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Old 06-11-2019, 08:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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The abuse finally broke me



I thought I reached the end of my rope a year ago, but stupidly went back. Things of course got bad again, as I got more comfortable in him being nice and feeling like maybe we had a chance at a future.

It it amazes me that someone as smart as I am, who always was the person shaking my head saying ďI donít know why she stays with that jerkĒ became the girl who stayed with the jerk. All the boundaries I tried to set about not calling me names, not picking fights, meeting my needs too, and one by one I watched them fall over and over. I rode that crazy train. I justified, ignored, cried, begged. I watched this man who I used to lay in bed next to at night just marveling at how deep my love was for him become a man that I would just roll my eyes at when he called me a ďb*#ch for the 3rd time that day, now because I forgot the history of Bluetooth that he told me about 3 years prior.

Since February of this year the last of my love slowly died. And finally, after we had seen each other 3 times in a month because of constant drunken fighting from him, he told me I looked fat and also I deserved to get raped in college because girls shouldnít hang out with guys who might rape them, even if that guy was a friend for 3 years who never acted rapey. I gathered the last of my things and walked out. I didnít cry for a week. Weíve had the dress rehearsal so many times now, the actual act seemed a lot less chaotic than I imagined. I felt a deep sense of relief in my bones as I got home at 1am that night knowing I could finally breathe.

Its been 3 weeks today. He blamed, begged, gaslighted, complained. I misunderstood him, he didnít really say those things. He can change because he needs me. Iím (a whole bunch of words I canít say here) because I wonít change my mind. Iím punishing him by not saying I love him because he knows I do. He just needs one more chance. Screw me he doesnít need me. Come back, he canít live without me. He would text me he loved me morning and night like nothing happened everyday.

Finally I stopped responding. Stopped justifying and fighting and just kept texting back ďI have no desire to see you again. You need to leave me alone.Ē He hasnít texted since Friday. Iím sure heíll launch another attack if he doesnít find a new girl soon. But I donít miss him and I donít feel that familiar waver in my resolve this time.

Thank you, ABF, for teaching me how to be strong. I didnít know I was codependent until I met you. I didnít know how to reach out for help. From AlAnon to therapy, Iíve made so many strides in being a better person. I know how to set boundaries now. I know what red flags look like and to walk away from them. I know that I canít save people, I canít control people, and I canít be responsible for grown ass adults living whatever life they choose to live. I still hope to learn what love looks like without all of the chaos, but Iíll learn to live without it alone first.

This site has been invaluable to me. Thank you to all of you too.
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Old 06-11-2019, 08:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome back Imaginarium and I'm so very sorry for the reason that brings you back. It sounds like you have been through it and then some.

You may already know this but be sure to gather around you all the support you can muster. No matter how right and good it is to leave, it can still hurt like all holy hell.

Big hug.
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Old 06-11-2019, 10:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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You didn't deserve any of this. It's not your fault.

I'm glad you're here and that you're safe.

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Old 06-11-2019, 11:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are really strong, and your story is very inspirational for newcomers. I'm sorry you went through all that but you did come out stronger. You are a wonderful, beautiful person and you didn't deserve that, you deserve the best.

(((((((((hugs))))))))
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Please don't stop posting. We are here to support you!

I am so very proud you had the courage to see that you deserve so much more and got out. Good for you! Please stay no contact because someone like that never changes.

Sending you a big hug!
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Congrats on being 3 weeks strong!!

Quote:
Stopped justifying and fighting and just kept texting back ďI have no desire to see you again. You need to leave me alone.Ē He hasnít texted since Friday. Iím sure heíll launch another attack if he doesnít find a new girl soon.
Why would you allow him to launch another attack? What benefit are you getting out of not blocking him from doing that?

No new contact = no new hurts!!!
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Old 06-12-2019, 06:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by atalose View Post
Congrats on being 3 weeks strong!!

Why would you allow him to launch another attack? What benefit are you getting out of not blocking him from doing that?

No new contact = no new hurts!!!
I know itís probably overreacting, but heís kind of an extreme right wing gun nut. One of our constant fights. I didnít care about him owning guns. I donít really see the need to own more than 10 assault rifles, but again itís his business, not mine, and we didnít live together. However, all his gun safety went out the window when drinking and I was constantly moving loaded guns to safer locations. Iíd rather know if he starts to threaten my safety so I can take appropriate action. I canít do that if I block him. Iím lucky in the sense he knows any DV or menacing charges could take all his guns away, so itís a line heís never crossed but Iíd feel better if I knew of any threatening talk instead of it just going to block.

Last edited by Imaginarium; 06-12-2019 at 06:06 PM. Reason: Typo
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Old 06-12-2019, 06:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Imaginarium View Post


I know itís probably overreacting, but heís kind of an extreme right wing gun nut. One of our constant fights. I didnít care about him owning guns. I donít really see the need to own more than 10 assault rifles, but again itís his business, not mine, and we didnít live together. However, all his gun safety went out the window when drinking and I was constantly moving loaded guns to safer locations. Iíd rather know if he starts to threaten my safety so I can take appropriate action. I canít do that if I block him. Iím lucky in the sense he knows any DV or menacing charges could take all his guns away, so itís a line heís never crossed but Iíd feel better if I knew of any threatening talk instead of it just going to block.
This makes sense Imaginarium. I have never thought of that.

Please stay safe.
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