Coming to terms with detachment...

Old 07-10-2019, 03:09 PM
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Coming to terms with detachment...

After years of trying to change the ways of my alcoholic mother and recovering dad I've come to terms with my inability to do so. As an adult daughter Al Anon has taught me how to detach with love, I am so grateful for all that I have learned. I find myself trying to fill this new void, what once consumed my every thought and decision no longer plays such a role in my life. I see what years of self-neglect have done to my self-esteem. My life was caring for them at my own expense. It's a new chapter and a scary one- while I look back at how much I hated what my life had become I now have to focus on myself and I don't know how. Detaching has taken such a weight off my shoulders but has also made me realize how much I lost myself in the process. Being in that cycle was a routine-one that I'm grateful to have given up. A new beginning...
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Old 07-10-2019, 04:21 PM
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Hi tbold. What a change in your life and how wonderful for you.

Yes, big changes can be scary and sometimes hard (been there). However how about looking at it a little differently. I don't know about you but when I started to venture out after a big life shift I mostly found it interesting. Things had changed, some things weren't where they were before (ie: places I didn't frequent, which were many). I was very isolated.

So I took small steps. I would say ok, how about trying this - whatever it was, whether it was going to a certain store or walking through an unfamiliar park or getting coffee out - even going out to a restaurant alone.

You know what, I thought of it all as great discoveries. Every small step was a victory of sorts and the more I did the more confident I became. With that confidence I started to like myself more too.

Get a manicure and a pedicure and a haircut (if you want one). Change your haircolour or get it coloured. Buy yourself a new shirt. Yes, that's all outside fluff but it is a confidence boost none the less.

Start walking in the evenings, even if it's just a few blocks and then back home, again a confidence boost and being outside lifts your mood.

It really is an adventure and if you think about it not many adults get to experience the world that way. A little scary but it can be really wondrous and fun too.
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Old 07-11-2019, 07:23 AM
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You deserve a life of peace. Reach out and make healthy connections. Family does not have to be blood relatives! Big hugs! We are here for you!
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