LexieCat

I think I disagree with that. It suggests that what's going on is a "communications problem." It isn't that Poppet's partner doesn't understand her, it's that she doesn't CARE how anyone feels but herself. She is the center of the universe, the sparkling core around which all the other stars must revolve. And if she's unhappy, ain't NOBODY gonna be happy. And it's everyone else's responsibility to MAKE her happy.

That's not a communications issue, it is a personality/attitude issue.

AnvilheadII

i guess i meant more that it doesn't matter how LONG she talks, WHAT she says, the other party isn't "hearing" or "understanding" - and it's about as effective as trying to talk a tree into sprouting wings and flying.

PuzzledHeart

If you were hoping that you could magically make her see the light if you threatened to leave her I'm afraid that's not the case at all. Even if she did suddenly reform (which I doubt), she's subjected you to so much abuse that you would still need to leave her for the safety of your family. She would have to 1) work on herself and 2) prove herself a safe partner again, and that would take YEARS.

At the end of the day, she should be cherishing you just as you cherish her. That is not happening. And it shouldn't be "I'll cherish you because you threatened to leave me." It should be that she cherishes and loves you because she cherishes and loves you. Love based on manipulation never ever works.

Right now your kids see two things playing out.

1) It doesn't matter how you treat your partner. You can be as abusive as you want and your partner will still stay. So go to town kids and abuse your loved ones all you want! Otherwise you will end up in the following category...

2) It doesn't matter how your partner treats you. Don't ever think that relationships are based on mutual respect and love. Love is all about how much crap you are willing to take from your partner. All you can do is put the crap on a china plate and pretend that it's a meal from a four star restaurant.

Of course, you still have hope that you can show them Category 3:

3) You fall in love with somebody. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. If you find yourself in an abusive situation, leave, because you deserve love not abuse, truth not manipulation. Don't ever ever let another person demean you and make you forget how loved and loving you are.

Leaving will take courage. It will break your heart. But get out and you can hold your head up high the next day.

Make yourself proud and strong, Poppet. Would it be too much to ask of you to call the helpline by Friday to see what your options are? If you can't, just say so.

At the very least, keep posting!