Therapy Session
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by dandylion 
fortworthnative…..boundaries, baby, boundaries. lol.....
Now, I do understand that it is impossible not to discuss the elephant in the room, at some level....but, try to avoid too much of the counselor role, with him. Because, it will backfire, on you, down the road....and, it really won't sink in to him, anyway...even if you are saying right things....like it would from someone else or a fellow alcoholic.....It will just build up more fodder for him to blam on you, down the road. Remember he is in this position, because of you...you have come between him and his desire to drink. You are the enemy, now matter how much he might care for you, otherwise.....
to me...I think it is fine for him to read good books on the subject...no matter where they come from....
I am not surprised that he doesn't have a good opinion of AA....the last place an alcoholic who is not desperate to guit drinking wants to be is in or around AA...lol...Most won't go there...unless the Law forces them, somehow....or, unless their personal pain becomes bad enough,,,,,,,
Now, I do understand that it is impossible not to discuss the elephant in the room, at some level....but, try to avoid too much of the counselor role, with him. Because, it will backfire, on you, down the road....and, it really won't sink in to him, anyway...even if you are saying right things....like it would from someone else or a fellow alcoholic.....It will just build up more fodder for him to blam on you, down the road. Remember he is in this position, because of you...you have come between him and his desire to drink. You are the enemy, now matter how much he might care for you, otherwise.....
to me...I think it is fine for him to read good books on the subject...no matter where they come from....
I am not surprised that he doesn't have a good opinion of AA....the last place an alcoholic who is not desperate to guit drinking wants to be is in or around AA...lol...Most won't go there...unless the Law forces them, somehow....or, unless their personal pain becomes bad enough,,,,,,,
I guess I feel like what's happened here is that I'm going down this path of learning about alcoholism, educating myself really so I understand what in the world I'm dealing with and I felt compelled to share with him the information because it's so darned applicable. But you're right, it may fall on deaf ears if he isn't ready to listen to the information.
Ugh, how can someone so intelligent be so closed minded and blind.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
fwn…...I know it seems so maddening, doesn't it? It seems so logical to the onlooker or the non-alcoholic....
Of course, we know that it has nothing to do with the intelligence....most of the physiology of it is masterminded by the midbrain...where the reward centers re located....not in the thinking frontal lobes.....!
Be very thankful that you have been willing to educate yourself, and reach out for support......because it will help you to know how and why to protect yourself and your children.....
You are blessed in that way....
Of course, we know that it has nothing to do with the intelligence....most of the physiology of it is masterminded by the midbrain...where the reward centers re located....not in the thinking frontal lobes.....!
Be very thankful that you have been willing to educate yourself, and reach out for support......because it will help you to know how and why to protect yourself and your children.....
You are blessed in that way....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
"Just last night, he walked in early from work around 5pm and asked me how I'd feel about us going on the back porch and having a beer together."
This doesn't seem like a reasonable thing to ask a pregnant woman. But I guess I should know better by now, than to expect someone struggling with addiction to be reasonable.
I'm sorry he continues to frustrate your FWN. My AXH was resistant to AA as well, but eventually he went. He never got a sponser or worked the steps, but when he was actually going to meetings he was a MUCH more well adjusted man. He was calmer, more introspective, and that (white knuckling) tightness around his eyes would disappear and jaw wouldn't seem so clenched. He was also much more reasonable in his interactions with me when he'd been to a meeting. I hope your husband decides to give it a try.
This doesn't seem like a reasonable thing to ask a pregnant woman. But I guess I should know better by now, than to expect someone struggling with addiction to be reasonable.
I'm sorry he continues to frustrate your FWN. My AXH was resistant to AA as well, but eventually he went. He never got a sponser or worked the steps, but when he was actually going to meetings he was a MUCH more well adjusted man. He was calmer, more introspective, and that (white knuckling) tightness around his eyes would disappear and jaw wouldn't seem so clenched. He was also much more reasonable in his interactions with me when he'd been to a meeting. I hope your husband decides to give it a try.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
I'm sorry he continues to frustrate your FWN. My AXH was resistant to AA as well, but eventually he went. He never got a sponser or worked the steps, but when he was actually going to meetings he was a MUCH more well adjusted man. He was calmer, more introspective, and that (white knuckling) tightness around his eyes would disappear and jaw wouldn't seem so clenched. He was also much more reasonable in his interactions with me when he'd been to a meeting. I hope your husband decides to give it a try.
And I hope he goes too, that's good to know that your AH eventually went after being reluctant. This white knuckling it isn't going to last, he's going to give in and I just wish he'd have chosen better resources to deal with this :-/ one day at a time...................................
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
