do. A tiny little thing made into a big disaster to drink at and wail over.
I can keep them in proportion which is a tiny proportion to be honest. As I can now deal things calmly and quietly, they stay small.
The deep release of inner pain and grief has stopped. My thought being that it is all cleared out for now, if more shifts and needs to come up, I welcome it.
I have been seeing things in my home that I have needed to get rid of. I have read on here about people being triggered from the hiss as a can of beer is opened, that type of thing. Gradually some issues like that have been revealing themselves to me, so I am able to get them out of my home. None are alcohol but just ordinary day to day items that AH in his sick thinking weaponised. Used to undermine and create big fuss about. Certain foods, bottles of water.
I have been reassessing and changing my habits. Am enjoying this so very much. Everything made so much more simple. Plain, straightforward. I love this.
I do understand that AH needed everything complicated, chaotic and time consuming to support his addiction. I do not need this, I do not want this. So it has all stopped.
I am also being very careful of who to let into my new lifestyle. I am pleasantly surprised at how I can see red flags now, and step away.
In Adult Children of Alcoholics, I learnt that we can become addicted to the rollercoaster of being with an active drinker, that without them our life can seem dull and boring. I am mindful of this, I am pleased to say I do not miss that rollercoaster along with the chemical releases in the body of highs and lows one bit.
I am finding calmness and stability an ongoing joy, the chemical release on it very different. Thankfully I much prefer it. It is like a warm, constant slow steady release of "feel good". Is there all the time, it does not suddenly crash and run out. It is topped up by my consistent actions, also the healthy balanced foods I am eating, the sensible exercise I take, the pleasant company I keep, my self care routine.
It also feels like the armour I had to wear to protect myself has all gone now. It gradually fell away. I notice my taste in clothing is changing too, I am being attracted to softer styles and colours. Styles that I had not even considered for myself are appealing to me.
I like this, also am growing my hair into a softer style. It all feels right.
When I talk to my friends, I can hear the softer tone in my voice. I say less and listen more. It feels much better to me. I also notice I am no longer people pleasing others. If they say something I disagree with, I am not just agreeing for the sake of it, I politely listen but do add my own opinion. I am learning that it is ok to hold a different opinion to others.
With active or unrecovered drinkers, of course, no one is allowed an opinion except them and it is always right!! Haha.
Sending out healing thoughts to us all.
First time in my life I have had this. I love it. I had no idea about how good it feels.
As is part of life, there are still things coming along that I need to deal with but I can now do it in quietness and calmness. Late hubby is not here blowing them up into the mess of anxiety that he sadly needed to do. A tiny little thing made into a big disaster to drink at and wail over.
I can keep them in proportion which is a tiny proportion to be honest. As I can now deal things calmly and quietly, they stay small.
The deep release of inner pain and grief has stopped. My thought being that it is all cleared out for now, if more shifts and needs to come up, I welcome it.
I have been seeing things in my home that I have needed to get rid of. I have read on here about people being triggered from the hiss as a can of beer is opened, that type of thing. Gradually some issues like that have been revealing themselves to me, so I am able to get them out of my home. None are alcohol but just ordinary day to day items that AH in his sick thinking weaponised. Used to undermine and create big fuss about. Certain foods, bottles of water.
I have been reassessing and changing my habits. Am enjoying this so very much. Everything made so much more simple. Plain, straightforward. I love this.
I do understand that AH needed everything complicated, chaotic and time consuming to support his addiction. I do not need this, I do not want this. So it has all stopped.
I am also being very careful of who to let into my new lifestyle. I am pleasantly surprised at how I can see red flags now, and step away.
In Adult Children of Alcoholics, I learnt that we can become addicted to the rollercoaster of being with an active drinker, that without them our life can seem dull and boring. I am mindful of this, I am pleased to say I do not miss that rollercoaster along with the chemical releases in the body of highs and lows one bit.
I am finding calmness and stability an ongoing joy, the chemical release on it very different. Thankfully I much prefer it. It is like a warm, constant slow steady release of "feel good". Is there all the time, it does not suddenly crash and run out. It is topped up by my consistent actions, also the healthy balanced foods I am eating, the sensible exercise I take, the pleasant company I keep, my self care routine.
