Update: Pregnancy

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02-04-2020, 08:32 PM

# 121 (permalink)

Smarie78

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Join Date: Sep 2016

Location: Anywhere, USA

Posts: 869

Quote:

Originally Posted by dandylion

Smarie…..good for you for your persistence! Persistence is a wonderful trait...as long, of course, if it is directed in constructive ways.
I do think you are misled about "regret", though. Regret Can be reckoned with!
Because you are grieving....which is always such a painful state...often indescribably painful....you probably are afraid that there is no end to it. While grief does demand it's own time....it DOES change and come to an end, eventually. While one is going through grief...it may be impossible to believe it will come to an end.....it may just feel overwhelming and engulfing.

Over my life, there are many things that I regret. I would love to have a do over for soooo many things! But, life doesn't work like that....I think that our regrets are put to "rest" when we finally accept that things have happened and stop looking back with 20/20 vision of the present. We accept that life goes on and that history will not reverse itself....
Life to be lived I n the future is just as valuable as the life that we have already lived.....
One must have faith...faith...faith.....

oh how I needed to hear this tonight. I had a terrible panic attack before bed as my mind decided to haunt me with regret. I lay down and imagined what I had done and destroyed and could never get back and then proceeded to read about these women who were suicidal over their decision for years and can’t move on! Between my own grief and reading those stories I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Thank you for helping me learn that regret or grief won’t kill me and perhaps just maybe, I will be happy again? I realize I am so afraid of these feelings - they remind me of another time in my life where I couldn’t see me ever moving past some terrible feelings but one day I just did. It was scary I remember.

Do you think I can get past this and be ok again? I just need to know it is possible. Also, how did you handle your deepest regret? My therapist wants me to start imagining the future that I want - it’s just hard to right now because I am stuck in the past that I can’t change yet so badly wish to. How do we accept?

02-04-2020, 08:34 PM

# 122 (permalink)

Smarie78

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Join Date: Sep 2016

Location: Anywhere, USA

Posts: 869

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenAngelina

Sent you a PM with links to resources, Smarie. Let me know if you'd like more.

just saw these! Thank you so much!!!! I’m so grateful for you all, just no words

02-05-2020, 10:23 AM

# 123 (permalink)

FallenAngelina

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Join Date: Apr 2017

Location: Long Island, NY

Posts: 821

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smarie78

My therapist wants me to start imagining the future that I want - it’s just hard to right now because I am stuck in the past that I can’t change yet so badly wish to. How do we accept?

With respect to your therapist, I'd say that it's way too early for you to be trying to imagine a future as a way to move forward. I dunno if you're stuck in the past so much as you're not feeling safe to feel what you feel right now. The only way to truly move forward through loss is to first be where you are. Feel what you feel. That's largely what support groups are all about - feeling what you feel in community with others who feel the same. Trying to imagine yourself in a better future without first being grounded in where you are is not a stable path forward. The words sound pretty, but there's no firm foundation to it. We can only effectively imagine a happier future when we have made peace with where we are right now. Not just resignation, but deep peace.

Please let me know if you'd like any more research on that group. It made all the difference for me and there is just nothing more healing than going through this experience with an educated facilitator and other women who are walking beside you.