geneva, you have been put through the wringer, obviously. As you mention the insanity of addiction affects everyone within close proximity to the alcoholic.
It's just inevitable.
The fact that you are reaching out for help, the fact that you are going to continue going to Al-Anon, these are very good signs, you are coming out of the fog.
It's not easy! You already know this, I know. It's painful.
You're not crazy, it will be a wonderful thing when you can be back to yourself and realize this wasn't about you.
You might find these articles helpful: Excuses Alcoholics Make http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers It wasn't my fault or It's not the way it looks!
Rationalization and projection of blame attempt to distance the addict from the consequences of his (actually, of his addiction's) actions. Alternative explanations are constructed and stoutly defended, e.g. the employer who fired him or the officer who arrested him or the wife who divorced him were actuated by dishonest or frankly corrupt motives. I'd be OK if it weren't for you!
The addict blames his addictive behavior on his significant other, usually his spouse. He feels resentful and self-pitying about the way he considers himself to be treated and uses this to justify his addiction. Since one of the commonest causes of resentment and self-pity in addicts is criticism by others of their addictive behavior, and since the characteristic response of the addict to such criticism is to escalate addictive behavior, this process tends to be self-perpetuating. The addict is often quite cruel in highlighting, exaggerating and exploiting any and every defect or flaw the significant other may have, or even in fabricating them out of his own mind in order to justify and rationalize his own behavior.