It also feels like the armour I had to wear to protect myself has all gone now. It gradually fell away. I notice my taste in clothing is changing too, I am being attracted to softer styles and colours. Styles that I had not even considered for myself are appealing to me.
I like this, also am growing my hair into a softer style. It all feels right.
When I talk to my friends, I can hear the softer tone in my voice. I say less and listen more. It feels much better to me. I also notice I am no longer people pleasing others. If they say something I disagree with, I am not just agreeing for the sake of it, I politely listen but do add my own opinion. I am learning that it is ok to hold a different opinion to others.
With active or unrecovered drinkers, of course, no one is allowed an opinion except them and it is always right!! Haha.
Sending out healing thoughts to us all.
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Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12
It also feels like the armour I had to wear to protect myself has all gone now. It gradually fell away.
Ten years after I got sober, my
Diana calmly replied, “What do you want me to give you?”
Infuriated by her calmness, I said, “I don’t know! Medicine. Something for the anxiety! I’m like a turtle without a shell. I have NO SHELL! No booze, no muffins, nothing! I’m a turtle without a shell in a briar patch. Everything in the briar patch is poking me and jabbing me. It hurts.”
She said, “Maybe we should talk about getting out of the briar patch?”
I was pissed. “Get out of the briar patch? That’s your advice? Instead of giving me a new shell, you want me to live somewhere less prickly? Seriously?”
Diana said, “You don’t need to find a different place to live. Maybe we could just think about a different way to live. One that doesn’t require that heavy shell.”
DAMMIT.
We spent the better part of a year identifying the briar patch, and I learned how to be a turtle without a shell. Today, when I’m feeling poked and jabbed by life, my first instinct is still to reach for the shell, but now I catch myself. My briar patch is not enough sleep, too much work, too many expectations, resentment, perfecting, pleasing, proving, and a few other thorny things.
Yep, that shell did a pretty good job of keeping out the worst of the bad stuff, but it also kept out an awful lot of the good stuff, too. I'm glad that my shell is (usually) gone.
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Originally Posted by mylifeismine
Good to hear from you PeacefulWater!
Beautiful thoughts, so healing.......
BTW, I wonder how you picked your name?
Beautiful thoughts, so healing.......
BTW, I wonder how you picked your name?
I needed a name to use to register here. I just pulled it out of the air.
What a lovely name it turned out to be and here I am now PEACEFUL.
The avatar I picked quite some time later, that was a deliberate, thought through choice. A door. A door opening into opportunities ahead of me.
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Gosh, thank you, Honey Pig. What a beautiful piece (peace!!) and yes it absolutely resonates with me. I can now see if am feeling raw it is because my briar patch is exactly as described. I need to look within as to why my world has suddenly started to hurt. What is out of balance in me at that moment.
To the best of my ability I am no longer around dangerous, unsafe people. I will continue this for life, I can see there is no reason to invite unsafe people into my life. I am very blessed in my personal circumstances, I do not need to tolerate crap from others for one moment now.
I learnt to wear armour as a very young child so I had been wearing it for a very long time. I completely relate to it keeping out not only the "bad" stuff but the good too. I ended up in a numb, bland place.
Hello Dandylion
To the best of my ability I am no longer around dangerous, unsafe people. I will continue this for life, I can see there is no reason to invite unsafe people into my life. I am very blessed in my personal circumstances, I do not need to tolerate crap from others for one moment now.
I learnt to wear armour as a very young child so I had been wearing it for a very long time. I completely relate to it keeping out not only the "bad" stuff but the good too. I ended up in a numb, bland place.
Hello Dandylion
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Well, I woke up about an hour ago. The calmness, peace and quiet in my home feels like a big warm marshmallow that is hugging me!!
Seriously, I am finding it all so incredible. Literally first time in my life. Prior to late drinker hubby I had surrounded myself with stressful and unsafe people so this really is a first. I also always had very unsafe feeling stressful jobs, ones dealing with violent, threatening people. I seemingly handled it all well at the time, did good in jobs but what cost to me? Eh? What inner cost?
