Authenticity
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Join Date: Jul 2019
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Authenticity
What I’m learning to say now is that I am no longer available for things that make me feel like crap. I’m glad we can vent here, yet, It seems to me, that sometimes we humans place an extraordinary amount of value on marriage being the sole basis of our happiness. I’m learning that in this whole world, one person should not and will not hold all those cards anymore. I hope during all of our journey we can find a truth for ourselves that will ease the stress. The AH is in contact with me off and on, and as I’m changing, He too is changing. A different kind of friendship is between us now. I can’t label it, yet it is more of what will I allow, rather than unconditionally accept kind of thing. I’m off to search for shells and more answers today along the shore. Hugs to all.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 296
Yup.. Somebody asked me what would make me happy right now and I said it wouldn't be a new relationship. Ye.. Company would be nice. But I don't want a relationship just so I'm not lonely.
Marriage is a thing.. Friendship is a feeling, growth, care, support. With a friendship you can go anywhere.. I think marriage can be such a burden.
Marriage is a thing.. Friendship is a feeling, growth, care, support. With a friendship you can go anywhere.. I think marriage can be such a burden.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh Amen!!!! I just had a close friend tell me yesterday that she cannot believe the change within me and how I act and handle things. For YEARS I could not see myself not being a married person. It was all I knew.
Now I know better. I strive for happiness for myself. I hope for happiness for others, but am now wise enough to know I cannot make that happen for anyone, they have to do make that happen for them. I can only control me, and that is what I am doing. My own actions can lead to happiness and contentment, or anger and discontentment, IT'S MY CHOICE, EVERY DAY.
I choose happy, and single! I was always trying to set up single friends, but now I don't do that anymore. Now I just try to be a friend, their life is their own path.
Shells sound like an excellent place to start friend!
Now I know better. I strive for happiness for myself. I hope for happiness for others, but am now wise enough to know I cannot make that happen for anyone, they have to do make that happen for them. I can only control me, and that is what I am doing. My own actions can lead to happiness and contentment, or anger and discontentment, IT'S MY CHOICE, EVERY DAY.
I choose happy, and single! I was always trying to set up single friends, but now I don't do that anymore. Now I just try to be a friend, their life is their own path.
Shells sound like an excellent place to start friend!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
There are plenty of answers in shells if you take the time to find them, put them to your ear, and listen.
Do you think it’s our inner wise self on the other end of that calcified line? I do.
Sounds as though you are healing / growing fast and he seems to be coming along as well.
Great update!
Do you think it’s our inner wise self on the other end of that calcified line? I do.
Sounds as though you are healing / growing fast and he seems to be coming along as well.
Great update!
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Join Date: Jul 2019
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
There are plenty of answers in shells if you take the time to find them, put them to your ear, and listen.
Do you think it’s our inner wise self on the other end of that calcified line? I do.
Sounds as though you are healing / growing fast and he seems to be coming along as well.
Great update!
Do you think it’s our inner wise self on the other end of that calcified line? I do.
Sounds as though you are healing / growing fast and he seems to be coming along as well.
Great update!
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Oh Amen!!!! I just had a close friend tell me yesterday that she cannot believe the change within me and how I act and handle things. For YEARS I could not see myself not being a married person. It was all I knew.
Now I know better. I strive for happiness for myself. I hope for happiness for others, but am now wise enough to know I cannot make that happen for anyone, they have to do make that happen for them. I can only control me, and that is what I am doing. My own actions can lead to happiness and contentment, or anger and discontentment, IT'S MY CHOICE, EVERY DAY.
I choose happy, and single! I was always trying to set up single friends, but now I don't do that anymore. Now I just try to be a friend, their life is their own path.
Shells sound like an excellent place to start friend!
Now I know better. I strive for happiness for myself. I hope for happiness for others, but am now wise enough to know I cannot make that happen for anyone, they have to do make that happen for them. I can only control me, and that is what I am doing. My own actions can lead to happiness and contentment, or anger and discontentment, IT'S MY CHOICE, EVERY DAY.
