smlg10

I would appreciate any opinion or experiences with early recovery. Is it realistic for someone in early recovery to get some sort of employment?

I know staying sober is the #1 focus but all the free time, lack of contribution and the self esteem issues correlated with that definitely was a factor in the alcoholism and would think the structure might be beneficial in many cases.

Thanks

atalose

I think it really depends on how they are recovering and what that may involve. How early are we talking, 30 days 60 days 90 days? And What kind of recovery plan are they working?

NewRomanMan

Structure is always good, but every situation is different early on. For me going right back to work after rehab was good, because it kept my mind occupied and away from thoughts of drinking. Plus the fact that I was working helped my self esteem. For other ppl maybe more time to themselves is beneficial.

AnvilheadII

does the person NEED to work or are we talking something to do to kill time?? if the person is just free-loading and pulling the early recovery card to get out of being responsible, that's a whole other set of problems.

aliciagr

I think it depends. My husband enjoys his job and gets a lot of positive from it. He never lost his job but was on medical leave for a short while when he was inpatient, He was anxious to go back to work. The other factor I consider is that he was able to manage his therapy work on himself and also was able to handle working on our relationship issues including joint therapy with me. Ive heard it said that people in recovery should only focus on their recovery for the first year. So, I guess IF thats all they can handle, not marriage issues etc. then they wouldnt be able to work either. At least not in a position where it required much thought or decision making skills.

LexieCat

Depends on a lot of things. Has he been sober since your last post in January? What kind of recovery work is he doing? AA? Outpatient?

You mentioned once that he was an "owner" of a business "on paper"--what's that all about? Is it an actual business? Does it bring in any income? Are you supporting the entire household on your income?

suncatcher

I would think if he is able to work the structure would be beneficial. Since my ABF has been out of work on disability he drinks double the amount as when he had a job. But hes never been in recovery. It may be different for someone who is in early recovery especially if stress would be a trigger for him to relapse. Best of luck to you both.

NYCDoglvr

I think it's up to the sober person and his/her sponsor to judge whether getting a job in early recovery is a good idea. Some folks are in bad shape, others less so.

teatreeoil007

For some people, structure is not only good, but important. Some folks really need structure in their lives. Some need a lot of structure; some a little. I just depends. And also depends on what he is feeling "up to" doing. For some early sobriety can feel like being ill as their mind and body is literally learning to live again without depending on the substance. Their head can feel like it's churning around, their hands shake, they may not be sleeping much at all. So, it just depends on the severity too, I guess. It's good to keep the mind engaged and occupied and not have too much time on their hands. And the job they may have: how much would it require of them? Would it be too stressful; as stress is a big trigger for most people.

smlg10

Thanks for the replies. He says he is sober since Jan and appears to be sober for the last 3 weeks. He started back at AA, has a new sponsor, working the program and saying the right things but he is not living here and I have stayed out of it. He is a partner on paper in a business we own but hasn't really done any work for a couple years so I am 100% attempting to support a family of 6.

In my opinion, he needs to work to help his family (not sell house, keep the kids in their school,etc) and for himself.

I know recovery needs to be his focus, it's just hard to bust my tail from sun up to sun down with no support although it's been that way for a long time but I now have no problem saying that I need a true partner. Doesn't make me selfish or materialistic, it makes me honest. In reality, I've only had 3 weeks out of "emergency mode" from one drama to the next so just working through the reality of what has happened to my life.
And hoping the other shoe doesn't drop but enjoying the peace.

LexieCat

I think it's realistic to expect him to support his family, period. He has a legal obligation to do so. Do you have a support order in place? If not, that might be a good place to begin. People work full-time jobs while in early recovery--I did. I took about a week off to detox, and granted, I wasn't at the top of my game in the beginning, but I showed up and put in a full day's work, going to meetings every evening.

I'd suggest telling him that you're very happy he's working his recovery, but that you cannot be expected to support four children single-handedly. You can give him a heads-up that you are filing for child support, and that you will ask the court to impute the income he's capable of earning. It will take some time for that to kick in, and in the meantime he can find some kind of employment, even if it's working at a fast food place. There's no reason you should be carrying this alone. He can explain his "recovery" issues to the court--they may very well give him "x" amount of time to find a job. But if you don't ask, he could keep skating this way for months and months.

aliciagr

Are you legally separated or in the process for filing for divorce? Or hoping to work things out but he is in a halfway house or someplace working on himself before coming home ?

smlg10

There is no legal separation in this state. I started the petition for divorce so I could get occupancy of the house but he finally agreed to move out and follow the guidelines I requested and I never followed through with the filing, although it's all been prepared.

AnvilheadII

In my opinion, he needs to work to help his family (not sell house, keep the kids in their school,etc) and for himself.

right, that would be the ideal. but let's consider who we are talking about here. while barely considered DRY let alone SOBER, has he ever really been the roll-up-the-sleeves, give 110% kind of guy??? has he ever GONE above AND beyond? put his family FIRST? zebras don't change their stripes...........

LexieCat

I'd suggest going ahead and filing. With a house and four kids, though, I wouldn't suggest trying to represent yourself. At the very least you should have legal advice and a lawyer willing to look over the paperwork you're filing. It's very important--for the sake of the kids' well-being and your own financial security--that you do this correctly. Mistakes can be expensive--and not only in the monetary sense.