Seren

I suppose I can share about my stepdaughter and her children...not the same, exactly, but it can be a complicated dynamic. Humans....complicated and neurotic creatures we are

When I married my late husband, I knew that I would never be "mom" to his children at all. They were adults when we met. I just hoped to be friends.

When my stepdaughter was expecting her first child, she asked me what I would like to be called, and I answered that it was really up to her, but I liked "Nana", because *my* Nana was one of a kind (my great-grandmother).

Well, her children (3 now) do not call me Nana. They call me by my first name, because that is how my stepdaughter and son-in-law address me. I never pushed to be called Nana, and my late husband certainly never did so, either.

My son-in-law's stepfather, however, is called "grandpa". That is because my son-in-law's mother insisted on it constantly. She pushed and pushed so that it became the norm for the grands. I know that my stepdaughter was never thrilled with it but has accepted it. And that has hurt me over the years because my relationship is equivalent to my SIL's stepfather but I am not accorded the same 'privilege'. I have learned to accept it, though, too. What else can I do?

For me, at the end of the day, I am more interested in continuing to build a relationship with my stepdaughter and her family than how I am addressed.

I know that your family dynamics are still being sorted out with all that you have been through. I hope that you can continue to find your balance and your way forward as time goes on!

Sending more hugs!

velma929

What Lexie said: It's Facebook, and even I, sometimes a stickler for "words mean things, pick the right one" don't go into detail over defining relationships. How many people have Facebook 'friends' they've never met?

Of course, this is coming from someone who in convos with colleagues referred to her consort as Flavor of the Month until we had decided we were a couple.

Sasha1972

I am pretty sure you can block anyone on Facebook, whether or not you are friends. I've blocked a high school classmate who kept sending me creepy messages and it's as if he doesn't exist in Facebookland anymore from my point of view - I don't see any of his comments, don't know who tags him where, etc. Details are here:

https://www.facebook.com/help/168009...ef=faq_content

SmallButMighty

You can indeed block anyone on facebook... and just as easily unblock them one day if you choose.

I have dozens of people blocked on my facebook. Several were never "friends" on my facebook page. There just happen to be people that I don't want unexpectedly showing up in my newsfeed because it would be upsetting to me... so they are blocked...it's much more peaceful to know when I open facebook I wont get smacked in the face seeing/reading things that would be upsetting.

amy55

Thanks Seren for your story. I know it's different from my situation, but it's really still the same. It helped me a lot to put things in perspective.

I think I was shocked, more then surprised. I think it stems from all the years of Birthday Parties, and Christmas's that I wasn't invited to, and she was, and I was feeling replaced. I know that's silly. It's really silly because I already knew that she called this one "mom", and her children call her "grandma". So I knew that. It was the feeling that I was substituted. I know where it comes from now, so I'm just letting it go.

Sasha, thanks for that link. Going to Fakebook soon to block her.

The strange thing here was, I have nothing against this woman. I was with her and my ex in May at my daughters graduation. I gave them both a hug hello, and a hug and a kiss goodbye. I think I just needed to know why I was triggered, so that it doesn't happen again.

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy

dandylion

amy....our feelings are real. No need to rationalize them to be more politically correct.
You don't have to even like this woman. I don't see any reason, at all, why you should need to.
All you need to do, in my opinion, is to grant her, her constitutional rights. The end.....

I have always like how little children will just say their true feelings--straight out.....
Like---"I don't like her"....or, "He is mean"....
With no compulsion to edit their feelings....
At least they own their true feelings...lol...

(I do get what you are saying that you don't hate her...at least, not now...lol...)

To be honest...hearing my kids call someone else "mom"....would be a jab to my heart.....even if I did have to accept it....

53500

Calling the gf "mom" seems a little weird although not important enough to worry about, IMO. Not that you seem worried btw. I understand the pang, of course.

Calling her grandma - tbh I see nothing wrong with that at all. My partner and I have been together almost 20 years. Not married. I have 3 grandchildren that are not his biological grandchildren. They call him Grandpa. He acts like a Grandpa, he lives with Grandma, so why not?

The three grandkids also call my ex's wife Grandma. I will admit, when the oldest one started talking and I knew he called her Grandma, to feeling a little pang. I quickly got over it. She's a very nice woman and as she's willing to be a loving grandma to them I see no reason they shouldn't use the term.

Very understandable but consider the source. This daughter loves drama and stirring up trouble. Sorry you have to deal with it still. You're doing great and it's wonderful to know.