I choose happy, and single! I was always trying to set up single friends, but now I don't do that anymore. Now I just try to be a friend, their life is their own path.
Shells sound like an excellent place to start friend!
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by ironwill
Dazed,
You are never alone when you come here. You can always find someone to talk to. I'm glad you found some awesome shells today. Keep looking after yourself and taking it one day at a time.
You are never alone when you come here. You can always find someone to talk to. I'm glad you found some awesome shells today. Keep looking after yourself and taking it one day at a time.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
He’s different sober. His voice is different, his thinking is different, he’s different. He asked me to go to a Christmas event with him and was worried he was going to quickly to suit me...who is this person? At any rate, I found a fan shell today, and the sun kissed tan face I’m getting looks great with my blonde...I look 5 years younger...maybe walking 5 miles a day is helping. I just feel wonderful guys, just wonderful. You all played a huge part in this. Pat yourselves on the back....hugs. ❤️
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
It is wonderful he is doing so well in recovery. Yes, he is moving too fast trying to organize a date for the holidays. He doesn't even have three months of recovery yet. He is still figuring out who he is in this new iteration of self. You cannot be a refuge for that.
I'm going to re-emphasize the importance of separate recovery for both of you over time.
After 25 years together, falling back into emotional reliance is pretty darn easy. That may not be the best choice short term for you as individuals, or long term for you as a couple should you choose to get back together down the road. Of course you know what is right for you, and I will always respect any choice you make.
Besides, who knows what may happen in Italy. Don't think your ex hasn't thought about that and is trying to lock you down emotionally even if it is subconscious on his part. I would do the same in his position truthfully. . .
Hope the sea is treating you well, but I'm sure it is blondie
P.S. I'm a blonde too
I'm going to re-emphasize the importance of separate recovery for both of you over time.
After 25 years together, falling back into emotional reliance is pretty darn easy. That may not be the best choice short term for you as individuals, or long term for you as a couple should you choose to get back together down the road. Of course you know what is right for you, and I will always respect any choice you make.
Besides, who knows what may happen in Italy. Don't think your ex hasn't thought about that and is trying to lock you down emotionally even if it is subconscious on his part. I would do the same in his position truthfully. . .
Hope the sea is treating you well, but I'm sure it is blondie
P.S. I'm a blonde too
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Join Date: Jul 2019
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Having the most wonderful time. The other day I met a group of women on the beach and we had the most delightful afternoon of conversation, food and laughs. It’s amazing how good I feel. Nothing hurts. But alas, this is my last few days here. I simply must make another trip out here again soon!
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Dazed,
I'm sorry you time at the beach is almost over. It seems like it was what your soul, body, and heart needed. I'm glad you had a great afternoon with the group of women. Hopefully you made some new friends to keep in touch with. Keep being the strong women you have become and keep rolling along.
I'm sorry you time at the beach is almost over. It seems like it was what your soul, body, and heart needed. I'm glad you had a great afternoon with the group of women. Hopefully you made some new friends to keep in touch with. Keep being the strong women you have become and keep rolling along.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
D&C
I for one have had about enough of your posts about struttin your stuff around on some beautiful beach in CA, new blond hair-do blowing in the breeze, all tanned up, meeting all kinds of people, dogs running around, & achieving some kind of peaceful zen like magical state of mind.
While I am totally stuck here at work all day long wondering when my addict is going to blow my cell phone up!
LOL JK
I for one have had about enough of your posts about struttin your stuff around on some beautiful beach in CA, new blond hair-do blowing in the breeze, all tanned up, meeting all kinds of people, dogs running around, & achieving some kind of peaceful zen like magical state of mind.
While I am totally stuck here at work all day long wondering when my addict is going to blow my cell phone up!
LOL JK
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