The realisation now that I do not have to mix with people like that ever again is beautiful. I am retired now.
For a few days I had someone I knew slightly chasing after me wanting to use my time to play out her craziness and dump all her insane self created troubles on me. Oh, I said "crazy", now that is a step forward for me. I do not have to make excuses for other people. This was drummed into me growing up. I had to excuse them all and sit and listen, fix, enable, clean up their messes etc. Basic codependency 101.
No, today I can step back and see "crazy" for what it is. Destructive. Protect myself from it.
Instead I met up with a lovely calm friend I have. Who radiates safeness and calmness. We have been going out having very peaceful times together. Running a few errands. How nice to have a friend who gives. Not people who take, take, take, take, take.
Quiet, shared, gentle laughing. Respect.
Respect is another new one for me. Being around people who respect themselves and therefore respect others. I love it.
Addicts do not respect themselves, so they cannot show it to others.
I have also found I needed to change my social media interactions, "unfollowed" a lot. Things I had thought were funny and sassy. No, they are just plain nasty! People being unkind about other people. Changed choice of tv watching too. Moved away from the shouting, dead bodies, shooting people type shows. I am enjoying gentle shows now.
This really is a whole new world I am discovering. One that was here all along.
Seriously, I am finding it all so incredible. Literally first time in my life. Prior to late drinker hubby I had surrounded myself with stressful and unsafe people so this really is a first. I also always had very unsafe feeling stressful jobs, ones dealing with violent, threatening people. I seemingly handled it all well at the time, did good in jobs but what cost to me? Eh? What inner cost?
The realisation now that I do not have to mix with people like that ever again is beautiful. I am retired now.
For a few days I had someone I knew slightly chasing after me wanting to use my time to play out her craziness and dump all her insane self created troubles on me. Oh, I said "crazy", now that is a step forward for me. I do not have to make excuses for other people. This was drummed into me growing up. I had to excuse them all and sit and listen, fix, enable, clean up their messes etc. Basic codependency 101.
No, today I can step back and see "crazy" for what it is. Destructive. Protect myself from it.
Instead I met up with a lovely calm friend I have. Who radiates safeness and calmness. We have been going out having very peaceful times together. Running a few errands. How nice to have a friend who gives. Not people who take, take, take, take, take.
Quiet, shared, gentle laughing. Respect.
Respect is another new one for me. Being around people who respect themselves and therefore respect others. I love it.
Addicts do not respect themselves, so they cannot show it to others.
I have also found I needed to change my social media interactions, "unfollowed" a lot. Things I had thought were funny and sassy. No, they are just plain nasty! People being unkind about other people. Changed choice of tv watching too. Moved away from the shouting, dead bodies, shooting people type shows. I am enjoying gentle shows now.
This really is a whole new world I am discovering. One that was here all along.
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Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12
I have also found I needed to change my social media interactions, "unfollowed" a lot. Things I had thought were funny and sassy. No, they are just plain nasty! People being unkind about other people. Changed choice of tv watching too. Moved away from the shouting, dead bodies, shooting people type shows. I am enjoying gentle shows now.
And I love that you now live in a marshmallow!!!
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Originally Posted by FallenAngelina
I have found this to be profoundly life changing, too. Went so far as to cancel my cable. All of the truly informative news and truly fulfilling drama/entertainment is available in many other ways besides the rushing stream of cable TV. The constant call outs of "those people" on social media was making me feel sad and cut off from others, not fulfilled and connected. Noticing the media that hurts to ingest vs. the media that feels nourishing is an enormously impactful step. I'm so inspired to be following your experiences, PW.
And I love that you now live in a marshmallow!!!
And I love that you now live in a marshmallow!!!
I hear you about cable, I did similar and cancelled Netflix, there was so much killing and nasty stuff, I was hard pushed to find anything that I wanted to see so I just cancelled the whole thing. I have not missed it at all. I am in England and we have the most lovely and gentle documentary and travel type programs to enjoy. That is enough for me.
I make a point of not watching the news much. I just keep up to date with the current Lockdown restrictions.
Sending you a marshmallow hug, Fallen Angelina!
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"...peace and quiet in my home feels like a big warm marshmallow that is hugging me!!"
That is a crazy good analogy Peaceful, I love it!
I moved recently to a place with immense natural beauty which I remain in awe
of, especially seeing springtime blossom
When I sit outside and take it in I feel
a sense of peace and also of past stress and trauma leaving me. It is deeply
healing I am so very grateful.
England has wonderful gardening shows too, have you checked them out?
Thanks for sharing your "blossoming"
That is a crazy good analogy Peaceful, I love it!
I moved recently to a place with immense natural beauty which I remain in awe
of, especially seeing springtime blossom
When I sit outside and take it in I feela sense of peace and also of past stress and trauma leaving me. It is deeply
healing I am so very grateful.
England has wonderful gardening shows too, have you checked them out?
Thanks for sharing your "blossoming"
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Originally Posted by mylifeismine
"...peace and quiet in my home feels like a big warm marshmallow that is hugging me!!"
That is a crazy good analogy Peaceful, I love it!
I moved recently to a place with immense natural beauty which I remain in awe
of, especially seeing springtime blossom When I sit outside and take it in I feel
a sense of peace and also of past stress and trauma leaving me. It is deeply
healing I am so very grateful.
England has wonderful gardening shows too, have you checked them out?
Thanks for sharing your "blossoming"
That is a crazy good analogy Peaceful, I love it!
I moved recently to a place with immense natural beauty which I remain in awe
of, especially seeing springtime blossom
When I sit outside and take it in I feela sense of peace and also of past stress and trauma leaving me. It is deeply
healing I am so very grateful.
England has wonderful gardening shows too, have you checked them out?
Thanks for sharing your "blossoming"
My home is getting that way too, more and more everyday. Crazy when I look back at all the time and energy I gave away to late hubby. Ok, I know he needed physical care giving but that was tiny tiny tiny tiny compared to the mental energy I gave away to him all the time.
My energy is mine now. Wow. Am still getting used to that.
You are right there are lots of lovely gardening programs with have here. So uplifting and wonderful to watch. I saw an absolutely delightful show in last couple days about a farm. It filled my heart, I would not have had the patience to watch it when I was rushing about on red alert with AH. Buzzing around chasing my own tail in insanity! The show would have felt dull.
I am enjoying my new pace of life.
When we are deeply engaged in our dysfunction dance with our drug of choice person, it is not energy we have, in my opinion, it is pure mania and the same "high" that the addict/drinker experiences.
I have shared before that I quit alcohol about eleven years ago, I found quitting alcohol far easier than quitting codependent behaviour patterns. The withdrawals from being a codie were far more painful to me. Also far easier to relapse back into.
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I listened to a podcast the other day and learned a new word combination that I related to.
I knew that I often struggled to stop being a "human doer" and start being a "human being," but this podcast mentioned that woman in particular are often culturally taught and believe that their role is one of a "human giver."
It was another whomp kind of moment. I could relate to that term, and all of the challenges it has caused in my life.
I knew that I often struggled to stop being a "human doer" and start being a "human being," but this podcast mentioned that woman in particular are often culturally taught and believe that their role is one of a "human giver."
It was another whomp kind of moment. I could relate to that term, and all of the challenges it has caused in my life.
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
I listened to a podcast the other day and learned a new word combination that I related to.
I knew that I often struggled to stop being a "human doer" and start being a "human being," but this podcast mentioned that woman in particular are often culturally taught and believe that their role is one of a "human giver."
It was another whomp kind of moment. I could relate to that term, and all of the challenges it has caused in my life.
I knew that I often struggled to stop being a "human doer" and start being a "human being," but this podcast mentioned that woman in particular are often culturally taught and believe that their role is one of a "human giver."
It was another whomp kind of moment. I could relate to that term, and all of the challenges it has caused in my life.
Oh wow, that feels liberating to write!
Yeah so as eldest kid I was the one who was trained to do the soothing of the atmosphere. I was put in charge of the eggshell walking, the wonderful job of listening to each "parent" being nasty about the other "parent".
Being told completely inappropriate sexual stuff about the other one at a young age. Hearing from my dad about the women he was seeing behind mums back and being told not to tell mum.
Um, parents using their kid to offload their guilt about their crappy behaviours is not a good thing.
What a bunch of crap!
Great to put this out there.
Coming from an alkie home is so much more than a pair of idiots just sitting drinking which is maybe what a lay person would think it is about. It is the utter upside down, weird attitude, outlook and behaviours that go on all the time. Kids have adult responsibilities dumped on them, being told to keep secrets, having to pretend all the time in front of other people.
Anyway, Life Recovery, I commit to no longer having to be a "human giver" all the time. I am being careful not to have people in my life now who take all the time.
I am very much enjoying my peace and quiet. Boy, it fills my heart.
As my day ended yesterday I looked back over it and smiled and felt full.
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I bumped into a lady I know and she was telling me her allkie/narc bf of 13 years finished their relationship of 13 years (by text! The coward, anyway, I digress).
We were chatting and I mentioned my husband had died about 6 weeks ago which was about the same time he had ended their relationship. You will be shocked to hear (!!) that her ex bf had already lined up his next supply and in reality had probably been seeing her for ages before ending the current relationship with the lady I was talking too.
Alkies cannot bear to be on their own. They generally have the next one in place before dumping the previous one.
Anyways getting to my point now, she commented that in a way it was easier for me to recover and move on from AH as he is dead and it is clear and final.
Whereas with her ex in no way is it clear and final as he is likely to contact her in due course and play her to keep her hanging on case the new gf supply does not work out, also so he can triangulate and generally mess with both their heads for his ego and entertainment.
I was taken aback when she said it but then I realised that I think she my be right. To be honest, I think she was saying it from a victim, poor her martyr stance, but hey!
I do feel it is clear and clean for me. He is gone, at peace. End of. I can process, feel, heal and move on.
........................ and make darn sure I never get involved with alkie/narc again! Haha! Ever.
I have a male friend, not in anyway a romantic one, who when I am around feels so gentle, respectful, safe and predictable. He asks me what I would like, he listens to me, I listen to him. I like people like this. A kind of vibe comes off that type of person, is so lovely.
On another note, a old friend rang, I was listening to the latest train wreck going on in her life with her adult kids. She is utterly enmeshed with them. Fighting, conflict, lying, manipulating, drug use, conning of money yawn yawn. When I ended the call, I was sat quietly thinking to myself, Um next time she rings perhaps I won't answer. I don't want to listen to that rubbish. There are so many nice, uplifting people out there.
We were chatting and I mentioned my husband had died about 6 weeks ago which was about the same time he had ended their relationship. You will be shocked to hear (!!) that her ex bf had already lined up his next supply and in reality had probably been seeing her for ages before ending the current relationship with the lady I was talking too.
Alkies cannot bear to be on their own. They generally have the next one in place before dumping the previous one.
Anyways getting to my point now, she commented that in a way it was easier for me to recover and move on from AH as he is dead and it is clear and final.
Whereas with her ex in no way is it clear and final as he is likely to contact her in due course and play her to keep her hanging on case the new gf supply does not work out, also so he can triangulate and generally mess with both their heads for his ego and entertainment.
I was taken aback when she said it but then I realised that I think she my be right. To be honest, I think she was saying it from a victim, poor her martyr stance, but hey!
I do feel it is clear and clean for me. He is gone, at peace. End of. I can process, feel, heal and move on.
........................ and make darn sure I never get involved with alkie/narc again! Haha! Ever.
I have a male friend, not in anyway a romantic one, who when I am around feels so gentle, respectful, safe and predictable. He asks me what I would like, he listens to me, I listen to him. I like people like this. A kind of vibe comes off that type of person, is so lovely.
On another note, a old friend rang, I was listening to the latest train wreck going on in her life with her adult kids. She is utterly enmeshed with them. Fighting, conflict, lying, manipulating, drug use, conning of money yawn yawn. When I ended the call, I was sat quietly thinking to myself, Um next time she rings perhaps I won't answer. I don't want to listen to that rubbish. There are so many nice, uplifting people out there.
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